Black Sunday
by Destany Mitchell
Summary: Takes place three years after the events of Cure My Tragedy. Tommy and Jude thought they had faced it all, until an event happens that blows their world apart.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Please note, this fic is a sequel to my long-since finished baby, Cure My Tragedy. I feel you can probably get by in this fic without reading CMT if you so wish, but it probably wouldn't hurt to review it. I'll answer questions as they arise for those of you who did not read CMT and do my best to explain the situations to refresh and/or inform you to what happened in the past. I don't know how much I'll be able to do it, but I'll try my hardest.

**Disclaimer: **This goes for all chapters; I do not own the characters of Instant Star. I just like to use and abuse them. Briana Lynn Quincy and other characters you do not recognize are all my own creations.

**Cure My Tragedy Summary: **I will not give away the ending for those interested in reading CMT, but that fic is an alternate universe. It opened with Jude and Tommy having a secret relationship just before her 18th birthday that started after Unsweet 16 (this fic was also written during the wait from season 1 to season 2). Anyway, one night at the studio, Tommy and Jude are discussing her 18th and leave the empty studio with a kiss goodnight. Tommy is then found by Stuart Harrison and is told to break up with his daughter or he'd be sure Tommy did time as a pedophile. Needless to say, Tommy decided to break up with Jude knowing that Stuart would know if he didn't. Jude found out previously her father was moving to New York with Yvette and she packed her bags and went with him. Three years later (Jude would be 20; Tom 27) Jude finds out that Stuart was the reason her and Tommy broke up and she returns to Toronto to find Tom Quincy had started a solo career and has a new love in his life. Drama unfolds, hearts are broken, and some are mended. That's all I'm going to say on CMT's behalf here at this time. I don't want to give away the whole fic if someone decided from the summary that they want to go read it.

**Black Sunday Summary: **Takes place three years after the events of Cure My Tragedy. Tommy and Jude thought they had faced it all, until an event happens that blows their world apart.

**Thanks: **I'd like to thank my Real Life Best Friend, The Rockerbabe for her contributions to the plot of this fic. You gave me some great ideas hon, and I love ya dearly for it. I'd also like to thank my "ho" Jude Quincy who is my other half and helped me work out some plot issues I was having in regards to this fic and gave me her own insight on a few plot bunnies around 2-3 am most nights and I love you for it JQ! Without the above mentioned persons, this fic probably wouldn't have happened because I was too lost as to how to get my plot rolling and I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for letting me ramble on incessantly for hours on end about this plot….kinda like now.

Enough of my rambles, if I forgot something else…I'll add it in later. Yes, I know, a whole page of "crap" so we'll get onto the fic and pray I didn't forget anything else. ;)

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**Black Sunday**

**Prologue  
****3 years after Cure My Tragedy**

I closed my daughter's bedroom door behind me as I slipped into the semi-darkness of the hallway. It'd taken awhile, but I finally got Briana Lynn Quincy to bed.

Briana, my three year old daughter, has always been a daddy's girl and has become accustomed to Tommy's near-constant presence. But work called, and late nights are occurring more and more frequently. I sighed and walked down the hall, picking up random toys that lay discarded around the house and put them in Bri's play room.

As I exited the play room, I heard the front door open and I walked down the stairs to see my disgruntled husband and father of my daughter standing in the door, toeing off his shoes.

"Hey," I greeted and he looked over at me and smiled tiredly. After three years of marriage, you'd think I'd be use to that smile. The one that still makes my knees go weak and my heart melt.

"Hey."

We met halfway and he kissed me chastely before leaving me and collapsing on the couch in the other room. I felt slightly disappointed by the brush off but crossed the foyer to enter the living room.

"Bri asleep?" He asked me and I nodded.

"It took awhile to get her down, but once her head hit the pillow, she was out." I told him and he nodded as I sat down next to him. I curled my legs up on the couch and lay my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me. He kissed the top of my head and we fell into a comfortable silence.

My life has changed so much in the last three years. Tom and I had a daughter, we got married, and now, both of us are adjusting to the life of the married and parents. We had our problems over the years, both of us having to step up, but the problems seemed to be fewer and far between. I smiled to myself as I thought about our rocky road to marriage.

My father wasn't all that happy when he found out Tom and I were getting married and having a child together. He accused Tommy of taking advantage of me and I ended up in the hospital. Long story short, Stuart Harrison changed his tune and was attempting to be civil to Tommy. Tommy would much rather go three rounds with him but keeps that impulse in check because he knows I still love my dad. I actually think deep down, they both actually like each other but they're too stubborn to admit it.

I have the confidence that nothing could break our family apart because despite everything that was thrown at us, despite what my father did in the past, our love prevailed. It is that strong and when things get rough, I remember that thought; the thought that comforts me and reminds me that we can beat anything. Get through anything. Together.

Sitting here in the silence of our medium-sized house, in Tom's arms, I knew I wouldn't have wanting my life to turn into anything different, be anything different.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: OK, life has been insane, but I've got chapter 1 typed up! The next one is a longy, and I don't know when I'll get the time to finish typing. Running Back is still a no go. I haven't been able to get ANYTHING accomplished on that fic. I'm trying, I am, but I'm on a block. Every time I pick up the pen/pencil (I've been writing in a notebook on campus lately) I get so far (the opening) and then I get stuck or I hate it. I know what I need to do, I just gatta get it worded right.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter. I hope it's not going to be frequent and all the time, but I can't promise. School is hectic, life is hectic, and I seem to not have enough hours in my day. I wish I could skip the next few chapters to both fics and get to the "good stuff" but I can't for obvious reasons. Hang on with me, I'm trying, I really am.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll try to get my fingers a walking. I'm posting this during a study break, and after this, I'm scrounging up some food and hitting the books again.

Enjoy the chapter! Comments are always appreciated

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**Black Sunday:  
****Chapter 1**

"T!" I heard Darius yell. I looked up at my boss from across the room. "I need you at the meeting tonight." He informed me, stopping at the edge of my desk and looking sternly at me.

"D, I told you, I have to be home tonight." I stressed. I knew work was slowly becoming a rift between Jude and me and tonight I couldn't afford for that to happen. I _promised_ her a night of just us. Sadie and Kwest were going to watch Briana for us. It has been months since we've done anything together and I'd be damned if Darius Mills was going to ruin it.

"Tom, I need you on this."

"Darius, I've had this put in for _weeks_." I stressed.

"When do you need to be home."

"Latest? By seven."

"Meeting starts at five. You'll be home by seven." Darius guaranteed.

"D, I don't"

"My word not good for you T?"

"No, it's just"

"Good. I'll see you in the boardroom at five." Darius informed me as he left my office while I stared helplessly after him.

I sighed and groaned as I reached for my cell. I was _not_ looking forward to this call.

"Hello?" Jude answered, sounding happier than I've heard her sound in awhile.

"Hey Honey." I greeted and I could feel her smile on the other end of the phone.

"Are you getting off early?" She asked, sounding excited and I winced. "I wasn't expecting you to call for at least another hour."

"Erm…about that…" I started and I could feel her disapproval emanating on the other end of the phone.

"**No.**" She said, her voice forceful.

"Jude, I know, but Darius won't let me leave early." I said, apologetic. She sighed heavily and said nothing. "You know I'd rather be there with you than…"

"So you say." She said, sounding disappointed in me.

"Jude," I pleaded, not wanting her to be mad at me.

"Whatever Tommy." She said and there was a silence between us. "He okayed this _weeks _ago."

"I know." I told her and I could feel her suspicion. "Look, he says I'll be done by seven. He guaranteed it. We can still do what we had planned."

"Tom, it's not the point."

"I know."

"Do you?" She asked and I didn't answer her, I didn't want to fight over the phone. Hell, I didn't want to fight in person. I hated it when we fight. When we fought.

"I love you."

"I know." She told me but she didn't return the sentiment and I felt oddly hurt by it.

"I'll call you when the meeting's over and I'll rush out of here." I promised.

"OK." She told me, sounding defeated.

"Jude, I'm"

"It's fine. OK? I'll see you later." She told me, not sounding fine at all, and hung up. I sighed as I disconnected my cell and tossed it on my desk. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, wondering how the hell I got myself into this mess in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Hey guys, sorry it's taken so long to get this up. This chapter had to be JUST right or else it'd probably take away from the fic instead of adding more to it. I'm really proud of how this chapter came out. It's probably one of the longest chapters in this fic. Anyway, I hope you guys at least like the chapter…somewhat. I think you're gonna wanna kill me after you read it though. Enjoy!

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**Black Sunday**

**Chapter 2**

"Honey, what's wrong?" Sadie asked as she walked into the house and took one look at me. I had hung up with Tommy about an hour earlier and was not happy. I was far from it. _Why the hell does work always come first to him?_ I wondered, trying hard not to cry again.

"I'm fine," I told Sades and she shook her head forcibly.

"No, you're not. Talk to your big sister!" Sadie told me as she wrapped an arm around me and led me over to the sofa. She patted the seat next to her as she sat down and I sat next to her.

"It's just…Tom." I told her and Sadie's eyes narrowed.

"What'd he do now?" She asked me and I sighed.

"More like, what he didn't do." I said, still feeling disappointed in him.

"Jude, you know you can…"

"I know. It's just…sometimes, I think work is more important than me and Briana." Sadie nodded in understanding.

"Jude, he loves you."

"I know that. But sometimes…I don't know." I paused a moment and sighed once again. "Like today, we've had this planned for weeks and then Darius tells him he needs to be at a meeting and he doesn't argue it out. Just calls me and says 'hey, I'll be late'." I finished up, tears starting to sting my eyes. Sadie looked sympathetically at me and gave me a small hug.

"You guys will work it out. You always do."

"I'm just…so sick of fighting." I told her and Sadie pulled back and looked me into the eyes and brushed my hair back out of my face.

"Men are idiots." She told me simply. I rolled my eyes. "Seriously!"

"Kwest is perfect." I argued and Sadie rolled her eyes.

"Kwest isn't perfect. He makes mistakes too." Sadie pointed out and wrapped an arm around me. "Go out tonight, enjoy your time with your husband, and then ream his ass for blowing you off and make him sleep on the couch." Sadie told me and I laughed slightly. Sadie looked triumphantly at me. "See? Your big sis is smarter than you give her credit for." She winked at me and I shook my head. "Are you ok?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I told her.

"You sure you don't want some company for awhile? I can hang out here with Bri until.."

"No, it's fine. You guys made plans to do…whatever it is you won't tell me you're going to do." Sadie grinned at me.

"That's cuz I'm Bri's favorite Auntie."

"You're her only auntie." I pointed out as I rolled my eyes.

"So?"

"Please don't spoil my daughter."

"Would never dream of it!" Sadie said, and I glared at her. I already knew Sadie was calculating how much she could spend on her credit card to get Briana some kind of designer outfits or whatever it is that Sadie does.

"Auntie Sadie!" Briana yelled as she ran down the stares.

"Bri!" Sadie greeted and my daughter gave my sister a huge hug. "You ready to spend the day with me?" Sadie asked her and Briana nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Uh-hu! I bwing Mr. Fluffles." She told Sadie proudly. Mr. Fluffles was Briana's favorite stuffed animal. It was an incredibly soft black puppy that Tommy got her for her birthday two months ago and Bri has yet to part with the stuffed toy. Sadie gasped in dramatic effect.

"You are?"

"Uh-hu. Mommy said I could." She said, looking over at me before looking back at Sadie.

"Well, you, me, Uncle Kwest, and Mr. Fluffles get to spend the whole day together!" Sadie told her and Briana smiled happily.

"Bri?" My daughter looked over at me, her shoulder length dirty blonde hair whipping around her like a halo as she turned to look at me. "Why don't we go get your stuff so you can go with Auntie Sadie." Briana grinned happily and grabbed Sadie's hand and started to lead my sister up the stairs.

"Come on Auntie!" She said, rushing as fast as her little legs could carry her without running. Sadie laughed and I smiled at the pair and followed them up the stairs.

Once we got Briana's stuff from her room upstairs and into Sadie's car, we situated a car seat and got Briana inside.

"Have fun tonight!" Sadie told me as she walked around the driver's side door, winking suggestively at me.

"Take care of my daughter." I told her sternly and Sadie waved a hand in dismissal.

"She's in my hands!"

"That's what I'm afraid of." I told her and Sadie stuck her tongue out at me. Yeah, real mature Sades. Sadie got into her car and started the engine. She waved goodbye at me and so did Briana. I waved back and watched them back out of the driveway before heading back into the house.

I sighed heavily as I closed the door behind me and then smiled slightly to myself. Tommy and I needed tonight – a night alone. As much as we both love our daughter, we needed a night to be Tommy and Jude the couple, not Tommy and Jude the parents and I was looking forward to it. Tonight was going to be a night about us. Tomorrow, I'd yell at him about working too much.

With Briana now gone, I picked up the house a bit before showering and starting to get ready for the night out. Though I knew Tom was going to be a bit later than expected, I still wanted to be ready early.

I flipped on the radio as I started to style my hair, and paused when I heard the song on the radio. A song that was close to my heart.

"Won't you cure my tragedy"

I smiled to myself as I remembered the first time I heard it.

"If you make the world a stage for me"

It was almost four years ago and Tom and I had spent three years apart – the time I was 17 until I was 20 – due to my father's meddling in our lives.

"Then I hope that you can hear me scream"

He caught us kissing outside of G Major one night during our hidden relationship. He made Tommy break up with me and in turn, I ran away with my father to New York City to mend my broken heart.

"Won't you cure my tragedy"

I found out almost three years to the date later. When I did, I ran home to find Tommy had rekindled his solo career – Cure My Tragedy, a song he wrote about our relationship, became a number one hit for months on the billboard charts.

"When I sit and think of the days we shared"

I thought returning, I could pick up where we left off. I went to the club to hear him sing and talk to him after. My plan failed as I was overcome with emotion at his set that I couldn't talk to him right away and ended up racing out of the club.

"And the nights you covered for me"

Eventually, I found out Tommy had moved on with his life and we decided to be friends. One night, one thing led to another, and we slept together. Long story short, it didn't happen and I ended up pregnant. Tom and Michelle, the nurse he was dating, ended up breaking up for reasons unknown to me. Tommy found out about my pregnancy and after a long discussion, we decided to get married and raise our child together.

"Every little thing that I ever did"

My father still doesn't approve of the relationship, but things are better than they were before. It's still tedious, but it's been working alright so far.

"You would stand by me"

I snapped myself out of my thoughts and turned my attention back to the present, back to the task at hand – styling my "unmanageable" hair.

------- Meanwhile -------

_every_ _time you cried it would take my wind_

I tapped my foot impatiently under the table, eyes watching the clock on the side wall. I knew I should be paying attention to…whoever it was who was talking about corporate assets or whatever the topic of the day was, but my mind was elsewhere.

I wanted this damn meeting over with so I could spend some time with my wife and apparently, that was too much to ask for.

_My heart would break_

"Don't you agree Mr. Quincy?" Someone asked me and I mentally panicked and tried to remember _anything_ that was just said.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?" I asked, trying to scramble for anything from my brain. I saw Darius shoot me a look of disapproval from across the table. I wanted to shrug, but I contained the impulse.

"You'll have to excuse Mr. Quincy," Liam said, his Irish accent making him sound more pompous than usual. "He's a bit…distracted." Thanks Liam, real help you are.

_If I could be strong like you were for me_

"Family distractions?" Someone else asked me.

"Yes." I responded and saw the other people frown.

"Then why are you here?" I was asked. Damn good question my. I thought.

"Yes, if you have family obligations…"

"Tom, get out of here." Darius stated, looking annoyed. I tried my damnedest not to run from the room with a smirk on my face.

"Thanks." I directed towards the others as I calmly walked out of the room and ran down the hallway. I couldn't help but think "I'm free!" as I rushed towards my office.

_You are my faith. _

I dashed into my office, tossing my tie onto the desk and grabbing my keys from one of the overstuffed drawers. Once I was certain I had all I needed, I left the office, locking the door behind me. As I walked briskly down the hall, I glanced at my watch and grinned. More than enough time to pick up some flowers for Jude and make it home earlier than I expected.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

I left the G Major parking lot in record time and navigated the stretch to the florist.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

I walked in and surveyed an arrangement I thought Jude would like and gave the florist instructions to add a few red roses into the mix.

_Don't take her smile away from me_

I tipped the woman graciously and left with the arrangement and headed towards home. Jude and I had picked a house just outside of the downtown area about a 20 minute drive on a good day.

_She's broken and I'm far away_

Today, traffic was heavier but I've seen it worst. Probably be more like 40 minutes instead of the usual twenty. Not too shabby though. It'd place me in the driveway before 7:00 still.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

Traffic stopped for a moment and I sighed. Joys of driving. I reached down and switched radio stations. Finding nothing good on the presets, I scanned through the others and stopped when I heard a familiar song.

"_if you make the world a stage for me"_

I still, after all the years of performing, found it odd to hear myself on the radio. It wasn't expected and it was just…weird.

"_Then I hope that you can hear me scream."_

I sighed again, in relief, as traffic began moving again. OK, more like rolling, but rolling is better than not moving at all.

"_Won't you cure my tragedy"_

I heard a couple of car horns honk around me and I rolled my eyes. Like that's going to make people go faster. Idiots.

"_Can you hear me scream"_

I heard the faint sounds of tires squealing and I frowned as I glanced around, trying to find the source of the sound.

The next thing I knew, a car slammed into mine and I was being spun towards the shoulder. I felt my body jerk and hit the window as the glass shattered around me. My vision blurred and I heard myself cry out in pain.

"_Can you hear me scream"_

After what felt like an eternity, the car stopped moving…I think. It might have flipped over. I'm not sure. All I knew was my head hurt like hell and my vision was blurry.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

I heard someone yelling in the distance but I couldn't make out the voice nor the words. White noise began to fill my ears and my head throbbed painfully.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

I tried to move, to do something, but my body didn't respond. I panicked slightly and I felt my vision blur further.

_Don't take her smile away from me_

Jude. I thought suddenly. Remembering my wife.

"_She's broken and I'm far away"_

My vision blurred once again, blackness becoming a constant state of sight. I closed my eyes, hoping when I opened them my vision would clear. I felt my head pound harder. Jude. I thought.

The ringing in my ears got longer and my head exploded once again. I heard a whimper and I wasn't sure if it was coming from me or someone else. _Where was I?_ I couldn't remember. I couldn't think. Nothing made sense and I couldn't remember why I was in pain. Why my head hurt. Jude. Who was Jude? What's a Jude? If there is such a thing.

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

My head pounded harder and I found it harder to think. It hurt to think. It hurt to do anything. I opened my eyes and cried out at the painfulness. I squeezed them shut, not quite knowing why and I found myself slipping away. Thoughts were becoming jumbled. Memories began to not making sense.

Am I dying? I found myself wondering before the pain was overwhelming and I gave into the darkness. Gone was the pain and I was lost in the bliss of darkness.

------- Meanwhile -------

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

I glanced at the clock on the wall. Tom had called before the meeting started and said he'd be home by 7:30 at the latest. It was now just after 8 and I still hadn't heard a word from him.

_If you make the world a stage for me_

I picked up the phone and dialed his cell. It went straight to voicemail.

"Hey, it's me again. **Call me.**" I stressed as I hung up.

_Then I hope that you can hear me scream_

I got up and started to pace. Something was wrong. I knew it. I could _feel_ it.

_Won't you cure my tragedy?_

The phone rang and I raced to pick it up before the end of the first ring.

"Tommy!" I practically yelled, hoping it was my husband and everything was ok.

_I can't take this anymore_

"Mrs. Quincy?" An unfamiliar voice asked. I felt disappointment wash over me.

"Yes, this is." Probably a sales call. Or press.

_I can't feel this anymore_

"Mrs. Quincy, this is Lieutenant Jacque Dubane with the Highway Patrol. You're husband's car was involved in an accident." I felt the air woosh out of my lungs. Accident? What kind of accident?

"What kind of accident?"

_Won't you take and give her pain to me_

There was a beat of silence.

"His vehicle was found in a four car accident."

"Is he ok?" I asked, my voice breaking. I felt my hand shake as it held the phone and I used the other hand to steady it. My legs felt weak, but I was able to remain standing. Oh god. Please let him be ok. Please.

"His body hasn't been recovered." The officer said.

"Body?" I choked out. Tears coming to my eyes.

_Cuz_ _my whole life I've made mistakes_

"We believe he didn't make it." Tears fell from my eyes as the words sank in. No, he couldn't be…can't be…

"But he wasn't found?"

"No ma'am. We're still surveying the area."

I felt tears falling down my face. Oh God, Tommy. Please be ok. I pleaded.

"We'll call with more information." The Lieutenant promised before hanging up.

I stared at the phone, dumbly, for a moment before I felt my grip loosen and it fell to the floor. I watched it fall, as if in slow motion. I felt numb. I felt like my world was breaking. Oh God. My hand shook as I raised it. I stared at it and found it moving to cover my mouth. Oh God. Tears fell freely down my face. Tommy.

_Can you hear me scream_

"Tommy." I managed to squeak out, a sob escaping my throat.

No, he can't be…he can't…

**_We found your husbands car_**…

No, it's not true.

_**His body wasn't found**._

He could still be alive.

_**We do not believe he made it**._

"No!" I screamed, my legs giving out and I fell to the floor. "NO!" I screamed once again, leaning forward and slamming a fist down on the carpeted floor, my hair falling like a curtain around me. He had to make. He had to. He's Tommy. I sat up abruptly, a hand over my mouth. Oh God. What if…and I…I didn't tell him I loved him. I sobbed at the thought. Oh my god. What if…and I…tears continued to fall down my face. I looked up at the ceiling, my heart shattering in my chest. What if…and he didn't know…didn't know that I…loved him. That I still loved him. I closed my eyes against my tears, more sobs escaping my throat.

_Can you hear me scream?_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **OK, I want to say, first and foremost, That I'm a Jommy shipper and I love drama. I do have plans for this fic, so bare with me for awhile. I don't think this will lighten the blow from the last chapter…but…well, it needs to happen this way. You'll see how it'll play out. Just have faith in my plot. That's all I wanted to say about that. Next, I love this chapter. I am so proud of how it turned out. I was writing it in a notebook and one section…it just didn't work. And I let myself go…just get in the zone and let it all come out. This chapter…I'm proud of. It wasn't suppose to play out this way, but it did and I'm glad it did. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. This is prebetaed, no proofreading, so mistakes are mine.

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**Chapter 3**

I sat by the phone all night, willing it to ring and Tommy's voice being on the other end. I wanted him to call more than ever before. I wanted to hear his voice, needed to hear his voice. I needed to hear that he loved me. But as much as I willed that phone to ring…as much as I WANTED, NEEDED, it to, the phone remained silent the rest of the night.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke when I heard the door open. I leaped up from the couch, hoping it was going to be Tommy, but my hopes were soon diminished. My heart fell as Sadie, Kwest, and Briana walked through that door. For the first time, I wasn't happy to see my own daughter.

"Mommy!" Briana yelled, and I tried not to let my disappointment show as I hugged my daughter a welcome.

"Hi Bri," I greeted, trying not to sniff. "Did you have fun with Auntie Sadie and Uncle Kwest?" I asked her and her little head bobbed up and down with enthusiasm.

"Uh-hu! Auntie Sadie and I went SHOPPING!" I shot my sister a glare and she shrugged. "A-and then, Uncle Kwest watched Cindiwella with meee!" She squealed out, looking as happy as ever.

I smiled sadly and looked over at Sadie when I heard her call my name.

"Jude?"

"Hey, Bri!" Kwest said, getting her attention. Her little head whipped around and looked at her uncle. "Why don't you show me your room." He offered, and Briana gasped in happiness as she grabbed Kwest's hand and practically pulled him up the stairs, talking happily as she did so and I couldn't help but smile at my daughter's happiness.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Sadie asked, coming over and looking at my critically. I looked into my sister's eyes and I thought back to last night. To how happy I was and how happy I should be. I felt tears sting my eyes and Sadie looked at my sympathetically and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

I held onto my sister and sobbed into her shoulder. Sadie tried to comfort me, but I couldn't stop thinking that I wanted my husband's arms around me and not my sisters.

"What happened sweetie?" Sadie asked softly as she smoothed my hair.

"Tommy…" I managed to choke out, but my body was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't form a sentence.

"Ssssh, it's ok Sweetie." Sadie said, and I shook my head and pulled away from my sister.

"No. It's not ok." I said and Sadie opened her mouth to say something and I continued. "It'll never be ok." I told her, my voice raising slightly. I was angry. I was never a devote Christian or any other religion, but right now, I hated God. I hated fate. Why the hell was He so set on ruining my life?

"Jude-"

"NO Sadie, this can't be fixed!" I yelled, feeling angry tears fall down my face. "Nothing can fix this!" I picked up a picture on the coffee table and looked at it a moment. I saw my smiling face and…his. I felt my anger rise. "Why did you leave me!" I yelled at his frozen portrait and threw the picture at the wall opposite of me.

The glass shattered and the frame broke into pieces, and I didn't care. Sadie looked torn between comforting me and picking up the broken glass. I felt my hands slowly begin to shake. They slowly began to shake harder and it spread throughout my body. My legs went weak and I collapsed to the ground with a sob.

"No," I managed to let out, curling my fist and hitting the floor.

The house was silent except for my occasional sob. I felt Sadie next to me, and I wanted to let my big sister comfort me; protect me. But she couldn't protect me from this. This wasn't a bully on the playground she could beat up, or a test to help me study for. This was bigger than me and her. This was death and right now, I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go before God and strangle the man…woman…force, whatever. I want my husband back.

"Tell me what happened, Jude." Sadie said calmly, her hand rubbing comforting circles down my back.

I took a few deep breathes to calm my frazzled nerves, but nothing I did could calm me down. Sadie took my arm and tugged me gently to my feet. I swayed slightly, my legs still weak and she walked me over to the couch. I collapsed down and curled up, trying to stop my tears but not having any success.

"Jude, Honey…" Sadie said, looking sadly at me. "You need to tell me what happened." She said, smoothing my hair and trying to comfort me.

"I…I…" I tried to say and I shook my head. I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to. If I said it…then it was real. Than he was really gone and…

The phone rang and I looked over at the coffee table. Sadie took one look at me and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

I strained to hear what was being said on the other end of the line.

"This is her sister." There was a pause. "She is, but can I take a message? She's not in the right…" Sadie trailed off and her eyes widened. She looked over at me, understanding filling her blue eyes.

I closed my eyes, knowing exactly what the call was about.

"O-of course." Sadie said, looking like she just got the shock of her life. "Uh-hu…I'll let her know. Thank you for the call." Sadie said, managing to keep her cool.

I swallowed hard as I heard my sister click off the phone.

"Jude, oh my god. Honey, I'm so sorry." She said, taking me into her arms again. I nodded into her shoulder and felt tears sting my eyes again.

I heard someone come down the stairs and I pulled back to see Kwest and Briana.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Briana asked, looking sadly at me. I sniffed and wiped my tears.

"I'm just sad, sweety." I told her wondering how on Earth I was going to break this to my daughter. That her Daddy probably wasn't going to come home…ever.

"Sadie, what's going on?" Kwest asked, looking back and forth between Sadie and myself. Briana waddled over to the couch and climbed up and sat down on my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.

"Don't be sad Mommy!" She said, sounding sad herself. Sadie looked at me and then at Kwest.

"Jude, I'll be right back." She said, taking Kwest's hand and leading him from the room. I could hear them murmuring in the next room and I wanted nothing more than to be gone. To just get away and pretend like this wasn't happening. It wasn't suppose to happen. When I made my vows, To Death was suppose to be decades away. We were suppose to grow old together and he was suppose to be here to give his daughter away at her wedding.

Death wasn't suppose to happen three years later.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I know, it's been a bit since I updated this, but…well, I hope it's worth the wait. BTW: I do not own the song presented in this chapter. It is Black Sunday (the namesake of this fic) by Cold. I hope you enjoy the chapter. As always, reviews are addicting and make my life. BTW: My b-day was yesterday, so the best way to make my week better is to leave me love through reviews ;) J/K…kind of. Reviews are life. Enjoy the chapter! I hope you like it!

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**Chapter 4**

_Falling_

Hours turned into days.

_Falling_

Days slowly turned into weeks.

_Falling_

Weeks are slowly turning into months.

_Falling_

The pain didn't get easier.

_I can't breath at all_

Every time the phone rang, I would answer it thinking his voice would be on the other end. Every time I went to bed, I expected to wake up with his arms around me.

_It hurts to think_

It hurt to breath. To remember him and me and to remember our last few days together. Every day, I cried. Every day I wished he would walk through that door.

_That time could_

What was the hardest? That his body has never been found. The police had stopped looking months ago. It has been four months, 14 days, 5 hours, and 13 minutes since the accident happened. And they still didn't have a body.

_Heal my wounds_

It gave me hope and made me feel hopeless all at the same time. I know this isn't healthy. I know I should move on. That he'd want me to. But I can't.

"Jude?" I looked over at my sister, I knew what was coming. I could hear her and Kwest talking. I knew what they were planning. But I couldn't let them. I still held hope.

"Yeah Sades?"

"Honey, I…I can't imagine how you feel." She started and I felt tears sting my eyes.

"No Sadie, you can't." I told her, sounding harsher than I intended, but it was true.

_Feeling I've been betrayed_

"Jude,"

"No. Sadie, I can't." I said, my voice breaking from emotion.

"Jude, honey, you need to let go." She told me, her eyes sympathetic. "I know that you're hurting, but honey, a service might help you"

"NO!" I yelled at Sadie. "No, Sadie. Don't you get it?" I asked her, shaking my head. "I can't."

"Jude, it's been four months."

_Black Sunday still burns you in my thoughts_

"Sadie, he's not dead to me. He's not." I told her, tears stinging my eyes.

"Jude-"

"No, Sadie. You don't get it." I told her, shaking my head. "I'd know it if he was dead. I'd _feel _it."

"Jude, it's not"

"Sadie…" I sighed. "I can't explain this.

_I can't sleep at all _

"Jude…"

"It's a feeling. I know it's not…not logical. But Sadie, I could always feel him. We didn't have to be in the same room for me to know he was there. I would KNOW it if he was dead." I insisted and Sadie's eyes just got sympathetic.

"Jude, you're not the only one hurting." She said, sounding slightly harsh and I looked shocked at her. "Maybe other people need this. Even if you don't." She said, getting up from her seat across from me and leaving the room. I sighed and closed my eyes.

_Now you're gone away_

He's not dead. I thought to myself. He's not. I'd feel it. I told myself, not sure if I was trying to reassure myself or thinking a fact.

--------2 Months Later--------

6 Months. 9 hours. 45 minutes. That's how long it's been since the accident that took my husband away from me.

_I can't fake this anymore_

I was sick of putting on a game face for everyone. For Sadie, for Kwest, for the studio, for Briana, and for anyone else. I was sick of getting calls from reporters. I was tired of living. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

_Guess I could blame it all_

I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to move on. I felt ashamed when I laughed. I felt ashamed when I found I was having fun without him. I was ashamed I couldn't look my daughter in the eyes because her eyes were identical to Tommy's.

_On God's game_

I closed my eyes and I could still feel his lips on mine. I could remember how I felt when he touched me. How I felt when we were together. I felt empty without him.

_Or explain what my life's for_

I felt caged in my house. Briana was spending the night at a friends house and I was alone for the first time since the accident. I sighed and grabbed my coat. I was restless and I couldn't stay in the house. I couldn't stay here with his memory.

_Caught in a winters rain_

I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. I had my hood pulled over my head in an attempt to keep myself dry as I walked through the cold winter rain that was plaguing the Toronto Area.

_I can't remember a word you said_

Try as I might, I couldn't remember one conversation. I could remember his scent. I could remember his touch. I could remember the sound of his laugh and the way his breath tickled my skin. I could remember him.

_Take away my fear_

I didn't like the feeling that I was forgetting him. I felt tears sting my eyes. No, I can't forget. I won't forget. I thought as tears fell down my face. I sniffed as I tried to remember anything.

_Please hold on to me_

But nothing came. I felt hopeless. I felt more alone than I ever did. I could feel my legs shake and my heart grow heavy. No. I wasn't supposed to forget. I couldn't forget.

_I'm falling_

I pulled out my cellphone and dialed a number and waiting impatiently while it rang.

"Hello?"

"S-sadie?"

"Jude? Where are you?" She asked and I looked around, not really knowing. I didn't know how far I walked or how far. I just knew that I had to do this.

"I…I don't know." I answered, sniffling slightly. "Listen, Sades, I…" I felt tears falling faster down my face. "I…I'm…I think I'm ready." I said, sniffing.

"Jude, you're never going to be ready." She said, sounding sympathetic. I let out a bitter laugh, my breathe visible in the cold.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I said, closing my eyes and biting back a sob.

"I'll start getting some information together." Sadie said and I nodded, not really thinking I was on the phone. "Jude, are you ok?" Sadie asked and I sighed.

"Yeah." I said, sounding better than I thought I would. I hung up with Sadie and let out a sob. My hand slipped out of my pocket and came over my mouth.

"I'm sorry Tommy." I said, falling down to my knees, sobs wrecking my body. "I'm so sorry." I managed to say between sobs.

_Falling_

--------A Month Later--------

_I will trade it all_

I sat in the church, feeling numb. Sadie had organized the full memorial service, and I had to admit, she did a great job. It was Tommy's closest friends and coworkers. No reporters. Nothing too fancy.

_For another day _

I was numb. I didn't feel anything. Briana sat next to me, looking upset. My daughter has been eerily understanding of Tommy's fate. I think part of that had to do with Sadie.

_Just to feel you and your warmth_

Kwest was up at the podium, telling some story about Tommy that had him smiling through his tears. I didn't hear it. I would have loved to listen, but I couldn't. I couldn't believe that I was here. I keep expecting to wake up and this is all a dream.

_But even pictures fade_

I couldn't take my eyes off of the pictures that were placed around the alter Sadie had set up. Pictures of Tommy from various moments in his life. My eyes wouldn't leave the one of us at our wedding. God we looked so happy. So…in love.

_Black Sunday still burns you in my thoughts_

I remember feeling invincible. That nothing could take us apart. We had beaten everything. But apparently, we couldn't beat death. Tears blurred my vision at the thought and I closed my eyes to contain myself.

_I can't see at all_

I missed him. I wanted this to be a dream. I felt my daughter's small hands tug at my arm.

_Did you fly away_

I looked over at her and her bright blue eyes looked up at me questioningly.

_Did the stars shine bright for you_

"Mommy," She said, her voice quiet.

"Yes Bri?" I asked.

_Guess I could blame it all_

"Is Daddy with the angels?" She asked me, and I felt my heart clench at the words. I was speechless. Where did she…?

_on_ _God's game_

"Yeah Sweetie." I said, ruffling her hair. "Daddy's in heaven." I said, tears falling down my face. Saying the words seemed to make it more…official.

_It was fate that carried you_

I felt a hand on my arm and I looked over to see Mason giving me a sad look. I smiled gratefully at him and held my daughter through the rest of the ceremony.

_Caught in a winters rain_

I was going to raise my daughter. I was going to make sure she remembered her Dad and knew how great he was. I had been being unfair to her since the accident. But I was going to change that.

_I can't remember a word you said_

I felt…oddly, better after the ceremony. I felt more…at peace. I can't explain it. I still didn't believe he was dead. I still felt lonely, I felt lost. I felt like my life was over.

_Take away my fear _

But I felt stronger at the same time. I felt like I could overcome this. I could get past it and raise my daughter.

_Please hold on to me_

I kissed the top of Briana's head and pulled her closer to me.

_I'm falling_

At least I still had part of him.

_Falling_

The minister asked if anyone else had anything left to say, and the whole place was silent.

_You always take away_

Sadie had arranged for an empty coffin to be placed in the cemetery and we got the cue to head to the cemetery.

_Take away_

I held Briana's hand as we walked to my car.

"Jude?" I stopped and saw Mason trying to catch up to me. I stopped and let him catch up. "Want some company?" He asked and I nodded. He smiled kindly at me and Briana giggled at the cowboy hat on his head. I had to agree with my daughter though. A suit and cowboy hat did look silly, but only Mason could pull something like that off.

"Come on cowboy." I said, trying to sound light, but I couldn't. I was burying my husband's empty coffin for crying out loud.

We made it to the cemetery without any further incidents. We walked over to where the gravesite would be, a place I helped Sadie find. We all gathered around and Mason stood with me and Briana. I could see Sadie and Kwest across from me. Sadie holding onto Kwest in a sign of comfort.

_Take away_

We watched as the empty coffin was lowered into the ground. The minister said more words and the whole process was over.

"Jude?" I looked over and saw Chaz Blackburn standing just to the right of me. Chaz and Tommy had become friends again after the charity event that Chaz had asked us to be apart of. "I'm sorry for your loss." He said, hugging me.

"Thanks Chaz." I said, smiling thankfully at him. He nodded to me and looked down at Briana.

"Hey Kiddo." He greeted and Briana grinned up at him. Before anything else could be said, a light rain began to fall on us.

_Caught in a winters rain _

"You ever need anything…" Chaz started to say and I cut him off.

"Thanks Chaz."

"I mean it, Jude. Anything at all, you call me. Don't hesitate." He told me, his tone and eyes more serious than I ever saw on Chaz Blackburn's face.

"I will."

"That goes for me too." Mason told me and I sighed. The place was clearing out because of the rain starting.

_I can't remember a word you said_

"Come on, let's go before we get soaked." Chaz said, taking my hand.

"I…" I looked over at the empty grave and sighed. "Can you…take Briana to the car you guys? I just…I want to be alone for a moment." I asked them. Chaz and Mason nodded their understanding and Briana went willingly with the pair.

_Take away my fear_

I took a deep breath and let it out. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel.

_Please hold on to me_

I let myself just drift away. Just zone out.

_I'm falling_

I opened my eyes slowly, and I looked down at the grave.

_Falling_

I can't explain the feeling, but something felt so off about this.

_And I'm falling_…

Like this wasn't right.

_I'm falling…_

"Please, God…"

_I'm falling_

"Don't let this end like this." I said and sighed as I turned around and went to leave.

_I'm falling_

I froze in my tracks, overwhelmed by a sudden thought. By a feeling that I couldn't explain.

_I'm fallen_

"He's still alive." I whispered to myself, taking one last look over my shoulder at the grave and then walking over to my car where my daughter and friends awaited.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I know it's been awhile, but I've had issues with this chapter. I still don't completely like it, but it works. :D For you Running Back fans, update for that fic will be coming tomorrow (this is late Saturday night my time as I'm updating Black Sunday). I'm glad you guys are enjoying and I promise the next chapter will be a bit more…interesting for ya. This chapter is kind of like…a bridge, if you will, between events. Hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 5**

**2 Years Later**

"Jude, come on," Sadie said, her voice full of exasperation. I sighed and turned around to look at her. It's been just over 2 years since the memorial service. Briana was now 5 and attending Kindergarten and I started to work part time as a producer at G Major. We didn't need the money, between both mine and Tom's careers, we could have lived comfortably for the rest of our lives and had left overs for Briana. But I was bored. Now that Bri was in school, I found myself sitting around and moping. And when I sat by myself, I thought about Tommy and when I thought about Tommy, I cry.

"Sadie, I can't."

"Jude, it's just a date." Sadie said, rolling her eyes.

"No, it's not." I argued. Sadie wanted me to go out on a date to 'get over Tommy'. She didn't understand, I didn't want to get over him. I didn't want to see other people. I wanted my husband back and that wasn't going to happen.

"Jude, come on, Darren is a great guy and I think he'd be-"

"Sadie, I can't. OK, I can't date anyone."

"Why?" Sadie asked me, hands on her hips. "You know Tommy would want you to be happy."

"Because I still love him!"

"Jude-"

"No, Sadie." I said, tears stinging my eyes. Great, now I was going to start crying at work. "I can't. I can't date anyone. I can't _see_ someone. If you want to help me, then stop pushing." I stressed to her.

"I'm just trying to"

"You're not helping, Sades." I said, tears falling down my face. "You can't tell me that if it was Kwest, you'd be jumping at a date too." Sadie's eyes softened and a panged expression registered in her eyes.

"Jude…" Sadie said, her eyes sympathetic. She pulled me into a hug and I let her comfort me for a moment. I closed my eyes and tried to stop my tears. "I'm sorry." She added, soothing my hair. "I just…I just thought it might help."

"I know, Sadie." I told her pulling away. I know my sister is just trying to help. I know that, in a way, she's right. That I have to move on with my life. But damn it, I can't. It killed me before to live my life without him and he was still alive. We could still talk and I could still see his smile and hear his laugh and see that look in his eyes that he gave only me.

"OK, so how about no date, and you and Bri come over to our place this weekend and we'll kick Kwest out and make a girls night and eat cartons of ice cream and eat lots of chocolate and cry over Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella." Sadie suggested, a slight smile on her face and I couldn't help but smile in return.

"That sounds good." I told her, and I meant it. It's been awhile since I hung out with my sister and Briana loves Sadie. It'll be good for her. And for me.

"Good," Sadie said, grinning. "I'll supply the food, you bring the movies." She told me and I nodded my agreement. I glanced at the clock and looked back at Sadie.

"I gatta get going. I have to pick Bri up in almost an hour and I still have a couple small errands to run."

"Yeah, go ahead." Sadie said as I started to pick the place up a bit. "Call me later and we'll work out details for Saturday." She told me sternly and I waved my hand to let her know I heard her and she breezed into the hallway.

I sighed as I turned off the soundboards and put a few miscellaneous things away before I locked the studio door and left for the day.

I walked out to the parking lot and unlocked my Saturn. I got in and turned the ignition and drove into town to grab a few things from the store that I needed to make Bri lunch and both of us dinner for the rest of the week. We weren't low enough on food and commodities to do a full grocery trip, but we were low on things like milk and peanut butter for sandwiches.

I picked up the handful of things I needed and left the store, with only about 5 minutes before I had to be at the school and pick up Briana. I maneuvered the couple bags I had in my arms and dug in my purse for my keys. I pulled them out of my bag and as I looked up, I ran straight into the man before me.

I teetered off center for a moment and he grabbed me with a "whoa" before I fell and dropped everything.

"I'm so sorry," I said and added quickly "Thanks," as I looked up to see who had grabbed me. My eyes widened as I got a look at the man before me. Oh. My. God.

"You ok?" The man asked me, his voice making me weak. Oh. My. God. It…it couldn't be.

"Y-yeah." I stuttered out and he flashed me a smile that made me weak in the knees. The eyes, those clear blue eyes…

"Jason!" I heard a woman yell and I shook my head to clear it. No, it can't be. I'm just…seeing what I wanted. The man, apparently Jason, let go of me and caught up to another woman who had entered the store already. I watched him go, feeling…odd. I couldn't explain it. I felt like…dear I dare say it? Like that was Tommy.

I shook my head again and glanced at my watch. I shifted the groceries in my arms and walked fast across the parking lot, shoving thoughts of the stranger out of my mind. It couldn't be Tommy, I told myself. He's dead. I repeated in my mind, opening my car and shoving the bags in the back seat. I took a deep breath as I got in and turned the key in the ignition. He's dead Jude. I repeated to myself, but it didn't kill the feeling I had. A feeling that deep down that still screamed he was alive.

I turned towards the school. I had to stop doing this to myself. I had to stop seeing things that wasn't there. That man had blue eyes like Tommy. So what, so does over half of the population around the world. It's not that rare of a trait to have. I reasoned with myself. It couldn't have been him. Tommy would have recognized me. And he answered to the woman calling him Jason. I nodded in agreement with myself and blew out a long breath.

Stop doing this to yourself Jude. I told myself as I turned into the school parking lot and cutting the engine. You gatta let go.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Hey guys! Glad you're still enjoying. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, though I'm sure you're all gonna hate how it ends, lol! Sorry it's been awhile since the last update, life is getting hectic with the semester ending soon. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy. Unfortunately, I can't answer reviews this time; I got a bunch of stuff to do and I wrote this on a homework break. Mistakes are mine; I was gonna have it beta-ed but it worked out better than the original draft was working so I didn't end up needing it. Enjoy and I'll try to get more wrote soon. Running Back fans, be on the lookout late tonight/tomorrow afternoon-ish for the update.

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**Chapter 6  
****Saturday Night**

Bri fell asleep near the end of Cinderella and Sadie and I moved into the dining room to talk. We sat down at the table and drank some tea (Sadie's newest fad) and caught up on each other's lives.

"OK, what gives?" Sadie asked me after we went through the motions of talking about work, Bri, and Sadie's relationship with Kwest. They had been dating for just over 3 years and seemed happier than ever.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her, not sure what my sister was asking me.

"You've been" She paused like she was searching for the best word. "distracted. What's going on Jude?" She asked me.

I sighed and knew exactly what Sadie was referring to. Since Tuesday when I ran into the Tommy look-a-like at the Mini-Mart, I couldn't stop thinking about much else.

"I just…I ran into this guy the other day," I started and frowned at Sadie's look. Her eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly, completely attentive for the details to follow. "It's not what you think." I told her sternly and Sadie didn't budge and continued to watch me with interest. "I was leaving the Mini-Mart and ran into this guy. I apologized for not paying attention and when I looked up…" I took a deep breathe.

"He looked like Tommy." Sadie finished with a sigh and a look of sympathy.

"Sadie, he looked _exactly_ like Tommy." I stressed. Sadie's gaze got more sympathetic. "Look, Sadie, I know what you're going to say but"

"Jude, you probably just"

"I didn't imagine it. Sadie, I can't fake how I feel. How I _felt_ when I looked into his eyes. I can't fake that feeling I get when I would be in the same room with Tommy. Sadie, it's the same one."

"Jude, you just thought it"

"Sadie, I know, oh I know." I told her groaning. "But I felt it. Sadie, they never found his body. What if…"

"Jude," She said tiredly.

"Sadie."

"Jude, you need to stop doing this to yourself." She told me, her eyes sad and apologetic. I didn't say anything and Sadie leaned across the table and took my hands. "I know you want Tommy back, we all do. We all miss him."

"Sadie, I'm telling you, he's still alive." Sadie just sighed and didn't respond. "Believe me or don't, but I can _feel _it." I told her. Sadie just shook her head and didn't look convinced.

I know it, I told myself. He's alive, I just have to prove it.

-----The Next Day-----

Briana and I went shopping. I needed to get her some school supplies and since we were out, some new clothes. The girl was growing like a weed and was unable to wear half of her wardrobe. The thought of Bri growing up saddened me. I wanted to share this with Tommy. I wanted him to see his little girl grow up into the beautiful young woman I knew she would. But Tommy…he was gone.

As we walked down the sidewalk, I held Briana's hand tightly and she chatted merrily about the picture she drew in Mrs. K's class and Mr. G, the consonant of the week. Her enthusiasm made me smile and I found myself remembering Mrs. A and Mr. B as well.

My cell rang out and I moved us out of the way and dug into my purse for the phone. I couldn't find it with one hand and I let Bri's go so I could dig easier. I pulled my phone out and glanced at the CID screen before answering it.

"Hey Kat." I greeted, reaching down to grab Bri's hand again to find empty air.

"Hey Jude," Kat was saying and I didn't hear the rest. I looked down and around frantically for my five-year-old daughter and she was no where in my immediate sight.

"Kat, I gatta go." I said hurriedly and hung up the phone and glancing wildly around for my daughter. "BRIANA!" I yelled, moving into the crowd and looking around frantically. Oh my god, Bri. I could feel tears of fear sting my eyes and I tried to ignore it as I looked around for my daughter. I didn't see her on the sidewalk and my heart sank as I could think of only one more scenario.

The busy street.

I whipped my head around and saw my daughter running as fast as her little legs would carry her across the street. She was yelling but I couldn't hear her words.

My voice caught in my throat and I felt my heart stop and my body shut down. There was heavy traffic heading towards my daughter. I could see the cars hitting her small body and leaving her lifeless. I was frozen. I was frozen with fear and I couldn't move my body no matter how hard I tried.

I was aware of people stopping to stare. I heard a car horn blare and I turned my head to see a black sports car trying to break. I squeezed my eyes shut because I couldn't watch. Oh my god. I thought tears streaming down my face.

I heard squealing brakes and people gasping. I heard a thud as the car collided with a body and then it was over. I heard people frantically on their cells calling for 911 and an ambulance.

I managed to open my eyes, my heart in my throat and I managed to move my body towards the accident scene. When I got there, I felt my relief wash over me. My daughter was in the arms of an older man.

"Mommy!" She called out to me and I rushed over and picked her up, not bothering to see if the other man was ok. Yet.

"Briana!" I yelled, feeling choked up. I couldn't muster up the anger to yell at her. I couldn't. I held her to me and closed my eyes, thanking god and whoever else for saving my daughter.

"Mommy, you're squeezing too tight." Briana told me and I pulled back a bit and set her down. I leaned down and grabbed her arms tightly and Briana looked at me with sad eyes. She made it with only a couple scratches and I was thankful that's all the fared.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again." I told her sternly and Briana nodded her head.

"Mommy"

"No Bri. Don't you _ever_ go in the street without me." I continued and she nodded and looked over at the man. "Bri!" I snapped, not happy my daughter was ignoring me.

"Mommy, it's Daddy." She told me and I looked at where she was pointing. The man who saved my daughter was still laying where he fell. I couldn't see his face but there was something about him…

"Excuse me, Ma'am." Someone said and I looked over to see paramedics had arrived. I grabbed Bri's hand and moved her out of the way.

"Bri,"

"Mommy, it's Daddy." She told me again, sounding so certain that I wanted to believe her.

"Sweety, Daddy's…"

"Excuse me, Miss?" I looked up to see one of the paramedics looking at me.

"Yes?"

"Your daughter was involved in this?"

"Yes, I-"

"Does she need medical attention?" He asked, glancing down at Briana and then at me.

"I…it probably wouldn't hurt to have her checked out." I said. Though it looked like she was ok, I didn't want to take a chance.

"Mommy"

"We'll talk about this later Bri, ok?" I said and followed the paramedic over to one of the ambulances. He did a once over on Bri and drove us over to the hospital to get her checked out.

As we rode, I closed my eyes and replayed the scene that had just happened. It was too close. I allowed myself to get distracted and I hated myself. I almost lost my daughter. I felt tears sting my eyes again and I let them fall.

Moments later, we arrived at the hospital and the doctors checked out Briana and bandaged her scrapes and gave her a shot for infection prevention. Overall, she was fine.

As the nurses finished bandaging her up, I stepped out of the room and walked over to the desk. I asked them about the other man who came in and I was directed to a room down the hall.

I had to thank him for saving my daughter. I couldn't thank him enough but I felt compelled to see if he needed anything.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me, and my breath caught in my throat when he looked over at me.

"You don't look like a nurse." He told me, flashing me a smile that made my knees go weak and my mind go numb.

"T-tommy?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Haha, yeah, that last chapter was pretty evil. I hope you guys like this one. OK, so because someone asked if I got a plot idea from As The World Turns (Jack lost his memory and lived with another woman for awhile) which, I didn't, I figured I'd let you guys see if you can figure out where my inspiration came from. It is from a tv show, that much I'll give ya. If you can name the show and the characters involved, I'll give the first person to get it right a plot bunny of their choosing. I won't give away the ending, but I'll answer and give info on something that I normally wouldn't. So, with that being said, happy guessing! Also note, I did get a partial idea from the said show, but I'm not taking the plot from there. I had the plot for this developed before and I couldn't figure out a way to make it work when my friend pointed out a plot from one of our shows and I've been using that as a bit of a guideline to help progress, nothing more. So, if you think you know, provide it in the review along with your question. I'll PM the winner their response. If no one gets it right by the time I post the next chapter (roughly 48-72 hours…I got nothing to do this weekend), then it's done and chance is over. Happy guessing:D

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**Previously:**

**I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me, and my breath caught in my throat when he looked over at me.  
**"**You don't look like a nurse." He told me, flashing me a smile that made my knees go weak and my mind go numb.  
**"**T-tommy?"

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**

**Chapter 7**

"T-tommy?" I asked, staring incredulously at the man before me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe or think. I could only stare and see my husband wasn't dead, but was laying in a hospital bed not three feet away from me.

"I'm sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else." He told me, looking apologetically at me. I wanted to argue, to tell him that no, I wasn't mistaken, but I had to learn more.

"I…sorry, you just…reminded me of someone I use to know." I stammered, shaking my head to clear it and remember the reason why I came here in the first place. I was frozen as his eyes studied me for a moment and I could feel hope rising through my body. But recognition never came.

"Have we…met before?" He asked, sounding like he vaguely knew who I was but couldn't place it.

"Uh…" Before I could answer he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, it's just…you seem familiar." He told me and smiled at me a moment.

"It's ok." I breathed out. Our eyes locked and I found myself getting lost in those blue depths again. I closed my eyes feeling tears sting them. "I uh…I wanted to thank you for saving my daughter today."

"It's fine." He told me casually, like he jumped infront of moving cars all the time to save little children.

"No, really, I appreciate it." I said, and sighed. "I just, I had to thank you and see if you were ok."

"Nothing a couple days rest will cure…except the memory loss." He said and my eyes widened. Memory loss? "But that's pre-existing, so it's all good." He told me, smiling at me. Memory loss? "How's the girl?" He asked me and I snapped myself out of my reverie.

"She's going to be fine. A couple scrapes. Thanks to you." I added and he shrugged. "Look, I" I dug in my purse and found my card. "if you need anything, please call me." I told him, walking over and handing it to him. Our fingers brushed as he took the card from me and my skin tingled pleasantly at the sensation.

"I'll be"

"I'm serious." I told him and he nodded his acknowledgement. Oh my god. This is Tommy. It has to be.

"Jude Quincy, hu?" he said, looking up from the card.

"Yeah." He smiled at me warmly.

"My name's Jason Michaels." He introduced.

"Jason, call me sometime. At least let me buy you lunch or something. It's the least I can do since you saved my daughter's life." I said, the name sounding weird and foreign to me. I had to get him to remember. I had to spend time with him.

"You don't have to."

"I want to." I stressed and he smiled kindly at me and I found myself genuinely smiling back at him.

The door opened and a tall brunette raced into the room. She wore a long white coat and purple scrubs and had a stethoscope around her neck. Obviously a doctor. She raced over to Tom-Jason and pulled him into a hug.

"Oh my god, I was so worried!" She said, sounding relieved. He hugged her back and I closed my eyes, not able to witness the sight before me. I turned around and left silently, trying hard not to cry.

It hurt to see him with someone else. It was a knife to my heart and a blow that made me want to die. My chest was tight and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My head spun and as miserable as I felt, I never felt more alive. I left the room and walked down the hall to get my daughter, a single tear falling down my face. I took a few deep breathe to try and calm my frazzled nerves and walked into the exam room where the nurse was finishing up with Briana. Briana was sucking on a sucker and talking cheerfully with the nurse. She smiled at me and gave Briana a pat on the arm.

"You've been a good girl, Briana." She said, and Briana beamed up at her. "But let's hope we don't see you again, ok?" She said and Briana nodded. I thanked the nurse as she brushed past and left the room.

"You ready to go Bri?" I asked her, helping her off the exam table and taking her small hand in mine.

"Mommy, is Daddy coming home with us?" Briana asked me and I looked down at my daughter, unsure of how to answer the question.

We walked out of the hospital as I thought on it. Tommy was alive. He thinks he's a man named Jason Michaels. He's with a doctor…probably his "girl friend" and he doesn't remember me, our daughter, or our life together. And I had to get him to remember.

"Soon baby, soon." I said, feeling determination sink in. He had my number. I knew his name and had a million contacts. I would find him if necessary. I needed my husband back. I just…had to find a way to get him to remember.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Dear lordy lord lord, I meant to get this done DAYS ago, but alas, life happened. I can't promise another update anytime soon; probably not until another week or so. Next week is my last full week of classes and after that is finals, so I'll be cramming and such for the next two weeks. I'll try to do something to Running Back, but I'm sure this one is going to be on a short hiatus until my finals are over. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. I'm hoping between this and 9 I can get all the "back story" out of the way and jump into the plot. I'm going to be using a lot of medical research crap coming soon, just as a warning. I'm getting excited for the next few chapters. It's where the "goods" comes in. Hope you guys like this and I'll try to get something up if I can.

**

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Chapter 8**

**5 Days Later**

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" Jessica asked me for the hundredth time. Her green eyes were filled with uncertainty and worry. She's been hovering since I was released from the hospital. There was nothing wrong with me except a broken rib and a couple bruises. As long as I didn't move fast, I was fine.

"I'll be fine Jess." I said, exasperated.

"Are you sure? I can take off work to"

"Jess, go, I'll be fine." I told her, touched and annoyed at her worry all at the same time. She constantly worried and constantly hovered. I understood her worry and caution, but I wasn't made of glass. I was more or lessly fine, and I can take care of myself.

Jessica looked conflicted and I sighed, careful not to take to take or expel too much air and walked over to her. I rubbed my hands down her arms and kissed her gently.

"Go to work. Save lives. I'll be fine." I told her and she gave me a weak smile. "I'll call if I need something, ok?"

"Don't hesitate." She informed me. I nodded and she sighed and grabbed her overcoat and purse. "Relax, ok?" She told me and I nodded and waved a hand dismissively. "Doctors orders." She said sternly and I smiled.

"Yes Ma'am." She walked out of the house, hesitating at the door. Once she was finally gone, I sat down on the couch and sighed, a bit too heavily and winced at the quick stab of protest from my rib.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember, anything, from my life before the accident. I always tried this when the house was quiet and Jessica was gone at work. It made it easier to think. Gave me no audience when I got frustrated and I didn't have to answer questions and share disappointment when I couldn't remember anything.

When I woke up from the accident, I was disoriented and confused. I didn't know who I was or where I was. I didn't know the date, the year. I didn't know who was president, I didn't know where I was born, what job I held, who my parents were, nothing. It was like I didn't exist before the accident.

I wasn't in a hospital when I woke up, though Jess told me I was in a coma. She's a doctor, a good one I guess, and because she's my fiancé, the hospital let her discharge me and care for me at home.

She told me I had some kind of amnesia. I forget the actually term used, but it's when you don't remember anything prior from a certain event. Usually it's not complete and usually doesn't last long. But apparently, I defied medical logic and lost all memory and haven't gained anything back. Jess tells me there's nothing they can do. That my brain is scarred and my long term memory is inaccessible to me.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember anything that Jessica had told me about. I tried to remember when I asked her to marry me or how we first met, but nothing. I could only hear her words telling me the story. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't even imagine it. It felt…wrong.

I sighed in frustration and opened my eyes. I hated this. I hated not knowing what my life was. I hate the only things I know about it come from someone who could have been a complete stranger and I wouldn't know better.

I stood up and started to pace restlessly. Jessica said it was possible my memory would return. She said it could happen, but there wasn't anything we could do…medically speaking.

I paused in mid pace and thought about Jess. She has dark brown hair, emerald green eyes and a kind heart. It was obvious why she became a doctor instead of a lawyer or whatever. She has a sharp eye and a keen sense of empathy and understanding. She's laid back and easy going, but she's stern and harsh when she needs to be. She has the body of a model and talked with a slight accent. She seemed to care about me but…I don't know. There's something, almost missing. I don't know if it's my missing memory or what, but when I'm with her, it feels almost like I'm cheating on someone else. Someone I don't know. Someone I don't remember.

Jude. A voice in the back of my mind said. I smiled at the thought of her. Red haired, expressive blue eyes, and an energy around her that was all consuming. When she stepped into the room, it was like she had her own private spot light on her. She was young and there was something…familiar about her. I can't place it. But when I met her eyes, it was a feeling of home; I felt right for the first time since the accident.

I shook my head to clear it and pulled myself from my thoughts. I was just imagining it. I scolded myself. There was no way I could know that woman. She even admitted she didn't know me.

So why can't I stop thinking about her?

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I shut off the soundboard and got ready to call it quits for the day. It's Friday night and I planned to spend it at home with my daughter.

Briana was doing well since the accident. She was more talkative and seemed to be happier since she left the hospital. Not a day goes by that she doesn't ask me about when Daddy's coming home. As much as I wanted and suspected Jason to be Tommy, part of me was afraid to hope. Afraid to believe.

I did my research and total memory loss is extremely rare. It usually doesn't last long and this has been over two years. Besides the highly stacked odds of his condition, I was afraid. What if he was Tommy and he didn't love me? Love us? What if he didn't lose his memory? What if Jason was really just Jason? I couldn't handle it if I let my heart get broken like that again. It nearly killed me the first time around and I couldn't imagine going through all that again. And at the same time, I needed him to be Tom. I needed my husband, best friend, confidant, lover, and greatest pain-in-my-ass. He completed me and grounded me when I was angry, upset, or over-joyed. He's my soul mate and it's like I lost a part of myself whenever we were apart.

How do I find the truth without disappointment? Without heartbreak? I don't know. I don't have the answer and I don't think it's even possible.

My phone chirped from the clip on my jeans. I sighed and glanced at the caller-ID screen, not recognizing the number. I contemplated a moment letting it go to voicemail. Probably just a reporter, I thought. What the hell.

I flipped the phone open and held it to my hear.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Quincy?"

My heart leaped into my throat. Nope. Definitely not a reporter. I swallowed with difficulty, trying to calm my fluttering heart and frazzled nerves. I felt my hands and legs begin to shake and I lowered myself back into my chair so I didn't collapse.

"Yes?"

"This is Jason Michaels, you gave me your card the other-"

"Yes, I remember," I breathed out, closing my eyes and taking solace in hearing his voice. He actually called. I felt a smile spread across my face at the thought.

"How's your daughter?" He asked, sounding genuinely interested.

"She's good, thanks to you." I managed to say.

"It was no problem." He reiterated and I wanted to argue, but I knew there was no point in it. I felt tears sting my eyes. It had to be him. It had to be. "Did you still, um, want to go for that coffee or whatever?" He asked, sounding slightly nervous.

"YES!" I exclaimed and winced. Real tactful Jude. I scolded myself and I heard him chuckle slightly on the other end of the phone and I felt my heart melt.

"Want to do lunch sometime?" He asked, sounding tentative and I smiled. God yes I wanted to.

"That sounds good." I said, keeping my excitement down. My smile was wide and beaming. I probably looked like an idiot but I didn't care. I was going on a sort of date with my husband who I thought was dead. I had a right to be happy. Granted, he doesn't seem to remember me.

"Great," He said and I could hear the smile in his voice. God I missed that sound.

"I've got plans this weekend, but maybe during the week sometime?" I asked, feeling hope rise in my chest.

"Sounds fine to me." I felt relief flood through me. "What day's good for you?" He asked and I sighed, mentally running through my studio schedule.

"Tuesday?"

"Tuesday it is." He affirmed.

He gave me his number and we promised to call if anything came up. I hung up the phone feeling like my teenage self when he asked me on our first date. Tuesday couldn't come fast enough.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **OMG! I was updating with Chapter 10 and then realized I never updated with this one as well! Holy shit guys! I'm so freaking sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I seriously thought this chapter was up! OK, so now because I'm a bad author, I give you chapters 9 and 10. Please forgive me!

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**Chapter 9 **

**Tuesday**

I sat in the café Tom-er Jason and I had agreed to meet. I was a half hour early and anxious he wouldn't show. I had no idea what I was going to say or what to do. I just knew I had to get close to him. I needed answers to my growing list of questions and fears. I needed to know exactly what happened to him so I could figure out how I could help him; if he even let me. I needed to understand why the love of my life didn't return to me.

I just hoped he'd be willing to tell me.

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I left the house and walked towards the café I had set up with Jude. Apparently, I couldn't renew my drivers license because of the memory loss and the potential I could remember at any moment. I guess there's a concern of loss of mental concentration or whatever. Thus, I was strictly restricted to anything within walking distance…unless Jessica was home because she drove.

As I walked, I couldn't help but take in the surroundings. I kept expecting to remember something happening at that store or that street corner. But nothing came. Nothing ever came. I sighed and shoved my hands into my pockets; even though it was 70 (Fahrenheit, I don't remember the conversion to Celsius and I'm too lazy to look it up after a 4 hour accounting lecture).

Jessica didn't let me go out much. She says it revolves around the same principal to why I can't drive; that I could remember something vividly or violently and something bad could happen; I don't know what she expected. Memory is just electrical impulses stored in the brain. I wasn't a doctor, but I didn't think it'd kill me if I remembered something in public, but I wasn't going to argue with a PhD. Hell, for all I knew, I could have been a doctor as well (Jess says I wasn't). Besides that fact, I haven't remembered anything in over a year since I woke up from the stupid coma. As much as I didn't want to admit it, my chances of remembering were dwindling as each second ticked by. It definitely wasn't highly probable that I'd remember at any second.

As I walked, I noticed a couple of people send me second glances; a double-take. Like they thought they knew me but then decided they didn't. Some would shake their heads, as if to clear it, and continue on their way. One woman whispered to her friend. It was slightly nerve wrecking and I stopped watching people the rest of the way to the café.

The little bell on the door jingled as I entered the establishment. As I entered, I instantly caught sight of Jude seated at a booth near the center of the building. I approached her and she looked up as I came over and smiled warmly at me.

"Hi," She greeted, straightening in her seat.

"Hey," I seconded as I slid in across from her. I noticed her fidget slightly. Was she nervous? I wondered. "How's…Briana?" I asked. I think that's what she said her daughter's name was.

Jude smiled at me, apparently pleased I remembered the detail. "Bri's good. She's back at school and talkative as ever." I had to smile at that. It was good to know the kid wasn't emotionally scarred by nearly getting hit by a car.

"That's good." I said and she nodded in agreement. "And you?" I asked and she looked at me, eyebrows raised and I flashed her a smile. I saw something flicker in her eyes, I wasn't sure if I could place it, but it seemed like…sadness.

"Glad that she's ok." Jude said and looked me straight in the eyes. "I can't ever thank you enough."

I shrugged and didn't know what to say. I honestly don't know what compelled me to jump in front of a car to save her daughter. I saw the kid and…I don't know. I don't have a death wish; far from it actually. I saw that little girl about to get hit by that car and…I can't explain it. I just knew I had to save her.

"So, what about you?" She asked and before I could answer, a waitress came over and asked us for our drink orders. Jude ordered a Diet Coke and I went with a Coke. Boring, but it sounded good. Once she left Jude gave me an appraising look and I smiled at her.

"I'm good" I told her and added "more or less." The pain of every time I moved had gone down to a dull ache and a throb if I moved the wrong way. I'd probably regret the walk later this evening to meet her here, but something told me it'd be worth it.

Jude smiled warmly at me and we slipped out of awkwardness and just started to talk. We ordered and ate lunch and She told me about her job and she asked me what I did and I hesitated. I didn't really have an answer for her.

"You don't have to answer…"

"No, it's just…" I sighed. Might as well go with the truth. "I was in a car accident over two years ago."

"I'm sorry." She said, sounding like she genuinely meant it.

I shrugged. "It's a fact." I told her bluntly and continued. "Anyway, I woke up…I think it was six months after the accident from a coma. When I woke up, I didn't remember anything."

"Amnesia?"

"I guess. I woke up and I didn't even know my name." I told her and her eyes softened and look sadly at me.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault." I told her and she looked down at the ground and away from my gaze. The way she sat, I couldn't read her expression, but something told me she felt guilty. Why? I wondered.

"Jessica, she's my fiancé" Jude took in a sharp breath and I couldn't help but feel puzzled by her reaction. I paused and studied her a moment. Jude looked up and I couldn't read the expression on her face. "Are you ok?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"I'm fine." She said, giving me a shaky smile and I let it go; for now.

"I don't know the details, Jess tells me I lost my long term memory in the accident. There's some medical terms and all that crap I don't really understand but that's the gist of that…anyway, because of the memory loss," I frowned and sighed. "I don't know, I guess she's worried about me or something, but I haven't completely got my life back on track."

Jude just nodded. There was something…off about her reaction to all this. She seemed upset and I found I didn't want her to be upset. I barely knew this woman yet…I shook my head to clear the thought. It wasn't possible. I didn't know her. She would have told me. Jess would have told me. Right?

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	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **OK, this chapter has been a toughie for me to get right. I'm so excited for the next few chapters, you guys have NO idea! It's amazing how being on the edge of exhaustion can motivate and put everything together. I'm sorry it's been so long, but life happened.

OH! And, since I forgot last update, I must say it now. Sorry guys, I wanted to release where the "rough idea" came from last chapter but I forgot because I was updating on a rush. Now, full story first: I have always wanted to do a sequel to CMT because I LOVE that universe. I don't know why, but it was my first fic that I ever fell in love with. It's…my baby, I must say, and I think that fic is what got me my recognition on other sites…as well as this one. Though the Two Worlds trilogy was up there as well. I wanted to do a sequel but I needed the right plot. That fic…it was so drama-perfect I couldn't follow up with it without a bang, so to speak. I needed something different, something that I could pull off so well and so differently that only I could write it.

I got this idea talking it out with Rockerbabe one day (my real life best friend). I told her I wanted to so something in the universe, and she told me a prequel might be a good idea, which I thought about and even a "Jude's time in New York and Tommy's time in Canada during the separation" but I dislike writing Other Character romance. What can I say, I'm a Jommy shipper through and through. I got thinking about it, and I wanted to deal in memory loss. I did it in Instant Reality (sort of) and I liked it. I liked the frustrations of the characters and how it just makes for an awesome plot, over all.

Thus, I spent about a few hours talking with JudeQuincy (Another well known Instant Star drama writer and one of my friends I met through the DLS) and was getting her opinion about how to do it and we unraveled the whole fic…basically. But I wasn't sure how to progress it. I had it outlined, but I couldn't think up the kinks and how to for sure make it work out right.

That's when I talked it out with Rockerbabe (seriously, I work out all my plots to my friends…lucky them, lol!) and she reminded me that on General Hospital, there as a plot line we both agonized over with our favorite characters, Nikolas and Emily where Nikolas lost his memory and believed he was someone else do to a psycho chick telling him about his "life". When she reminded me about that, it gave me a couple little things on tweak-age.

For the GH fans, I'm so not going down that road…that got ridiculous! Also note, I have my own reasons for memory loss, lots of research (thanks to my psychology textbook for pointing me in the right direction) and lots of creativity on my part.

So, now you know the story behind the fic. Don't be looking into GH plots because, honestly, it's not going the same way. It's a rough thing to help me guide my way through and figure out how to progress certain things (though it's barely helped, let me tell you). But that's the story behind the fic.

And now, for what you've all been waiting for, CHAPTER 10!

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**Chapter 10**

Over the course of a month, To-Jason and I got to know each other. Something just…clicked right at the first meeting. We connected and he seemed to like spending time with me. And I couldn't refuse him.

When we were together, it was almost perfect. Almost like how it was. If only he'd remember. If only I could find a way to make him remember. To prove to him without a doubt that the life he was living is a lie.

But at the same time…he's happy. As much as it kills me, that's all I ever wanted for him. Of him.

"OK, what gives?" Kat said, smiling knowingly at me.

"What?" I asked, snapping myself of my thoughts. Kat and I were spending a rare afternoon together to catch up. Between my work, her designing, my daughter, and her planning of her wedding to Jamie, we rarely talked anymore.

"Come on, you can tell me. You've been so damn happy lately. Spill." Kat told me, smiling and winking suggestively. I shook my head but couldn't deny the fact that I was happy. My husband is alive. Albeit, he doesn't remember me, but I see him. We laugh, we talk…it's…it's like falling in love all over again.

"Kat, I"

"You met a guy didn't you?!" She squealed out and I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of did." I told her and she squealed and got out of her chair to hug me tightly.

"Oh. My. _Gawd_!" She said, pulling away from me and returning to her seat. "Jude, details!" She demanded, sitting in her seat and leaning forward attentively.

"There's not much to say." I told her, not sure how to break the news.

"Jude. You've been moping around since the accident with Tommy," Kat pointed and added quickly "Not, that I blame you or anything. I don't know what I'd do if Jamie ever…well," She trailed off and looked apologetically at me. "But Jude, seriously. He must be some guy if he can put a smile back on your face."

"He is Kat, he is." I told her, smiling to myself. He's _the_ guy.

I clicked on the radio and left the room, letting the loud volume fill the small house. Jess had left for work and we were supposed to have company over later in the week and the house was a disaster. At least, to her standards.

I sighed and started to pick things up and putting things back in the rightful place. As I worked, I found myself humming a tune. I couldn't place it but it just seemed…right.

I made it into the living room and picked up a few magazines and felt a pounding in my temples. I winced and closed my eyes, the light suddenly making my head hurt. The sudden pain stole my breath and I gasped out and leaned a hand over to feel for the couch before allowing myself to collapse into it. I groaned and rubbed my head in pain, not understanding where it was coming from.

_I watched her sit on her stool and play her guitar, trying to find the perfect chords for her lyrics. God I loved watching her. The light caught her red hair and caused it to shimmer and glow. Sixteen years old and seven years my junior and she made me lust more than any busty-blonde I ever laid eyes on. She's a classic beauty; not busty or overly curvy, but soft and supple. Her smile is contagious, her eyes bright and captivating. Her voice is that of an angel (even when she's yelling) and her mouth full and ever so inviting. I groaned to myself. I couldn't be falling for her. But I was. She stopped strumming and turned towards me and I felt my breath catch in my throat. _

The image faded as quickly as it appeared. I held my head and gasped, taking short and quick breaths.

_What the hell was that_? I wondered, panting and trying to get my body back under control again. My head was throbbing, my body had broken out into a cold sweat, and I was shaking all over. I felt weak and tired and I couldn't understand why or what had just happened.

I took a couple more breaths to steady myself and I got up and carefully made my way to the medicine cabinet to get some aspirin for my pounding head. I downed three with the help of tap water and let myself focus on the…memory?

_No, it couldn't have been a memory_, I told myself, shaking my head. I didn't know a red-headed girl…or did I? I sighed and groaned in frustration. I hate this. _Who was that gir_l? I wondered to myself, trying to see her face in my foggy mind, but it wasn't any use. The memory ended before I could fully see her face.

_Think, damn it! Remember! _I berated myself, hating that I couldn't remember even if I tried.

I winced as my head continued to throb. I rubbed my temples and shook my head to clear it. I couldn't think about this right now. My head hurt and I wanted nothing more than to sleep this killer headache off.

I stepped out of the bathroom again and felt the room start to spin. I held out a hand to the wall to brace myself and closed my eyes and fought back a bit of nausea.

What the hell is wrong with me? I wondered and winced as my head continued to pound painfully.

"_Hey!" _

_I turned my head to see Chaz standing with the guys. They were all dressed in their white suits and bandanas were in the hands. _

"_You going to get ready?" He asked and I sighed. _

_I hated the suit. _

"_The lyrics are too bland!" I argued._

"_They're fine the way they are!" Chaz yelled back, and I fumed. He knew I was right. He just didn't want to admit it. _

"_Yeah, if you're 90!"_ _I spat and Chaz swung his arm back and hit me in the jaw before I could block it. _

"_The lyrics stay." He told me, his voice conveying finality. _

I gasped and opened my eyes. I somehow ended up on the floor of the hallway and I had no idea how long I was there for. The room was still spinning slightly and I felt like I was going to be sick. My head pounded in time with my racing heart and I had a fleeting thought of this is what it must feel like to die.

I took a few deep breaths and I stood up on shaky legs and placed my hand on the wall to steady myself. I felt my stomach lurch and I stumbled quickly in the bathroom and lost my stomach contents in the porcelain bowl. Once finished, I hit the flusher and sat back against the wall a moment to gather my streghth. My whole boy was shaking and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. My head still throbbed and I felt like shit.

I took a deep breath and stood up on shaky legs and rinsed out my mouth with mouthwash to get the bile taste out of my mouth and barely managed to get into the bedroom and collapsed unceremoniously onto the bed before exhaustion seemed to overtake my body. My eyes closed unwillingly and I fell into a blissful state of unawareness, not knowing how much more tortuous headaches I could take.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Hey guys! Sorry that it's been awhile; my life got hectic, especially when ISS had to temporarily take down the gallery and I'm sort of stuck revamping some stuff and uploading more caps. Anyway, I figured as a Christmas gift, I'd write up this chapter and one to Running Back. I'll try my hardest to get RB up shortly. For those that apply, I hope you have/had a Merry Christmas. No review replies this time b/c I'm trying to write to Running Back. I hope you guys enjoy!

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**Chapter 11**

**3 Days Later**

I glanced at my watch again and frowned. Jude was late. She was never late for any of our meetings. I sighed and took another sip of my coffee, wincing as the hot liquid burned its way down my throat.

My cell chirped from my jeans pocket and I pulled it out while simultaneously flipping it open, not bothering to look at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"Jason, Hey, I'm so sorry, but I got tied up at work and…"

"It's ok," I said, noticing Jude's frazzled tone. She was speaking fast and breathing relatively heavily. "Just, take a breath and relax a moment." I advised her and I could feel her smile on the other end of the phone. Strange, I was never able to 'feel' Jessica's smile.

"Anyway, I'm so sorry,"

"it's fine," I told her, and meant it. I was worried about her not showing up, and it was nice to hear her voice and know she was ok. A bit frazzled sounding, but otherwise, okay.

"I can't make it." She said, sounding disappointed and I felt my own disappointment set in.

"Oh," I said, not able to say much more. Why did my heart feel heavy? She's a friend…

"Can we reschedule?" She asked and I nodded and realized she couldn't see a nod over the phone.

"Yeah, it's cool."

"It's just, I have this deadline and…"

"It's fine, Jude." I told her and sighed. "I'll talk to you later, ok?" She agreed and we both hung up.

I slipped my phone into my pocket and sighed heavily. I reached for my wallet and was searching for some small bills when I heard someone stop next to me. I glanced up and the woman's eyes widened in…surprise? Shock? I wasn't quite sure how to read her expression, and honestly, it kind of scared me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, carefully, not quite knowing what to make of this.

"Oh my god!" She squealed out, and I looked around, expecting to see some superstar sitting next to me, but alas, no one. "You're…you're" She stuttered out, looking like she was going to have a heart attack on the spot.

"Miss, are you alright?" I asked, feeling concerned for her health.

"You're Tom Quincy!" She barely managed to get out and I frowned.

"I'm sorry, you must be mistaken." I told her, setting a 5 on the table and sliding out of the small booth.

"No, I…you're" She took a long look at me and sighed. "You just…look so much like him…" She said, eyes boring into mine and I shrugged.

"Sorry, but I'm not him." I told her and left before she could argue any more. As I walked down the street, I froze suddenly in midstep, a frown on my face.

_Tom Quincy?_ I shook my head. _I can't be. Jessica wouldn't lie to me about who I am. _

I shook my head to clear it and kept walking and frowned once again, remembering a memory fragment from the other night. The guy had gotten my attention by calling out "Hey T!" _What did "T" stand for?_

I stopped and tried to remember, tried to think on it, but nothing came up. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know. Who was Tom Quincy? Why was that girl so excited to see him? Didn't Jude originally call me Tommy when she stepped into the hospital room?

I took a deep breath to gather my wits and glanced at traffic before rushing across the street. There was one way to find out, and damn it, I was going to.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Please note, I don't live in Toronto. I work in a library and thus, I'm basing this library scene off of the library policies at my workplace. If any Canadians want to correct me, I'll make note of it for the next time. I hope you guys like the chapter; relatively short, but more to come soon. As always, comments are my life and my drug; you can't deny an addict right?

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**Chapter 12**

I walked into the public library and looked around the lobby. As I entered, a large white and oak desk labeled "Circulation Desk" with two computers was before me. A bored teenager sat behind the desk, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else than here at the moment. The place was so quiet that I could hear the electric lights humming from the ceiling and the sound of my shoes clicking against the hardwood floor. Come to think of it, I didn't know tennis shoes could click on hardwood.

I approached the desk and the teenager brightened. Apparently, happy that some poor sucker walked into the door and was anxious to help. I think I'd be happy as well.

"May I help you?" The girl asked, looking hopefully at me.

"Do you have public internet here?" I asked and the teen sighed, like she'd answered the question a hundred times before.

"Go down to where it says "Information" and the reference librarian will hook you up." She said, gesturing with her left hand to head to the left, sounding a bit disappointed the question was so easy.

I thanked her and walked down the single step to get from the lobby to the…seeming adult side of the library. There were rows of computers set up and book shelves surrounding the area. I could see a space mural painted on the far left wall before me with signs designating it the Young Adult section.

I glanced around quickly and saw the desk the teen had indicated, very clearly marked "Information" in large black letters from a vertical column from the ceiling. As I approached, the librarian looked up at me. She was middle aged with short dark hair and glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose.

"Can I help you?" She asked in a relatively cheery tone.

"The girl at the desk told me to come down to see you about the internet." The woman smiled at me and handed me a single page policy I had to read and sign. It was a, what seemed to be, generic privacy statement that included the library couldn't be held responsible for what you look at on public computers and not to give out personal information and no buying/selling, blah blah blah. I filled out the form saying that I read and agreed to the policy and she told me to select a computer and I had a half hour time limit unless no one was waiting then I could take as long as I needed. I thanked her and sat down at a computer that was more off to the side and away from prying eyes.

I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nervous as I pulled up Google and typed into the search field "Tom Quincy". I came up with about a billion websites hits and groaned to myself.

This was going to take awhile.

What I learned about Tom Quincy, after two hours of searching fan sites, the man is a player extraordinaire, was a member of a 90's boy band known as Boyz Attack, and worked as a producer after he left the band and got denied a solo-record from his manager.

Oh, and he's hot; at least, according to a billion posted messages on message boards. Most of the sites were fan sites and I couldn't find much in the way of pictures; most were from concerts or blurred peperattzi shots.

I scrolled through and stopped when I saw "_Tom Quincy and Jude Harrison to be married_". Jude? I clicked the link and an article from People magazine loaded onto the screen. I read the article and clicked the link that said images and felt my breath catch in my throat. My eyes widened as I took in the couple.

_Holy shit_.

Despite being a few years younger, that man in the picture with Jude, could have been me. The first picture was of the two of them posing for the camera. His arms were around her waist and her head lying back on his chest. The next was of a kiss and the last of the "customized" rings they had ordered.

I shook my head to clear it. No, that couldn't have been me. _Jude…she…no_. I banished the thought and went back to the Google search and took a deep breath to calm my nerves. _Jude would have said something. Besides, didn't she say her husband…_I frowned. _Died?_

I scrolled to the top of the page and edited my search to add "death" at the end and a new list of sites popped up. The first was an editorial from Friday, June 18, 2011 on the CTV site. Ah-ha, I thought triumphantly as I clicked the link and skimmed the opening of the article to read what happened.

_This picture perfect spring day ended in tragedy. _

_During the evening rush hour, a 12-car accident occurred on the express way. The driver of a 2009 Ford Taurus went to cut-infront of another vehicle, and failed to notice another car in the blind-spot. The Taurus force from the car caused the other driver to loose control, resulting in one of the worst accidents of the decade resulting in the deaths of five people, including Toronto's own Thomas Quincy, a producer at G Major Records and husband of Instant Star Winner, Jude Harrison-Quincy..._

I couldn't read anymore of this. My head was spinning and I suddenly felt like the walls of the building were closing in on me. I quickly clicked the 'x' on the browser window and hastily got up from the chair and rushed out of the library.

_It's not true. I wasn't this…this…famous guy. I wasn't…no. It's…_I shoved the bar on the door to get outside and stopped on the porch and took a deep breath of fresh air, trying to calm my frazzled nerves and harried thoughts. _I couldn't be. Someone would have…should have told me by now. Jude would have…_

I saw the images on the internet of the two of us…them together. _She would have. _

_Jude even said herself she was mistaken. I mean…everyone has a twin, right? It's been proven before. People can look like each other, I mean, look at celebrity look a likes? I could be just a look a like. Yeah, that's it. _

I still felt frazzled and physically shaken. _I couldn't be Tom Quincy. I couldn't._ _It wasn't possible. It was a coincidence._

I stepped away from the library and strode off towards home.

I couldn't be him. It's all…car accidents aren't all that infrequent. I told myself; it doesn't mean that…this could be true. I took a deep breathe and shoved my hands deep in my pockets. _It wasn't true_.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I wasn't convinced.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Ah yes, another update:D Just what you guys were waiting for, right? So, this is officially my last update of 2006. Scary thought, know? I'm giddy with excitement for the next couple of chapters. I finally got to the stuff that's, more or lessly, all planned out. I hope you all have a safe and happy new year!

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**Chapter 13**

I walked into the house as my cell rang. I shoved the door closed behind me and tossed my keys on the table and answered it, glancing over to see my keys slid off the table and land on the floor with a loud clanging noise. I winced and hoped it didn't scratch.

"Hello?"

"Jason, are you alright? You sound…upset." Jessica quickly asked and I sighed.

"I'm fine, Sweetie." I told her, shoving any lingering thoughts of my library search to the back of my mind. I could think on that later.

"I was calling to ask you if you could find my necklace," She told me, "I got all my stuff ready for tonight, but I forgot my necklace in my dresser."

Jessica and I were supposed to go out with a few friends of hers from work tonight. We were going someplace relatively fancy and the name of the place is momentarily escaping me.

"Of course, I'll find it." I told her, _anything to take my mind off of today_. I added silently.

"Thank you so much," She told me and her tone grew serious. "Are you sure you're ok? You don't sound like yourself."

"Everything's fine." I told her, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

"OK," She said, sounding unconvinced. "Well, I guess I'll see you tonight then." She said, sounding harried.

"Of course," I responded and I heard her talking to someone around her, her voice muffled like she was holding her hand over the receiver.

"Honey, I got to go. I'll see you tonight." She told me and I said my goodbye and we hung up.

I sighed and set my cell down on the counter and snatched my keys off the floor and set them down. I sighed and went into the bedroom to find Jessica's necklace. She said it was in her dresser, which contained about 15 drawers, and I doubt I would get lucky enough to find it on the first try. Or find by the time I needed to be at the restaurant.

I opened the top drawer at the left and systematically made my way through, searching carefully for the piece of jewelry. I was halfway through when I felt a velvet box come into contact with my fingers. _Finally_, I thought as I withdrew it from the drawer.

I frowned when the box was in full view. It definitely wasn't a necklace box and it was dusty as all hell; like it hadn't been touched in a few years. I examined the box for a long time, trying to debate if I should look at it. Jessica rarely wore rings; she says they get in the way of the latex she needs to wear over her hands at the hospital. I went to place it back, but something told me to look at it. Something about this box had me uneasy. I sighed and pulled my hand back.

_What the hell_, I thought and opened the box and looked at the content inside. When my eyes lay on the object, my mind went blank. Inside definitely wasn't her necklace. And it definitely wasn't a ladies ring. My breathing quickened and my heart pounded. Blood roared in my ears and something told me this wasn't right.

_What the hell_? Rang through my head as I picked up the white-gold ring that lay in the box and held it up.

My heart had all but stopped beating and my breath was caught in my throat. My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. My body felt like led as I stared at the ring in my hands.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to gather my wits. The ring was a wedding band. That much was clear. The image from my search earlier popped into my head and I shook my head to clear it.

_This couldn't be…_

I turned the ring sideways so I could read the underside.

_Love always, Jude. _

Was inscribed in the band. The wedding band.

_Shit,_ I thought, staring at the ring in disbelief. I turned it over again in my hand and I remembered the picture online of the dual custom rings I had seen earlier. And here I was, holding the real thing. _This isn't happening_. I thought, closing my eyes and trying to make more sense out of the situation.

I took a deep breath and put the ring back in the box and snapped it shut. I got up from my kneeling position on the floor and shoved the box into my pocket and walked back into the kitchen where my cell waited on the counter.

I snatched it up and scrolled through my recent calls and hit send when I found the number I was looking for. As the phone rang, I tapped my foot impatiently, praying that she would answer.

"Hello?"

"We need to talk."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Hey guys! I hope you all had a happy new year! Sorry it's taken me so long to get this up, I didn't really plan for that to happen, but it kind of just did. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I must say, I still love seeing your reviews. So glad that ff.n got it's review/story/author alerts going again. I missed getting the alert for reviews and my favorite fics being updated. OK, so here's the moment you've all been so desperately been waiting for…who'd he call! Dun dun dun! Enjoy! Though I'm sure you're still going to be 'mad' at me.

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Chapter 14**

I knew something was wrong the moment he opened his mouth. The way he talked…it wasn't Tommy. There was something off in his voice and I couldn't even begin to figure out what it was.

He asked if I could meet him and I agreed. I wanted to find out what was bothering him. What was wrong.

And here I am, 6:58 on an August evening, sitting on a park bench and waiting for Tomm-Jason to arrive. I sighed and put my head in my hands. I had to tell him. I couldn't keep doing this to myself, to Briana, and most of all, to Tommy himself. He didn't deserve this. None of us does. I just had to figure out the best way to tell him.

"Hey," He greeted as he sat down next to me and I sat up and looked him over carefully, trying to judge his mood. Something was definitely wrong. His blue eyes weren't showing any emotion, His jaw was slightly clenched and his posture stiff. Otherwise, no emotion was conveying through his body language. Very unlike Tommy.

"What's up?" I asked, immediately worried about him.

"I was kind of hoping you would tell me." He said, looking directly into my eyes.

"Hu?" I was confused. What did he mean by that? Tom-Jason barked out a bitter laugh and I suddenly felt chilled. What happened? I wondered. "Jason, what's wrong?" I asked and he pursed his lips in anger and it hit me. Oh. My –

"How the hell can you sit there and pretend like-"

"Tommy!"

"No. You…you _lied_ to me." He spat, turning to face me directly and I had never seen him look so angry.

"Tommy, I"

"I thought I could trust you! And you…" He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He laughed bitterly again. "Joke's on me, right?"

"Please, just, tell me what happened so I can-"

"So you can what, Jude? Hu? What can you do to make this any better?" he asked me and I felt tears sting my eyes.

"Tommy, please, just…let me explain."

"Explain what, Jude? How I found _this_ hidden in a dresser drawer at home?" He asked, pulling something out of his pocket and shoving it into my hand. I glanced down and immediately recognized his wedding ring. "Or how about I had to find out I'm someone else from the god damned internet?"

"I'm sorry." I said weakly, tears running down my face. "I wanted…I wanted to tell you."

"And you didn't." He stated ice-ly and it stung.

"Would you have believed me? If I told you?" I asked him and he didn't respond. I took that as a signal to continue. "Don't you think I wanted to? Don't you think I wanted you to remember me? Remember our daughter? Anything?" I reached over and took his hand and he didn't withdraw it. He didn't do anything. Just continued to stare out into the park, not meeting my gaze. "I couldn't stand to lose you again. God Tommy, I thought you were dead! I spent every day praying to God to bring you back to me. I spent months upon months crying myself to sleep. And then, I found you." I said, trying hard not to loose control of my emotions but finding it hard. Tears were pouring down my cheeks now and I never felt so desperate in my life. Not even when he was dead. "It was almost like my wishes had been granted. I thought…I don't know. Being your friend was better than having you dead." I sniffed and continued. "And for awhile, I was fine with it…or at least, as fine as I could be."

"Jude, I don't know…I don't know what to do. What to believe." He told me, looking into my eyes. And I saw how lost he was.

"I know this has to be hard on you…"

"So it's true?" he asked, cutting me off. "I am your husband?" I nodded, not able to say much more. "I don't even remember you." He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Remember us."

"I'm not going to pressure you into-"

"I have a kid, Jude."

"Who loves and adores you," I admitted and added "but I don't expect anything. I know…you're happy with Jessica-" His eyes suddenly widened at the mention of Jessica and he got pale all the sudden. "Tommy, what?"

"Shit," He said, leaning down and putting his head between his hands. I watched him, suddenly filled with worry. Why did he get so pale? I wondered and began to rub small circles on his back. "She lied to me," He muttered, sounding almost broken.

I didn't know what to say in response to that. It was true. She filled his head with a false life. With false hopes and dreams and promises. She took him away from me and Bri and though I never met the woman, I hated her with a passion I never knew I could.

"She told me that…" He shook his head suddenly and sat up and leaned back with a groan. "I need to talk to her." He said, looking over at me. "I need to know."

I nodded my understanding. "If you need anything-"

"Yeah," he said, sounding almost sick.

I watched as he got up and left me alone. I glanced down at the ring in my hand and I closed my fist around it, a sob escaping my throat as I replayed the conversation in my head. I didn't know if he hated me or understood me. I took a deep breath to try and get my body's emotions under control and got up with shaky legs from the park bench and headed back home.

Once I got home, I opened the door and Sadie got up from her seat on my couch and walked over to me. She took one look at me and her expression changed to worried.

"Jude, what's-"

"Sadie, I messed up," I said, breaking down into tears again and Sadie wrapped her arms around me and held me as I cried.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Yeah I know, it's been awhile. I've gotten busy getting into the groove of school. I hope you all like this update, I've been working on it for a couple of days. It's a bit longer than usual, part of why it's taken so long, but it's also been hard to make sure Tommy's not too whiny sounding, and Jessica isn't too stupid sounding, and Jude isn't too whiny either. It's hard to find a perfection, but I like how it's turned out. As always, your comments are greatly appreciated. I'd love to know how you felt the characters worked/didn't work this time around. As always, thanks for your wonderful reviews. I always look forward to them. Right now, I'm going back to work a bit on the intro to chapter 16, so I'll answer reviews once I finish with that, if your alert goes through before or you stubble onto this before I get to it, lol! Enjoy the chapter!

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**Chapter 15**

"Jude, what happened?" Sadie asked me as she stroked my hair. I don't know when or how, but we were seated on the couch and I was dabbing my eyes with Kleenex and trying to pull myself together.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," I muttered miserably. I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands, staring down at the floor, tears threatening to fall down my face once again.

"Jude, honey, you know you can tell me anything." Sadie said, her voice soft and full of worry. Her hands continued to stroke through my hair and I couldn't help but wish that it was Tommy's hands instead.

"I messed up Sades," I started, looking up into her eyes and Sadie looked back at me questioningly. "I messed up everything." I whispered and began to tell Sadie everything.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw things and most of all, I wanted to hurl. Just the thought of what Jessica did…it sickens me. It really does. I trusted her. I relied on her and everything she ever told me was a lie. Everything I knew was based on fiction. Everything I am…I shook my head.

As much as I didn't want to see her again, I had to know. I had to know why. I had to know what sick and twisted things were going on in her head when she…I scoffed and laughed bitterly. _What the hell did she really do_? I found myself wondering.

I made it hom…to her place and sighed. As I opened the door, I could hear Jessica's voice coming from the other room, her voice was muffled but I could hear the franticness in her tone. I took a deep breath and didn't bother to take off my shoes or my jacket. I wasn't sure if I was going to be staying long and I didn't want to bother with shoes and a jacket if I needed to escape.

I followed the sound of Jessica's voice and wound up heading towards the Kitchen. She must have been on the phone because I could hear no one responding to her as she talked. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen, she looked up from the table, a look of relief crossing her features when she saw me.

"Yes…no nevermind. Here he is." She said hurriedly and ended the call before setting the phone down on the table and rushing over to me. She wrapped her arms around me and I did not return her hug. "Oh my god, I was so worried." She murmured into my shoulder as I stood stiffly before her. Jessica let her arms fall back to her sides as she pulled away from me. "Where were you?!" She demanded, her eyes narrowing in suspicion as she regarded me.

I answered her with a shrug; I really don't think she wanted to know what I've been up to all day. "I was worried and" She paused in her sentence and she studied me a moment before her expression changed. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked, her expression changing to one of pure worry. She stepped closer to me and lifted her hand to caress my cheek and I flinched away. Jessica looked wounded by the action but dropped her hand.

"Jase, what's wrong?" She asked, her voice breaking slightly.

"Jess, I need you to be honest with me." I started and she frowned slightly. "I need to know about the night of the accident."

Jessica looked puzzled as she gazed at me. Her arms crossed over her chest slowly and I didn't back down. I needed this.

"What's you're sudden interest in the accident? You've never wanted to know the details before." She said, looking dazed.

"I need to know," I answered, my eyes pleading with her. She sighed.

"I've told you, you were on your way home from work when-"

"Where did I work?" I asked, probing her for information. She frowned.

"It doesn't matter. You didn't like your job that much." She answered, anger starting to edge into her tone.

"Jess, Please."

"Jase, it's been a few years, I don't" I scoffed and rolled my eyes. _Right, of course, she didn't remember._

"What's bringing this on?" She asked me, her eyes looking hopeful. "Are you starting to remember Baby?"

"Don't," I hissed, and her eyes widened in questioning. "Don't do this."

"Jason, I don't know what you're talking about." She stated simply and I sighed. _New approach_.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" I asked her quietly, keeping my expression impassive.

"What are you talking about?" She asked me again, her frown deepening. She stepped closer and held out her hand. "Jason, are you feeling ok?" She asked, trying to feel my forehead and I grabbed her wrist.

"I'm not Jason." I told her in a venomous tone and she looked like I slapped her.

"What?"

"You heard me." I snapped. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my anger under control_. I couldn't lose it. I had to do this. I had to get answers_. "What really happened the night of the accident?"

"I told you, you"

"No, you didn't." I said, looking into her eyes and pleading with her. "I have to know."

She sighed and continued on with what she was saying before. "There was a bad car accident, I don't know the play by play, I wasn't there so don't even ask." Her voice sounded irritated, like this whole thing was an inconvenience for her and I wanted nothing more than to forget about this woman and move on with my life…whatever life that was. "You were brought to the hospital where"

"Which hospital?" I asked. She pursed her lips in annoyance.

"St. Lukes, where I did my residency," Her voice was tight and conveyed her pure irritation. "You were unconscious, bleeding profusely from the head and sustained several deep lacerations all over your body. Your left wrist was broken, and several of your ribs." She paused and looked me in the eyes. "What brought all this on?" She asked.

"I didn't have a reason to doubt you before." I said honestly and her puzzled expression showed she didn't know about the ring yet. "I found something in your dresser earlier. Something you were hiding from me."

"I don't know what you're-"

"It was a wedding ring."

"Jason, we're engaged"

"Jessica, it was inscribed 'Love Always – _Jude_'." She didn't have a response for that one. "Jessica, _please_, tell me the truth."

She was silent, her gaze not meeting my eyes.

"Jessica, what happened?" I asked again, lowering my tone and softly asking her. My eyes pleaded with her and tried to coax a response from her. She sighed and folded her arms across her chest. I realized then that she wasn't going to tell me. It hit me that somewhere down the line, she convinced herself that I was someone else. That I wasn't…I shook my head and thought back to the article I had read on the internet. "What date was the accident?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just tell me." I snapped. She sighed.

"June 18, 2011." She answered.

So it was true.

"Jessica, I'm not Jason." I said softly.

"Yes you are," She argued. "Honey, you're just confused. Let's talk about this." She pleaded and I couldn't help but feel some sympathy for the woman. She really believed her lie. I don't know what was more pathetic; the fact she was so sure of her crazy lies or the fact I was feeling a bit sorry for her.

"There's nothing left to talk about." I told her, turning around and heading towards the front door. I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to leave this place before I started to buy into her delusions again. The evidence is there. It's plain as day. I am not Jason Michaels. I'm Thomas Quincy.

"Jason!" Jessica yelled. I could hear the tears in her voice. "Jason, please talk to me-"

I turned around, my hand on the door and opening it as I talked. "Jessica, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." I said, shaking my head and walking out the door. I could hear her yelling, pleading as she was probably scrambling for shoes.

I walked briskly away from the house and down the street. I was a few blocks away when realization hit me. I had no where to go. I sighed and paused in mid-step. I couldn't go back to Jessica. I couldn't stand to look at her let alone share a place with her. I couldn't get a hotel/motel room. I had no cash and would have to charge it; she could find me that way if she really wanted to.

I took a deep breath to try and settle my nerves. I racked my brain to think up my options, but I kept coming back to the same conclusion. I only knew of one person who could really help me make sense of everything. Jude.

I finished my story and Sadie sat quietly next to me. I couldn't look her into the eyes. I knew she didn't believe me. I know she couldn't. She had to think I was delusional and desperate. She couldn't let me fall into false hope. It's her job as my sister to try and protect me. It's always been her job. I know it kills her she can't help me with this. I know she doesn't like to see me hurt and in pain – physical or emotional. She's my big sister and my life long friend. She's my protector and my number one enemy.

"Jude, honey,"

"It's ok." I said, looking up into her eyes. "You don't have to believe me."

"Jude, it's just…it's hard to believe." She told me and I sighed and rubbed my hands over my eyes.

"I know," I whispered, feeling tears stinging my eyes. God I wish I could just…talk to him. Make sure he's ok.

"I just"

"Mommy?" I heard Briana's small voice from the top of the stairs. I got up from my seat on the couch and hurried to the bottom of the steps.

"Bri, what are you doing up?" I asked as I walked up the stairs. "It's past your bedtime."

"I'm not sleepy." She said as she rubbed at her eyes. I smiled and reached down for her hand.

"Come on Kiddo, it's bedtime." I told her and she shook her head no.

"I wanna stay up with you and Auntie Sadie." She said, her voice deep and raspy from being tired. I smiled at her and bent down to take both her hands.

"Sweetie, it's bedtime, you need to get some sleep or the boogeyman will get you."

Briana shook her head and yawned. "No such thing." She told me and I heard Sadie laugh softly behind me.

"Well Bri," Sadie said, coming up the stairs behind me. "If it's ok with Mommy, we can stay in your room until you go to sleep." She said and both girls looked over at me.

"Pwease Mommy!" Briana asked and I sighed.

"Ok, but you have to go to bed." I told her and Briana nodded and led us into her room. Sadie and I retucked Briana in and we talked about school and whatever else her Five-year-old brain thought up. Slowly her eyes began to get heavy and she'd nod off before snapping them open again and trying to engage in conversation again.

After a good 15 minutes, Briana was out. Sadie and I smiled at each other and I bent down to place a kiss on her forehead when I heard a muffled knock on the door. I turned around and Sadie shot me a questioning look. I shook my head in response and Sadie left the room and walked down the stairs to open the door.

I felt my heart beat quicker at the thought of something being wrong. I bent down and fixed Briana's blanket and left another kiss on her forehead before walking out of the room, closing the door softly behind me.

"No, wait!" I heard Sadie say, as I walked down the stairs. Her voice sounded odd, almost like - Sadie rounded the corner and looked up at me. "Jude, you need to get down here." She said, her expression scared me. Her face was pale and her eyes were wide. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

"Sadie, what's wrong?" I asked as I rushed down the stairs and glanced over at the door to see my missing husband standing at the door, looking like he was lost.

Our eyes locked and I was frozen. My heart stopped and my breath was caught in my throat. I never thought I would see him in this place again, it was…I felt tears sting my eyes. I wanted to run over to him and throw my arms around him and kiss him for as long as I could go without oxygen. His eyes were soft, filled with confusion, and even a hint of the old look he use to give me. The one that made my knees go weak.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." He said, turning around and heading to the door.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Ok, so I originally planned for this chapter to be a bit longer, but it's late-ish and I'm tired from getting only 3-4 hours of sleep last night. I like how this turned out and I hope you guys too. The next chapter starts the juice, if you will. To come? Why Tommy lost his memory? Will he get it back? How does he adjust to his new life? How does Briana take to her father being home again? How does Jude handle it? Gah, so many questions, so many possibilities! I hope you guys stay with me for this. I'm so psyched for the next two, just too tired to write. Who knows, maybe I'll write like crazy tomorrow. OH! And, for those of you who don't know, I started a new-ish fic called Low. I posted part one before the new year and just added part two. It's a season 3-esk fic in Tom's pov. It's, hopefully, a bit different from what you've been seeing around and I hope you guys check it out, if you haven't already. Um…I think that's it…maybe. I don't know. Anyway, enjoy the chapter (did I say that yet?) and stop reading my ramblings and skip to the chapter. Seriously, that's what you came here for! Why read this…well, I'm glad if you do because you'll find out about Low, but seriously…gah, why do I even bother? OK, I'm done. Enjoy the fic (yeah I know, I already said that) and don't forget to review (like you don't already?) cuz it makes me happy and, seriously, makes me post more sooner. Onward and Upwards and all that jazz!

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**Chapter 16**

As I raised my hand to knock on the door, I froze. God this is so…stalker-ish. I found Jude's address listed in a phonebook I found in a phone booth. I didn't call her, I didn't ask if it was ok if I came by. I just…did. I raised my hand and ran it through my hair. What the hell was I thinking? Jude has a kid. I can't just barge in and…

I groaned in frustration. This whole thing was fucked up. I know that, technically, this is my house too, but what if she didn't want me here? What if…I closed my eyes. I need to stop thinking what if.

I took a deep breath and knocked. I waited, bouncing on the balls of my feet, for someone to open the door. I never felt so nervous in…well, not that I could remember anyway. I sighed and turned away. She must be asleep already or something. I thought and stepped off the porch. The door opened and I turned around.

A tall blonde stood in the doorway. Her body was that of a model and, despite the later hour, she looked like she just applied make up and curled her hair. Not one hair was out of place and her eyes the most startling green I've ever seen. Her collared dress shirt was perfectly pressed and the color set off her complexion and showed off her curves in a sophisticated way. She stared at me, her eyes wide.

"I'm sorry, I've got the wrong place-"

"No!" She shouted, stepping just outside the door and motioning for me to come in. "It's just…" She stammered, obviously not expecting to see me. I regarded her a long moment before the woman stepped into the house and called for Jude. "Come inside, Tommy." She told me, her voice disbelieving.

I glanced towards the street and sighed. What the hell did I have to loose? I thought as I followed the older woman into the house. She kept staring at me, almost like she couldn't believe I was standing there. It was really starting to creep me out and I shifted under her scrutiny.

"I…I can't believe that…" She stammered as she closed the door behind me and continued to stare a moment. She shook her head and held up a finger, the universal sign for one second. She left the entryway and I was left glancing around. The home seemed warm and friendly and I felt relatively at ease once the blonde had left me alone. I could see how Jude would like it here.

I could hear Sadie calling up the stairs for Jude and I considered turning around and leaving the house.

"Sadie, what's wrong?" I heard Jude's voice say and I felt my anxiety rise.

I shouldn't have come here, I thought suddenly, and was frozen when Jude rounded the corner and locked gazes with me. Just one look froze me in place and stole my breath away. God she's beautiful, I thought. Despite the red eyes, disheveled hair and clothes, she looked radiant. She wasn't the stark beauty that…Sadie, is, but a classic beauty with soft features and a different kind of spot light.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." I stammered out suddenly and turned around and reached for the door.

"No!" she practically yelled and I started at the sound and turned around to look at her, surprised at the force she used. Jude winced, as if not happy with her reaction and stepped closer to me. "I mean, this is your house too." she said, her voice small and weak. "You're always welcome here."

"I need to call Kwest…" Came Sadie's dazed voice and I saw her leaving the foyer and heading further into the house from the corner of my eyes, but I was more focused on Jude to worry more about her. Her eyes were almost pleading with me to stay and I sighed.

"I um...I didn't have any other place to go." I admitted and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket to try and hide my nervousness and resist the urge to wring my hands. I looked down at my shoes, not able to meet her eyes. I felt her come closer to me.

"I've never been your last resort before." She said, her voice breaking slightly.

"I'm sorry, it's just,"

"You're confused." she finished and I looked up at her, surprised that she finished my thought before I found the word I was looking for. She gave me a soft smile and I couldn't help but smile back. Jude slipped her hand in hers arm and led me out of the foyer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as we walked into the livingroom and sat down on the tan, plush couch. I glanced around a bit, seeing pictures cover the coffee table in a tasteful arrangement. Across from us, a large bay window overlooked the front yard and the room was lit by the soft glow of a couple lamps. The walls were painted a calming cream. I sighed and looked back at Jude, our gazes locking.

"It's probably best to get this out of the way."

She nodded in agreement and Sadie entered the room again. We both looked up as she came into the room. She looked at me and shook her head, almost incredulously.

"I just…I can't believe it." She said, and I glanced at Jude and then back at Sadie again.

"Tommy, this is Sadie. My older sister." She explained and I nodded. I could see the resemblance now. Sadie gave me a sympathetic smile.

"You really don't remember?"

"I don't." I confirmed and she shook her head incrediously.

"That's just…"

"Sadie?"

"Yeah?" She said, looking over at her sister.

"We know." Jude said, and Sadie shook her head again.

"I'm sorry, it's just…I'm sorry Jude." Sadie said, sending Jude a look of pure apology and leaving me feeling more confused than I was before. "I um, I called Kwest to tell him about Tommy," Sadie started and I glanced over at Jude questioningly.

"Kwest was…is your best friend." She explained, cutting Sadie off.

"Oh."

"Anyway, he wanted to come by and see Tom." She said, eyes asking Jude if this was ok. Jude glanced over at me and I shrugged.

"Might as well tell the tale once, right?"

Jude smiled at me and Sadie looked relieved.

"We'll wait for Kwest to get here then," Sadie said, smiling and I sighed and glanced out the bay window, suddenly feeling trapped.

What if I don't measure up? I wondered. What if I can't be the Tommy Jude and these people remember?


	18. Chapter 18

**A.N: **OK, so I know it's been awhile and I'm sorry for that. I'm hoping that, after I update this, I'm going to work like a fiend on Running Back. I had wanted to finish that fic by the start of season 3, but it's not working out as well as I thought. So, here's the deal: I'm going to put this fic on hold a bit – I'll be working on it in my own time, like at school and such – but I really need to get Running Back squared away. The next update for that is going to be LONG I want to get a LOT out of the way in that chapter. For instance, the cliffhanger, and other stuff. Just a warning for my RB fans. :D Anywho, for this fic, I want to say, I really like this chapter and how it's coming a long. I haven't decided how much of the "this is what's been going on" chapter I want to cover. I think I'm going to skip to Jude's pov since we already know what Tommy has been through and such, but I want her idea on what's going on…anyway, just an idea for the next chapter. LOL, um…OH! Warning, this chapter probably contains the longest run-on sentence in the history of run-on sentences. Don't worry, it's suppose to be there, so don't nit-pick my grammar issue there. It needs to be there like that. You'll see what I mean if/when you get to it. OK, I'm done here…I think I said everything…oh! And thanks for the lovely reviews on the last chapter and, as always, enjoy the update!

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**Chapter 17**

Once Kwest arrived, we sat in the living room, the others talking about various people and events I didn't recall. I sighed. I knew that I was supposed to recognize the names and places they were discussing, but nothing came to mind. I might as well have been a total stranger to the three other people in this room.

I glanced around and noticed Kwest was watching me. I met his gaze, but he didn't look away. He continued to stare at me, as if trying to decide what he was going to say. I looked away and down at the carpet. The thought of fleeing and not dealing with this started to sound better by the second.

"Hey, Tom." I looked up as Kwest asked for my attention. He jerked his head towards Jude and Sadie who were now engrossed in conversation. "Why don't we leave the ladies to their gossip." He said, winking.

Suddenly, that idea sounded better than the one I had two seconds ago. I nodded and Kwest smiled at me as we got up and left the room. I followed Kwest as he navigated the foreign house and frustration hit me once again. I knew I should know the floor plan and where we were headed. But I didn't. I couldn't. It didn't matter how hard I wanted to or tried. I couldn't access my long forgotten memories and that hurt more than I can express.

Kwest led us into a dining area and then into a kitchen. He leaned against the island and studied me again.

"OK, man. Spill." Kwest said, rightening himself, his dark eyes daring me to talk. I opened my mouth to say something, but words didn't come out. I sighed and looked away from him. "Look, I know you don't remember me, but I was your best friend. I can tell you're considering running." I looked up at him, surprised he caught up on that, and Kwest continued. "You're more like yourself than you think." He paused, and added "You can trust me."

"For some reason, I know that." I told him. I sighed, heavily and leaned on the island opposite of him. "I just…don't know where to start."

"Just say what comes to mind man." Kwest told me and I sighed.

"I don't think you want to hear what comes to mind." Kwest smiled and for some reason, that gave me the bit of encouragement I needed. "Eight hours ago, I still believed I was someone else. I thought…it doesn't matter what I thought. But I was happy…or at least, I thought I was, and then I find out that I'm this complete other person and no one ever bothered to say anything and now I'm _here _with people I'm suppose to know, in a house I'm suppose to be familiar with, listening to stories about people I use to know, and I can't remember a damn thing. Not even a glimmer of recognition. I just…" I couldn't find the right words and trailed off, letting my head sag in defeat.

"You're frustrated."

"Among other things." I admitted.

"What other things?" Kwest asked. I looked up at him.

"What if I'm not what Jude expects? What if I can't be the man that she remembers?"

"I told you before, you're more like yourself than you realize." I groaned in frustration and said nothing else. "Tom, Jude doesn't care if you don't remember" I snapped my head up, suddenly angry at that half-finished statement.

"Don't you think she will?!" I demanded. I backed away from the island and paced a moment. Kwest watched me, his eyes uncertain, like he didn't know what exactly he should say to that. My thoughts were so jumbled at the moment, I wasn't even sure what I exactly meant. I continued to pace, trying to get a coherent thought together. "Don't you think she'll care when our daughter asks about something I should know? Don't you think she'll care when she gets sick of giving me the back stories? Don't you think she'll care that I can't remember our wedding or how we meant or when we fell in love? You can't tell me that doesn't mean anything to her."

Kwest was silent a moment, and I stopped pacing and leaned back down on the counter. I put my head in my hands, trying hard to keep my emotions in check. I was angry, depressed, frustrated, and confused all at the same time. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from falling apart.

"They do mean something, Tom." He told me, his voice quiet. "But it's not everything." I didn't say anything. Kwest continued. "I know you don't remember the drama that's Jude and Tommy, but man, I do." He said and I looked up, feeling intrigued by his words. "You were in love with her from the moment you saw her. A 15-year-old winner of an amateur singing contest and thrown into the world of fame. It didn't matter you were seven years her senior; you fell for her and fell hard. I don't know when you started dating, but you two dated in secret for a long time, only to be caught by her father just days before her 18th birthday." Kwest paused, as if gauging my reaction. I was hooked, I had to admit. I wanted to know our story, and at the same time, it almost seemed like someone else. "Stuart made you break up with her, and you did. He threatened to press charges and you thought you could hide the reason from Jude until she turned 18. What you didn't know, was Stuart's job was forcing him to go to New York, and Jude went with him once you broke her heart."

"And Jude found out?"

"A couple years later." Kwest confirmed.

"And then?"

"She came back to Toronto, hoping to make things right." He answered.

"But?" Kwest smiled at me.

"But you were in a relationship. You moved on." The notion intrigued me for some reason.

"With who?" I asked.

"A nurse named Michelle. You guys met in a club one night when you were working." I frowned and had a fleeting thought of Jessica. Jessica's a doctor…it could have…I shook my head.

"But we ended up married?"

"Yes you did."

"And how did that happen?" I asked. Kwest smiled.

"The point I was getting at Tom, is this," I groaned. Kwest laughed and I glared at him. "You two have overcome so much over the past. You two are strong enough to get through this."

"Everyone has a breaking point." I stated and Kwest shrugged.

"But is it the same point for both of you?" He asked and I didn't know how to respond to that. Silence stretched between us as Kwest let me contemplate the thought. "Come on, let's get this show on the road. I'm sure we all want to get the stories over with." Kwest told me and I sighed. "At least, I'd like to know what my best friend has been up to the last three years." He winked at me and I knew it was a tactic to make me relax, and I was thankful for that. I gave Kwest a smile of thanks and we got up and headed back to the living room and the moment I was dreading; the answers and the questions.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Wad up Delinquents?! (In memory of Pats) Anyway, I know it's been…awhile since I updated this, but I had really wanted to get RB to the point that it's at now. Now the real dilemma happens, both of my fav fics are at the crucial point of drama! Who knows what'll be updated next; I'm hoping to get back to the I updated this one and now the other gets updated, but we shall see. Who's loving this season of IS?! Yeah, everyone. So excited for March 6 and the soundtrack! Less than 1 week away! Score! Anyway, sorry it's been awhile, I hope you love it. Italics Lyrics to Cold's Black Sunday.

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**Chapter 18**

_I can't breath at all_

Three hours of trading what has happened in the last three years. Three hours of crying, remembering, pain, and torture.

_It hurts to think_

We were all silent now, trying to figure out what next? Where do we go from here?

_That time could heal my wounds_

The more Tommy told me about Jessica – how much he loved her – made me sick. That woman is crazy. She didn't deserve his love and admiration.

_Feeling I've been betrayed_

"What's next?" Sadie asked softly, her eyes full of worry, concern, sadness, and apology.

_Black Sunday_

I shrugged. I hated this. I hated what Jessica did to my husband. I can deal with the memory loss. I can't deal with him in love with someone else.

_Still burns you in my thoughts_

"Well, Tom said he wanted to try and get his life back." Kwest said and gave Tommy a look that asked if it was still true.

I watched Tommy as he sighed and nodded tiredly. This night has been emotionally exhausting, but I don't think any of us would be able to go to bed now.

_I can't sleep at all_

"Makes sense to start with the beginning." Kwest stated with a shrug.

"With the accident?" I asked, wondering how that would help.

"No. With the hospital." Kwest said, matter of factly.

I glanced over at Tommy who was looking contemplative. He always hated doctors and hospitals and what not. I think it's because they take away your independence. But now, his eyes showed no sign of objection.

_Now you're gone away_

"It wouldn't hurt to get tests done." Sadie stated, looking thoughtful. "They might know what exactly triggered the memory loss."

Tommy nodded his agreement and turned to look at me, as if asking for my approval. I felt tears sting my eyes. He was always so confident before…

"Jude?"

"Excuse me." I said hurriedly and ran from the room, holding back a sob.

_I can't fake this anymore_

The house suddenly felt small and claustrophobic. I sniffed and took a deep breathe before going outside on the front porch.

I closed my eyes, tears willing up. I knew I shouldn't be like this. I was happy Tom was alive and back in my life. But this… I took a shuddering breathe and looked up at the stars shining against the black sky.

_Guess I could blame it all, on God's game_

I heard the door open and close softly behind e. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was.

"Jude, I…" Tommy started to say and paused. I turned around to face him, a sigh escaping my lips. "I'm sorry." He said, looking down at his shoes.

_Or explain what my life's for_

"it's not your fault." I told him, meaning every word. "It's just…" I threw up my hands. "Jessica"

"Jude-"

"She lied, Tommy." He sighed this time.

"There must have been a"

I gave him an incredulous look that stopped him mid sentence. I had to look away from him. He actually…

"Like a good reason makes it ok." I snapped, bitterly.

"I didn't say that it was right!" He argued, his voice raising several octaves.

_Caught in a Winter's Rain_

He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do." He told me honestly. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to cry. "I'm confused." He continued, stepping closer to me. "Part of me wants to spin you around and kiss you senseless." His hand settled on my arm, sliding down slowly and carefully to my hand, which he turned over and intertwined our fingers.

"And the rest of you?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly from our closeness.

"Is confused." He admitted. "You're practically a stranger to me, but you're also my wife."

_I can't remember a word you said_

"I don't want to be a burden to you. Just say the word and I'll leave."

My eyes snapped open and I spun around.

"NO!"

_Take away my fear_

He gave me a soft smile and nodded. "Ok."

I felt tears sting my eyes again. "I can't lose you again. It'd hurt too much."

_Please hold onto me_

"I'm not going anywhere." He told me, giving me a warm smile. "Unless you want me to."

"God, no." I said with everything I had. I wanted to throw my arms around him and cry, but I didn't want to scare him away either. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves.

_I'm falling_

Tommy reached out slowly tentatively and laid his palm on my cheek, his thumb slowly, caressing my flesh. I closed my eyes at the feeling. Months ago, I never thought we'd be here, him and me, again. I had given up and to have him here again…I felt a tear escape my eyes.

"Don't cry Jude." He told me softly. I sniffed and opened my eyes, looking into his deep blue eyes.

"Aren't I suppose to be taking care of you?"

"You've been strong for months," He told me, squeezing my hand. Weird that I wasn't aware of it until then. "It's amazing you hadn't broken yet."

"Are you sure you don't remember being my husband?" I asked, slightly jokingly and partly serious. He gave me a sad smile.

We stood like this for a long moment, just staring into each others eyes. I wondered if he was going to kiss me; it always seemed like he wanted to. Screw it, I thought, placing my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself as I went up on the toes of my feet and kissed him.

_Falling…_

The kiss was supposed to be quick, but once my lips connected with his, it felt like home. His hands moved and pulled me closer to him as mine snaked around his neck, my fingers tangling into his soft, silky hair. My body felt alive again for the first time since the accident. I felt a moan rise deep in my throat, and my lungs began to burn from lack of oxygen. I didn't care. I could stay like this forever.

Tommy pulled back and I whimpered involuntarily. He gave me a small smile and rest his forehead against mine.

"As much as I'd love to continue this…"

"You don't"

"Jude, let me finish." He old me, taking my hands in his and caressing the backs of my hands. "As much as I think we both want to let this get out of hand," he took a deep breath, "I'm afraid I'll just disappoint you."

"Tommy-"

_I will trade it all_

"No, Jude. Time's not right yet." He told me and I sighed. I took my hands away from his and moved away from him. Tommy stopped me before I could get back to the door by grabbing my arm, gently. I stopped and closed my eyes. He moved behind me and ran his hands down my arms. I shivered, and it wasn't from the cold.

_For another day_

"You'll want the memory of who I was and I can't promise that." He finished. I nodded my understanding and took deep breath to calm myself.

"We should probably get back," I stated, "Sadie and kwest probably want to get home."

"Yeah."

_Just to feel you and your warmth_

We went back inside and headed towards the kitchen. On the way, my eyes landed on our wedding picture, just before we traded rings. It was a beautiful shot of us with the minister between us, the alter and stained glass windows behind us.

_But even pictures fade_

I turned away from it, wishing that we'll get back to that kind of happy.

_Black Sunday_

"Jude?"

"Coming!" I called, taking another glance at the picture before going back to the others.

_Still burns you in my thoughts. _


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**: I severly need this for this chapter. Amytal is a real drug with real side effects. It is not experimental and all the medical information came from vast amounts of google searches once my psych book pointed me in the right direction. I read the "medical for dummies" stuff and added terminology to make my doctor sound smart. I hope it's all understandable, and please if you don't understand something, let me know. I'll do my best to answer questions. And, as always, enjoy the chapter, review or die (not really, but ya know), and It's been awhile but it's cuz school sucks and my friends have been kidnapping me lately. ENJOY! OH! Running Back fans, I will have that updated sometime this weekend as well. Maybe earlier…it depends how busy I get.

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**Chapter 19**

After several hours of being poked, prodded, scanned – by both people and machines – told my story seven times, and named the Prime Ministers of Canada, I am finally in a consultation room, waiting on the neurologist to come see me to go over test results or whatever else it is they're going to discuss with me. Jude was pacing the room, apparently anxious for the results. I watched her a moment and dropped my gaze to the floor. I was more nervous than anything. What would happen if I'd never remember?

"How can you be so calm?" Jude asked, wringing her hands as she passed by me for the millionth time. If she wasn't careful, she'd probably burn a hole in the carpet.

"I'm not." I told her, looking up. "Inside, I'm freaking out." I told her. The reason I was so placid? I was bone-tired from the endless hours of tests. I wanted to sleep. My brain, on the other hand, was wired and processing thoughts one million times per second. Jude stopped her pacing and took my hand.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, her voice and eyes full of concern.

"Tired," I told her. She gave me a small smile and touched my cheek. She looked about ready to say something when the door opened.

We both looked towards the door to see a middle aged man step into the room. He wore a blue polo shirt, black pants, and the tell-tale white lab coat. His hair a dark brown and eyes a kind blue. He glanced back down at the manila folder in his hands, the file containing all the information from my age, test results, to the number of parking tickets I've received.

"Hello, Mr. Quincy," The neurologist greeted, setting the file open on the counter across from me. He stepped over to us and shook my hand and then turned to Jude and shook hers. "I'm Dr. Bob Franchi," He introduced. "And you must be Mrs. Quincy?" Jude nodded and Dr. Franchi sat down across from us and sighed. "I have good news and not so good news," He told us, looking grim. Jude glanced over at me and I gave her a reassuring smile. "First, I want to tell you a bit about your condition, if that's alright." Jude and I nodded and he smiled. "Good. Now, Mr. Quincy-"

"Tom." I told him, not liking the formality.

"Tom, you have what we call, Retrograde Amnesia. It's a condition where memory is lost prior to the accident. Total retrograde is extremely rare. Most often, there's select memories lost and only for a period of time."

"So you're saying…what, exactly?" Jude asked.

"Your husband's condition is extremely rare. I'm surprised he hasn't regained his memories so far." Dr. Franchi told us honestly. "But that's just the icing to your husband's condition." Jude gripped my hand hard.

"Is this permanent?" Jude asked.

"I'm working towards that, Mrs. Quincy."

"Jude."

"Jude." He reached into my file and pulled out the MRI scans and hung them up by the light. "It is believed that long term memory is stored in the cortex of the brain." Dr Franchi told us. "The cortex are those grooves and valleys on the surface of the brain." He glanced at us to see if we were following. "Here is where it gets tricky." He told us and took a deep breath. "Psychologists and Neurologists do not exactly know what is stored where and how. The brain is a very complicated organ and it is hard to exactly pinpoint what is stored where. It is believed that damage to this area-" He pointed it out by circling the area with a pointer "The hippocampus can cause the loss of biological information. In testing, damage done to that area of the brain results in lose of personal information and the subjects still retained the abilities to learn new tasks, remember old tasks and everyday things." He paused. "Make sense?"

"So, you're saying I'm brain damaged?" I asked, feeling confused. Dr. Franchi nodded.

"So this isn't…"

"You see these dark areas on the surface of the brain?" Jude and I nodded. "These areas indicate no brain activity. From what I gather, the tissue here is deeply scarred, hampering your ability to remember things such as your personal past." "

So there's nothing we can do?" Jude asked, looking devastated.

"I didn't say that. There are options. In the research studies so far, it has been shown that the memories regain themselves. It's almost as if the brain moves the information somewhere else and it takes it time to retrain itself in where to retrieve that information from."

"So, I'll remember?"

"I don't know for sure." He stated honestly. "The longer the time passes between the damage and the memory lapses, the less likely it is that you will ever remember." I looked at Jude to see how she was processing the information. She looked about ready to cry at the news.

"How did he get brain damaged?" Jude asked him. Dr. Franchi sighed.

"I cannot give you full knowledge without the medical records from the accident."

"Off the record." Jude stated.

"From what I've learned from Tom's testimony, I believe it was doctor error."

"How do you mean?" I asked, sitting straighter.

"These scars on the surface of the cortex are too clean. Most of them." He stated, showing us the patterns. "It almost seems as if an amateur surgeon worked on relieving cranial pressure. I believe – it is possible – that the memory loss was not a direct cause of the accident itself. At least, not the permanency of it."

"Is there anything we can do?" I asked, feeling numb to the situation.

"There are options." Dr. Franchi told us.

"There's the option of additional surgery. It's extremely risky, but it's possible once the scar tissue is removed, and recovery is successful, the memories will return."

"That sounds dangerous."

"It is. I would not recommend it, but it is a treatment option."

"What else?" I asked.

"There's hypnosis. There's issues with the topic itself, if the memories regained are real or not or just suggestion." Dr. Franchi continued. "Other forms of Psychotherapy are also options."

"I don't like the idea of a therapist." I stated, not at all liking the thought of talking to some shrink about my life. No thanks.

"Well, there is another option." Dr Franchi said, looking thoughtful. Jude perked up and I listened closely. "There's an experimental drug called Amytal. It's a series of injections and its trials have shown that it is successful in helping the brain reprogram memories lost to amnesia cases similar to yours."

"The downside?"

"It's not yet approved by Health Canada." (A/N: I looked it up, the Canadian version of the FDA)

"How not approved?" Jude asked.

"No major side effects, it's just still in trial." Dr Franchi stated. "The most severe, and rare, side effects have been hallucination, allergy, hives, wheezing, anemia, and rickets."

"So, it's relatively safe?" I asked and Dr. Franchi nodded.

"I'd have to petition to get you into the trials, if you wanted, but I don't see why they'd turn your case down."

"That seems like the best option." I stated, looking at Jude who looked worried. She sighed.

"I'll let you think it over." He told us, and gave us his card. "You can call me with your decision."

"Thanks." Jude said, looking relieved. I sighed. I already knew I wanted to do this. I needed to do this.

"Any other questions?" He asked us and I shook my head and looked at Jude. She didn't seem to have anything else either. "If you think of anything else as well, call that number as well. I'll be happy to go over anything with you again or answer further questions."

"Thank you, Dr. Franchi." Jude said and he gave us a kind smile. "You're welcome. Now, there's something else I need to discuss." Jude frowned and I took a deep breath, preparing myself for bad news. "Tom is legally dead. I'm going to have to go through the proper channels to declare him alive."

"The press." Jude said, her voice coming out in a heavy sigh. I was still confused. What about the press? "they'll be all over it." Oh.

"I can wait a day or two before making the announcement, so you can prepare yourselves, but I cannot hold out longer than that."

"It'd be appreciated if you could hold it for at least 24 hours. I'd like to notify all our friends first." Dr. Franchi nodded and made a note on Tom's chart.

"How about tomorrow, 6 pm I'll put through the paperwork. That work?" He asked and we nodded in agreement. He gave us a kind smile. "And no other questions came to mind?"

"No." Jude said, looking over at me and I shrugged. Nothing that I didn't already have anyway. "Thank you Doctor." Jude said and he shook her hand. He turned to me and we also shook hands and he left the room.

"You ready to go?" Jude asked me and I nodded.

We left the office and headed towards the exit of the hospital. We made it to the car and I collapsed into the passenger seat, wanting nothing more than to sleep.

"You ok?" Jude asked and I nodded.

"Just tired." I told her honestly and she nodded before starting the car.

"Want me to drop you off before getting Bri from Sades?"

"No, I'll be fine." I told her and she backed out of the parking spot as I closed my eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: FINALLY! I finished it! OMG, I must say, I'm so incredibly sorry this has taken…over a month (?) to get posted, but as you know from Running Back, life is insanity! This chapter needed a lot of my time. This chapter…I'm proud of. I think it expresses the connection and Briana…gah! I love it! I'm glad I ended it around here because this is the best way to restart this fic. I've reworked the ending of the plot – I had a relatively non-dramatic conclusion – and I'm excited to get this rolling again! I hope you like this chapter and, as always, reviews/comments are always appreciated. Please let me know what you think of Briana's character. I had a hard time writing her and I wonder if she sounds too mature or immature for a 5 year old. It's one of those 'gray' ages I think. I think I got her ok…but let me know. Criticism is always appreciated. Um….anything else I want to ramble about…OH! Instant Star…grrrrr! That is all I will say. Jommy will prevail! And if it doesn't…well, that's why I'm writing Someone in Control. …. OK, that's it. I'm done rambling because those of you who read these ramblings for whatever weird reason and feel compelled to "listen" to my weirdo probably makes no sense talk cuz it's after midnight and I'm too freaking excited about getting this posted and let you read the fic cuz that's really why you're here and I think this is probably the longest runon sentence in the history of author notes and what the hell, let's make it longer by saying NOW GO READ THE CHAPTER AND ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

_Thanks to funkymunk on how to "fix" fanfiction to get a new chapter up!!!!!!_

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**Chapter 20**

We made it home with no real big incident. Briana chatted merrily away about school as if no time had passed. When we picked her up, she immediately hugged my legs and told me I wasn't allowed to leave again. The small act rendered me speechless and then she let go of me and started boasting about Aunt Sadie letting her watch Cinderella all day long, causing Jude to laugh and me to smile. 

We got home and Jude had Bri but her Cinderella backpack in her room. Jude looked at me expectantly as if asking what I thought of our daughter. 

"She reminds me of you." I told her and Jude laughed. "What?"

"I always thought she took after you."

I smiled and looked down at the floor a moment and back up at her. "She's a good kid."

Before Jude could say much more, Briana came running down the stairs. 

"Bri! No running in the house!" Jude yelled but the girl continued to do it anyways. I couldn't help but chuckle and Bri stopped just before me. Her little hand reached up and took a handful of my pants and tugged gently at it, trying to get my full attention. I glanced at Jude and then down at my daughter, not sure how to handle the situation.

"Daddy?" Her little voice said, looking up at me with her big sapphire eyes and I felt my heart melt. This little girl was going to have me wrapped around her little finger within the next 24 hours, I knew it.

"Yeah Bri?" I asked, kneeling down to her level. I noticed she had a large piece of paper clutched to her chest and she swayed a bit. "What's that?" I asked, pointing at her paper.

She smiled at me and held it out to me. I took the paper and looked down at it and felt a smile come to my face. It was a picture she drew, pretty good for a five-year-old honestly, with what looked to be like people suppose to be me, Jude, and Bri. 

"Mommy said your brain is sick and it can't mem…rem…mememberer." She stated, amazingly good for a girl her age. "I drew it for you Daddy," She finished and came closer to me to stand with her back against me as she pointed things out on the drawing. "See, this is me, and you, and mommy, and our house." I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. I was stunned, touched, and so unbelievably proud of my little girl.

"Thanks Bri." I managed to say. I reached up and ruffled her hair and she beamed proudly at me. I glanced over at Jude to see her watching us with a loving look in her eyes. I looked away from Jude and back at Bri. "Did you draw this at school?" I asked her and she nodded vigorously, turning around to face me. 

"Miss M says I'm the best drawer in my class!" She said proudly. I felt my smile grow larger. 

"I bet you are."

"Maggie says she's the bestest but Miss M says I draw very good and bootifully!" Briana bragged.

I saw Jude move out of the corner of my eyes and I craned my gaze up at her to see her standing just behind me. 

"I don't know about you, but I think this picture is Refrigerator worthy." Jude stated in a joking tone. She winked at me and I heard Bri gasp. Her eyes went wide and she started to bounce excitedly. 

"Hmmm," I said, looking down at the picture. Briana kept staring at me, waiting for the verdict. "Yeah, I think it's good enough." Briana practically burst and squealed excitedly. I handed the picture up to Jude, trying very hard not to laugh. Jude took it from me and left the room, Briana rushing after her and I was able to let out my laugh. 

I stood up from my crouch and followed her into the kitchen. I saw Bri beaming at her picture hung up on the fridge by magnets in all four corners. She admired it a moment and then ran off to do…whatever it was she did. Jude looked over at me as I finished entering the room. 

"What?" I asked and she shook her head. 

"It's just," She looked down and took a breath and looked back up at me. "You're so good with her."

"I was just…going with the flow." I offered and she gave me a small smile.

"I think you're more like yourself than you realize." She stated, her voice heavy with emotion. 

"Do you know how weird that sounds?" I asked her with a smile to let her know I was trying to make light of the situation. She laughed a bit.

"You're right. It does seem weird." 

"Thanks, though." I told her with a heavy sigh. "It's good to know I'm doing something right." 

Jude's gaze turned sympathetic and she reached out and laid a comforting hand on my arm. I glanced down at it and then back up at her. Our gazes locked and I found myself unable to look away from her eyes. They were soft with emotion, and slightly teary. Her gaze reminded me of a clear summer day and it was hypnotic. Just staring into her eyes I felt … a connection that I could never try to explain but it was strong and I was captivated by her. I could have stayed like this for an eternity and never cared. 

"Mommy!" I heard Bri yell and we both startled back into reality. I didn't know when, but we had moved closer together during our moment and were now standing almost toe-to-toe. Jude stepped back a couple of steps and looked over at Briana. 

"Yeah Bri?"

"I'm hungry." Bri stated, her voice pouty. I glanced down at the floor, as if it held the answers to what had just happened. I heard Jude promise to start dinner and I looked up as she began to busy herself in the kitchen. Just watching her seemed so right. 

"Want help?" I managed to say and Jude glanced over at me a moment and continued her tasks.

"Sure." She said and I moved over to her and she began to assign small tasks for me and providing clear details where needed, and like that we were making dinner like a real husband and wife.

After dinner was done, Jude, Bri, and I sat down and finished off the evening with Cartoons of Bri's choice. Around 8, Jude and I put Bri to bed and Bri asked Jude to sing her a song instead of a story. Jude obliged and sang a soft song until Bri was asleep. As she sang, I found myself enthralled by Jude's soft, angelic voice. I didn't even listen to the lyrics that closely she was singing, just her soft, comforting tone. It quickly lulled Bri to sleep but she kept singing anyway until her heart was content. While she sang, her eyes shown and a soft smile played at her lips and I knew she was a natural at this. 

Once Jude was finished, we slipped out of Bri's room and went back downstairs. Jude changed the channel to some entertainment celebrity gossip type show and I collapsed on the couch next to her. Between Bri and the hospital, I was exhausted. 

"You look tired." Jude stated and I glanced over at her. 

"You guys wore me out." Jude laughed. 

"And to think, this is just day one." She said lightly, but I could see the worry in her eyes that I would take off and leave her again. 

"Jude I'm"

I was cut off by the announcer's voice, but Jude and I straightening and listening intently. 

"Jude Quincy was seen earlier today with a man who looked eerily like her dead husband, Thomas Quincy,"

Jude and I glanced at each other and then back at the tv. 

"Most of you probably remember the accident that took Tommy Quincy's life, leaving behind his wife and two year old Daughter, Briana Quincy." As the woman talked, they played old footage of the aftermath of the crash. I felt Jude tense up next to me and I couldn't bring myself to try and comfort her. I was oddly fascinated with the footage and couldn't bring myself to look away. 

"Sources say Jude Quincy was seen leaving Toronto General Hospital earlier today with a Tommy-look-alike. Jude and her representatives have been unable to comment. Stay tuned for further information, but it seems as if Little Tommy Q, husband, father, producer, and multi-platinum artist, is back from the grave."

The atmosphere in the room could not have been thicker. Tension hung in the air and silence seemed to stretch on forever. I couldn't think after seeing this. Jude warned me that the media would pick up with this and run away with my story, but it didn't really hit me until now. I felt…overwhelmed. 

"That was…fast." I managed to say, breaking the awkward silence that had fell over us. Jude nodded but didn't say anything. "You ok?" I asked, feeling concerned. 

"What? Yeah, I'm…fine." She said, taking her eyes off the screen and looking at me. 

"You don't seem fine." I pointed out.

"I wasn't expecting this so soon." She said honestly. "I was hoping for a couple days to let this all sink in." 

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She said with a sigh. "When you're in our business, there's nothing you can keep private for long."

"Not even when you're dead." I said, meaning for it to be a joke but after seeing Jude's eyes fill with tears, I instantly regretted the comment. "Jude, I didn't"

"I know." She said, sniffing and looking down at the floor. I watched her, not sure what to do. I wanted to make her feel ok and smile again. Her crying seemed to make something deep inside of me ache and I didn't like the feeling at all. I reached out and lay a hand flat on her back and rubbed calming circles across her back, hoping the gesture gave her some comfort. 

We stayed like that a long moment before I stopped, letting my hand stay flat on her back.

"Jude?" 

She didn't say anything but I heard her shaky breaths and low sniffles. She was still crying. 

I shifted closer to her and she looked up at me, her blue eyes filled with tears and cheeks tear stained. Seeing her pained expression was like a knife through my heart and I wanted to do something…anything, just to see her smile again. See her eyes light up and that glow come back to her face. 

Without saying I word I reached out and pulled her into a hug, her body feeling small and frail in my arms. She fit perfectly against me and her arms circled around me and held me tight to her, her hands closing into fists and gripping the material of my shirt. Her face buried into my shoulder and I felt her body shake as she sobbed. I stroked her back and hair, wanting to make her feel better. 

"Don't cry Girl," I found myself saying. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." 

I felt Jude stiffen and she looked up at me suddenly, her eyes searching mine. I mentally started to panic, wondering if I did something wrong. If I crossed a line too soon or…

"You called me 'Girl'." She said, her voice incredulous. I frowned and thought about it. I did call her girl. I don't know why, it just…came out. 

"Is that bad?" I asked, and she looked a bit disappointed before shaking her head no. 

"You used to call me that." She whispered, sniffling. "Do you remember?" She asked, looking into my eyes, searching for something, some recognition that I remembered. 

"I…it just…came out." I said, unable to look into her hopeful expression. I couldn't stand to see the look of disappointment fill her eyes. I felt like I was disappointing her by not remembering the nickname.

Jude reached up with her right hand and caressed my cheek and I raised my gaze back up to see her small smile. 

"It's ok." She said softly, almost like she knew what was going on in my head. 

"Are you ok?" I asked her, changing the subject.

"I was just…"

"Overwhelmed?" I offered and she smiled.

"Yeah." She breathed out. "I wasn't expecting everything and"

"I'm sorry I made you cry." I told her honestly and she gave me a sad smile. 

"It wasn't your fault."

"In a way, it kind of is." I told her and I saw anger flash in her eyes.

"Don't do that!" She scolded, and I felt my eyes widen. "Don't go blaming yourself for things you can't control. It's not your fault you can't remember. If it was anyone's fault, it's Jessica's for messing with your brain two years ago!" 

I winced at the volume and anger in her voice. I knew that she was right. Logically, I couldn't help it. I couldn't remember the car accident so I didn't know if there was something I could have done to prevent that. I didn't know. I probably would never know, but something about it I couldn't shake - a feeling of guilt.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **So glad FF.N's alerts are working again! As an author and a reader, that's highly annoying. Anyway, This is a really sucky way to come back from a long hiatus, but you gatta do whatcha gatta do. Unfortunately, this chapter isn't wrote to the fullest extent it could be. I'm not very confident in it, but my heart wasn't really in this chapter. I kinda got other things formulating in my mind and a lot of school stuff but I really needed to get this done to get to more…thought out developments. I have a rough sketch to my running back update that I hope to review and tweak a bit before I post it. It won't be tomorrow or possibly Sunday cuz I got too much shit due in class on Monday and I probably shouldn't have "wasted" the time on this. Anyway, I'm sorry for the suck-tastic-ness of this chapter, and I hope you guys find at least pieces enjoyable. I'll work a bit harder on smoothing out the next one, but it's either a rough rough copy or nothing for another week or two. I thought you'd guys rather have a rough than nothing. Anyway, comments, as always, are greatly appreciated and now, onto the chapter!

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**Chapter 21**

Jude and I got Bri ready for school and dropped her off on our way to the studio. Jude told me it would be in our best interests to enlist Darius's help to control media response when we released that I was alive…officially. I think she also believed it'd be good for me to get out and see people I use to know, but she didn't actually say that. It was more…implied. Maybe it would.

"Do you still sing?" I asked Jude as she navigated her way to G Major. She glanced over at me and then back at the road.

"No." She stated, her voice sounding sad; almost…regretful and full of longing.

"Oh."

"It just…wasn't the same without you in the booth." She said with a shrug. "I started producing instead."

I nodded and we drove the rest of the way in silence. Jude parked in the back and 'snuck' me in through an alley. I don't know why she was going with the cloak and dagger routine, but I trusted her and followed her instructions.

Even through the back entrance, the studio was buzzing. People were rushing here and there and several people were moving instruments about. Jude walked briskly through the halls, weaving her way through people. I tried to follow her, but I found myself losing sight of her as I got distracted by something I hadn't seen before and tried to get some sense of the place. The hall had Platinum Record Plagues lining the walls and I didn't have a chance to stop and see which artists or albums they were for. I could hear a distant, constant ringing of phones and a low roar of voices. The place was overwhelming to the senses but I felt strangely at peace at the same time.

"Hey man."

I turned and saw Kwest standing just behind me in a door jam. Where the door led? I have no clue and I didn't really think I'd get an answer I could understand even if I asked.

"Hey," I said, turning around to see Jude had disappeared. I sighed and looked back at Kwest.

"You ok Man?" Kwest asked me, his voice touched with a hint of concern.

"I guess." I answered with a shrug. Honestly, I was overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than to get out of here, yet at the same time, I felt a sense of peace I hadn't felt since this whole mess started. A feeling like this is where I belonged.

Kwest looked like he was about to say something when a teenage girl, probably an intern, stopped right next to us. She startled me and I had no idea where she came from.

"Kwest, you've got an artist in Studio C waiting for you."

"One sec." He told the girl and looked back at me. The girl looked over at me and I saw recognition come to her eyes.

"Hey, aren't you"

"Kwest, it's fine. You got work." I told him, ignoring the girl next to us who was staring at me like…well, like I was back from the dead.

"Hey, it can wait fo"

"I'm fine." I stressed and Kwest sighed.

"I'll see you later, Man." Kwest said, walking off and taking the girl with him but it didn't stop her from glancing over her shoulder at me.

I sighed and looked around, the hall suddenly clearing out and I tried to figure out where I was and where Jude had rushed off to. With nothing coming to mine, I just headed off down the hall, hoping I'd end up where Jude was. I walked about 30 feet and stopped just before an open studio. I don't know why I stopped, but something seemed familiar about it.

I stood in the doorway and looked in at the sound boards and was overcome with a feeling I couldn't explain. Something seemed to call to me from the room. Like a siren's voice to a lost sailor. I went inside the room, moving slowly almost like I was in a trance, and just stared at the boards. I stopped right before them and ran my hand on the cool metal edge, instantly knowing what every knob, switch, button, and gauge meant and what it did.

I looked up from the boards and at the glass wall that separated this room from the empty recording booth and felt an overwhelming sense of Déjà vu.

"There you are!" I heard Jude's voice. I jumped and spun around, startled by the sudden noise. I watched as Jude entered the room and came to stand next to me. Following Jude was a large bald, older black man, probably in his mid-60s. Darius, I assumed. He had the look of a pit bull but his eyes were warm and welcoming. I definitely did not want to find myself at the receiving end of his anger, and something told me that I had been many of times in the past. Darius's eyes met mine and his face broke out into a grin.

"I'll be damned." He said, reaching out to shake my hand. I accepted and was careful not to let my grip be weak; Darius did not seem to be the person one would want to reveal weakness to. "You never did know when to stay down, eh T." He joked and I found myself smiling.

"Apparently, not."

"I'm glad, Tom." Darius told me.

"Tommy, this is"

"Darius."

Jude raised an eyebrow at me in questioning. I knew she was hoping I answered for her because I remembered; her eyes were filled with hope.

"I lost my memory, Jude. I'm not stupid." I stated, a bit harsher than I meant. Jude's eyes flashed with hurt and I instantly regretted the comment.

"As I was telling Jude, phones have been ringing off the hook since last night."

I looked back over at the man before me and judging from the gleam in his eyes, I knew he was a business man before anything else. I didn't know what to make of that comment, but something told me he'd be using the PR to his advantage in some way only known to him.

"Yeah…I noticed." I managed and Jude slipped her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. I looked over at her, thankful for her gesture. "Um….sorry if I'm not suppose to be in here, I got a bit lost and"

"I've always considered this stupid yours, T." Darius told me, waving a hand in dismissal. "Well, Jude's too."

I looked over at Jude and she just smiled at me. I guess that meant it was a good comment?

"So, back to business." Darius said, rubbing his hands together, eagerly. "I've set up a conference at 10 am tomorrow morning."

"That was quick." Jude said, looking sharply over at Darius.

"I set it up last night." He explained and Jude kept staring at him and I looked at Jude, confused. "Had to say something to calm things down; better to have something set up. I could have had everyone here last night or this morning, but I knew you wouldn't like that." Darius stated and Jude's gaze stayed hard. I could tell she didn't like how Darius just started making arrangements on his own, but was also appreciative he kept her feelings in mind at the same time. "I've already got PR people working on your statements"

"D, we don't need a script." Jude snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. I stayed quiet, just looking back and forth between Jude and Darius. "We're more than capable to tell the press without help. We're big kids now." She stated and Darius sighed.

"Look, Jude" Darius stopped when he saw the look in her eyes. Darius looked over at me and pointed at Jude.

"I don't know how you live with her, T. Jude's more stubborn than a mule."

I shrugged. I honestly couldn't tell him anything, but I had to agree. She is pretty stubborn.

"I take that as a compliment." Jude said, smiling triumphantly.

"Fine; You'll talk with the PR people, they'll help revise your statements and help you prepare for the press's questions. Fair?"

Jude glanced over at me, as if asking if I was ok with it. I shrugged in a 'it's up to you' way. Jude looked back at Darius.

"Sounds good." She said and Darius smiled.

"I'll leave you two to it then. Be sure to talk to consult Portia before you leave too."

"Darius, it's a conference. We don't need a make over." Jude said, sounding annoyed.

"She'll have my head if you showed up in jeans and a band shirt tomorrow. Humor me." Darius stated before leaving the studio and Jude and me alone.

"That was…"

"Interesting?" I offered.

"That works." She stated with a sigh and turned around to face me. "Sorry about all this." She said, her eyes sympathetic. "I know you didn't sign up for all this."

"At one time, I did." I stated with a shrug. "I might not remember it, but it was my life and if that's what it takes to get it back, than I'm willing to do it."

Jude smiled at me and stepped closer to me before throwing her arms around me in a hug. I stiffened at first, surprised by her action. We hadn't done anything remotely intimate since we met and as surprising as it was…I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer, her body molding perfectly to mine. This felt…right. More right than anything else has so far. Jude in my arms, in the studio…this is where we were suppose to be.

Jude pulled back out of the embrace and I had to squish the disappointment. She stared at the floor, not meeting my eyes.

"Jude?"

"Yeah?" She asked, looking back up at me and I could see a hint of sadness in her blue eyes.

"I"

"Oh, sorry."

We both started and turned to see someone stepping into the door way.

"I just needed to get something out of the cabinets."

"It's fine, Crystal." Jude said and Crystal looked apologetically at us before crossing the room. Jude sighed and turned to face me again.

"We should get going anyway." She said, a sad smile on her face.

"Yeah…"

Jude led the way out of the studio and to the PR office in silence. We spent a hour going over our story for the press and coming up with answers to "difficult" questions before leaving with more than enough time to go home and relax a bit before needing to get Bri from school.

We pulled into the driveway and there was another car in the driveway, a Mustang. I looked at Jude as her face paled a bit before shutting off the engine of her own car.

"Are you ok?" I asked Jude, feeling concerned. Jude nodded and got out of the car as an older man stepped out of his. I cautiously got out of the car, examining the other man. He was tall, a couple inches taller than me and dressed in a charcoal gray suit. His hair receding and salt and pepper colored. His eyes lit up at one look at Jude, pride and love coming over his features.

"Dad?" Jude said, her voice sounding shocked, happy, and strained all at the same time.

"Hey Sweetie." The man greeted as Jude threw her arms around him.

I felt my breath leave my body and I was overcome with uneasiness. _The Father-in-Law_.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: **I hate it when I impulsively decide to change my plot line. Now I'm scrambling to add in the Stuart thing and keep on track with my outline. Next time I try to throw something new in, I'm not gonna do it and make my life that much easier. I still don't know how I feel about this chapter, but it works for what I want to happen and how I want this to progress. I hope you guys like it and hopefully it won't be too long for my next update! I swear Jommyness will be in this fic, it's just...not for a couple more chapters. But on a pos note, at least they're sort of united now?

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**Chapter 22**

I watched awkwardly as Jude pulled away from her father.

"What are you doing here?!" Surprise and shock in her voice as she asked.

"Yvette and I saw the story on the news about Tom. I wanted to see if my son-in-law was alive and see my baby girl and her beautiful daughter."

The man's gaze met mine and I waved a hello, not quiet sure what was acceptable. "Hello Mr. Harrison."

"Stuart, Tom." Stuart Harrison corrected, walking past his daughter to stare critically at me. I had to try hard to keep myself from squirming under his hard stare.

"Dad, it wasn't his fault." Jude interjected, coming over to stand next to us.

"Oh, I'm sure Tom Quincy has a good reason leaving his wife and daughter for three years and I can't wait to hear what it is." Stuart said, giving me a pointed look before smiling at his daughter.

"Mr" I stopped and corrected myself at Stuart's sharp look. "I-"

"Why don't we go inside and discuss this?" Jude offered, grabbing my arm and leading me past her father and towards the house.

"I'm so sorry!" She whispered as we headed towards the front door.

"I can handle it." I whispered back, adding silently I hope.

Jude put her key in the door and quickly opened it. She went inside, and I followed her, Stuart close on my heels. I could feel his glare burning through me and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I learned from Jude and Kwest that bad blood existed between the older man and myself but I didn't know specifics. Only he had forced me to break up with Jude because he didn't want his sixteen year old daughter dating her 23-year-old producer with a bad reputation for breaking hearts. Something told me more than that tension existed, but I had no idea what it was, and the other man obviously did not care much for me.

This was going to get interesting.

We settled in the living room, Jude and I next to each other on the couch and Stuart sat across from us in an overstuffed armchair, watching us like a cat eyed a mouse. We gave Stuart the cliffnotes version of the story and he listened critically while we told it.

"So, you're saying you have total memory loss."

"Yes sir."

"I'm still not clear on how you two ended up"

"Tommy saved Briana from getting hit by a car. I thought I was seeing something that wasn't there and we met for lunch as a thank you and it eventually fell into place."

Stuart didn't look too convinced that this was the truth, but he let the matter drop. Probably more for his daughter than for me or him.

"So, what do you do now?"

"The hospital is helping us to declare Tommy as being alive. Tomorrow we have a press conference and from there, we'll see what happens." Jude answered with a sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't call you before all this." She told her father, looking sincere. "we were busy trying to figure things out."

"It's ok Jude." Stuart said, "I understand." He told her and Jude seemed to relax. "So, what did the hospital tell you?"

"That the memory loss is due to scarring on my brain, possibly from an inexperienced surgeon. They do not believe I'll ever remember on my own." I answered.

"Hm," Was all Stuart said in response.

"OH, Dad! Did you want anything?" Jude asked, "I forgot to ask before!"

"A glass of water would be nice." Stuart said and gave me a pointed look. I resisted the urge to "help" Jude, knowing exactly what that look was for. Jude got up and went to the kitchen. Once she was out of the room, Stuart leaned forward.

"Stuart, I know that"

"Tom, if I find out your story is a load of bullshit and you left my daughter with your two-year-old child for three years, I will have no problem killing you." That was subtle.

"I have no intentions to hurt your daughter."

Stuart laughed and I wanted to slam my fist in his face.

"I've heard that one from you before."

"Look, Stuart, I'm at an unfair disadvantage; the only things I know about anyone or anything is what they tell me."

"How convenient." He stated, looking me straight in the eyes. I felt my jaw clench and I was trying very hard to keep my fist out of his face. I think my hand even started shaking from the effort.

"Here Dad," Jude said, and I snapped out of my trance. I didn't hear her come back in the room. Jude handed her dad the water and he took it with a thank you. Jude sat back down and Stuart took a drink as she looked between me and Stuart and back again before her eyes finally landed on me. "Everything ok?" She asked.

I glanced at Stuart and I knew he was waiting for me to tattle.

"Nope. No problems." I said, smiling at Jude tensely. "Everything's fine," I added as I glanced at Stuart out of the corner of my eyes. Jude didn't look convinced but she let the subject drop. For now, at least.

"So, uh…Dad, where are you staying?" Jude asked, trying to break the tension in the room. Stuart looked hurt. You've got to be fucking kidding me. I thought.

"You don't want me to stay here?" Stuart asked her and I barely restrained rolling my eyes. Good work with the guilt card Stu.

"No, it's just"

"So there, it's settled." Stuart said, smiling. "I'll stay here."

Happy joy.

Jude sent me an apologetic look and I just shrugged.

"Dad, let me talk to Tom for a minute, ok?" Stuart nodded and Jude grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen. For a small woman, she had one hell of a grip. Jude paced a moment in the kitchen, sending nervous glances down the hall before turning to face me.

"I'm so sorry!" She said in a stage whisper.

"You didn't know." I whispered back.

Jude threw her arms up in exasperation and turned around, facing the wall and I wondered what I did wrong.

"I don't feel right kicking him out. He's my dad, but"

"Jude," I grabbed her arms instinctly and she seemed to relax a notch. "Then don't." I managed to say with sincerity. Jude sighed and turned around and I let my arms fall back to my sides.

"What were you guys talking about?" She asked suddenly.

"It doesn't matter."

"Tommy!" She groaned.

"It really doesn't." I told her with a sigh. It really did not matter what Stuart Harrison thought or said. I knew the truth, she knew the truth, that's all that matters. I really didn't want Stuart Harrison staying with us, but I'd deal with it before disappointing Jude. I just didn't know how long I could last without losing my cool and killing the man.

"Jude!" Her father yelled from the other room.

"Yeah!" She yelled back and I winced at the sudden high volume. Jude shot me an apologetic look as Stuart came into the room. He looked between us for a moment and then turned his gaze on his daughter.

"It was a long trip, is it alright if I go rest in the guest bedroom?" Stuart asked and Jude's head snapped to look at me, panic and fear in her eyes. Stuart looked confused at Jude's sudden panic. Jude looked away from me and back at her dad.

"It's just…well…"

"Kwest and Sadie stayed the other night," I took over. Jude shot me a 'what are you doing' look but I kept with it. "It's kind of a mess," I said honestly, lying through my teeth. Stuart seemed happy with the answer though. "Why don't you go get your things out of the car, and we'll straighten up?" I offered. Stuart nodded and left the kitchen. Jude gaped at me.

"What?!" I asked and she continued to gape and stare. "What did you want to do?"

"I…I just thought…" She stammered before shaking her head and snapping out of her funk. "I'll go get new sheets." She said rushing off. I watched her go and headed up the stairs.

I knew Jude was surprised I didn't just tell Stuart the truth and keep to our 'lets take things a day at a time' deal, but I really didn't want to make the man more suspicious of me than he already was and it wasn't like I had a bunch of stuff in the room either. The guest room's closet is kind of a spare closet, cluttered with junk Jude probably didn't bother bringing up to the attic or getting rid of. The clothes I had were from stuff Jude pulled down from the attic of stuff she hadn't either went through or couldn't get bring herself to get rid of and resided in the closet in the master bedroom until one of us found the energy to run to the store.

I entered the room and pulled the blankets and sheets off as Jude came in with a new set. We had finished making the bed when Stuart came up with his suitcase.

"That was fast." Stuart said, looking around the room. Jude and I both shrugged.

"We'll leave you to rest, Dad." Jude said, leaving the room with me close behind her. Jude shut the door and we went downstairs.

"What happened to taking it slow?"

"Your dad doesn't seem like the understanding type."

"Tommy-"

"Jude, it's fine. We're married, right?"

"I just, I don't want to push you into anything." She said, looking down.

I reached out and put a hand under her chin, forcing her eyes up to meet mine. "If I didn't want to be here, Jude, I wouldn't be."

Jude smiled at me in response and I smiled back, my heart skipping a beat. Jude's smiles made me feel good. I loved the way her eyes and face lit up with her happiness, almost like a child's does.

The phone's sudden ring startled us out of our temporary trance and Jude went to answer it, looking at me over her shoulder as she moved. I sighed and watched her as she picked up the handset and answered it with a bored "hello".

Jude listened intently for a moment and looked at me before saying "one minute" and handing me the phone. I took it from her, confused.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Quincy, it's Dr. Franchi at Toronto General."

"Is something wrong?" I asked, panic suddenly over coming me.

"No, I assure you everything is good news. I got a response about your case for the Amytal treatments. Your case has been approved. All I need is for you and Mrs. Quincy to come down, sign some forms, and we can schedule the first session."

I glanced at Jude and then down at the floor before me. I knew she was concerned about the side effects and we hadn't had a chance to discuss options yet. I sighed.

"Does this need to be done now, or?"

"Not quite. I do need a response in a couple of weeks. Standard procedure."

"It's just, we haven't had time to discuss everything. I'd like a couple days to think it over more."

"That's fine, Mr. Quincy. I'd rather you spend time talking it over with your…Jude, before making a decision."

"Thank you," I said and hung up the phone. I sighed and looked up at Jude.

"They okayed you for the treatments?"

"Yeah." I told her, feeling a smile come to my face. I wanted to do this. I wanted to remember my life. Our life together.

"You want to do it." Jude stated, her voice sounding flat. I looked up at her and saw the worry in her eyes.

"You don't want me to." I stated, feeling my happiness fade. I knew we hadn't discussed this fully and Jude was leery, but I thought she'd be happy for me.

"It's not that, it's just…" She took a deep breath and sighed. "I know it's selfish, but I don't want to risk losing you again."

"Don't you want me to remember?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"Not if it means I lose you completely."

"It's not going to happen."

"You don't know that!" She argued back, throwing her arms up. "You never know what'll happen and"

"Jude," I said, my voice low, pleading. She stopped and looked at me. "I need to do this. I need to try and remember."

"I know." She said, meeting my eyes. "I know this means a lot to you."

"But?"

"But I'm still not sure it's worth the risk." She stated, her eyes pleading with me to understand her. I sighed. "I'll think about it, ok?"

"Yeah."

Jude gave me a sad look and looked like she wanted to say something more, but she didn't. She took a step toward me, shook her head and left the room. I frowned and felt a pang of sadness. She doesn't know how to handle me, I realized.

I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. There had to be an easier way to work this out, I just didn't know what or how.


	24. Chapter 24

**Important A/N Contains Fic Info**: OK I need to make some corrections to this fic. I made the "mistake" by rereading CMT the other day, and well…I had a few things reversed in my mind. Such as I didn't think she was 18 when Stuart broke them apart (well almost 18) I thought she was still 16. Heh. Thus, ages are a bit off in this. So, let's pretend that Jude is 25 and Tommy 32. Sadie would be 28 and I'm assuming Kwest is also 32; I don't think he's younger than Tommy but I could be wrong. Also, Pretend Kat and Jamie are married and Kwest and Sadie…well, they're covered in this chapter. OH, and for those wondering, I've determined Stuart's age to be around 53. The Be an IS site states Stuart as being in his 40s so I did a bit of my own math. I don't think he's high in the forties in the show, so we'll see how it plays out. OH! The only other thing I didn't completely address was Georgia. I honestly didn't think I had her in CMT. I got it confuzzled with one of the many other fics. So…we are pretending Georgia has been on Vacation and will make an appearance soon-ish. I'll cover that in too when she makes an appearance but I figured I'd get it all straightened out here and now since I messed up. That has been part of my dilemma. I thought about going back and adding that info in where I messed up, but I'm too lazy to go back and edit it and such and well…yeah. It's only minor stuff so we're now gonna play pretend. I didn't want Tommy to be in his 30s already! Um…I think that's all the corrections I'm gonna make. OH! For fun ness, I'm going to add a quote to the end of each of my BS updates from CMT. I must say, I have some good one-liners in that fic. I miss that humor. I'm gonna get some whit back in this to break up the seriousness of it. HAHA. Anyway, I hope you guys like and, I promise, the fic is way longer than the A/N. :D

* * *

**Chapter 22  
****Next Day**

Sun poured in from the window and bathed the room in a soft, warm glow. I lay in bed on a soft, warm mattress and covered with a comforter. I felt a pleasant weight on my chest and I opened my eyes, blinking to get my eyes to focus as I took in where I was. I glanced around in momentary confusion, not remembering how I ended up in the strange bedroom before memories of the previous day started to flow into my brain.

I felt a small smile spread on my face as I looked down and saw soft blonde hair covering my chest and Jude's head lying on my left shoulder, my arm around her and her right hand on my chest next to her face. She was curled up on her side, her small body pressed close against mine. I loved the feel of her against me, next to me.

I watched her sleep for a long while, not wanting to wake her up and spoil this moment. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay like this for ever, just watching her sleep, feeling her pressed against me all soft and warm. And to think that I was married to her, to the most amazing girl in the world…

I stopped my thoughts with a small shake of my head. Slow down there Man. I told myself. I reached up and stroked Jude's soft blonde hair. I am so whipped already, I thought to myself, a smile coming to my face. All she had to do was look at me and I was wrapped around her finger. I'd do anything for her and I barely remembered the woman next to me. It made me wonder, and afraid, of what the sex would be like.

"mmmmm" Jude moaned and she stretched and blinked open her eyes, taking in a deep breath and tilting her head to look up at me, her eyes half massed from sleep.

"Hey,"

"Hi," Jude mumbled, her voice heavy from sleep. She moved her head back down and closed her eyes, snuggling closer to me. I found myself smiling and wrapping my arms around her and holding her to me, my fingers still playing with her hair. We lay in perfect silence for a long moment.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

Jude leaned up from me and on her elbow, staring down at me. I looked up into her eyes as she bit her lip nervously.

"What?" I asked, feeling my happiness fade a bit and nervousness creep over me. I didn't like the nervous look she was giving me. Jude continued to stare at me a moment before she averted her eyes and rolled over, and sat up on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall. I watched her, not sure what to do or say.

"I just…I…" She stopped and I could feel her frown. I sat up and continued to watch her a moment. She shook her head and looked at me over her shoulder. "We should get ready. We don't want to be late for the conference." She stated, getting up and moving to the closet and searching for her clothes. I frowned as I watched her get up and cross the room. She was avoiding something. I could feel it.

I got up and approached her. I lay a hand on her shoulder and she started, not expecting the gesture.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She muttered as she looked for an outfit for today's events.

"You're avoiding something." I stated. Jude sighed and turned around to face me.

"I'm trying not to let myself build expectation." Jude smiled sadly at me and I was at a loss for words. "I have to remember that"

"Jude, I"

"It's ok." She told me, but I knew it wasn't. She was hurting and I didn't know what to do about it. "This is all me, ok. It's not you."

"But, I"

"Daddy? Mommy?" I heard Bri's voice and Jude and I both turned to look at our five year old daughter, standing in the doorway of our closet.

"Yeah, Bri?" Jude asked, kneeling down before our daughter and leaving me staring at her. Why did it seem that every time I tried to tell her I loved her, when the time seemed right, we always got interrupted? I sighed heavily. Maybe the timing wasn't right. I thought. Maybe it's a sign. I turned away from Jude and Bri as Bri asked Jude if she could have Mickey Mouse toast for breakfast and rummaged for my own clothes for the day.

Jude and Bri left the room and I went and showered and changed and went downstairs. On the way down, I heard Stuart come down behind me.

"Morning, Stuart." I stated as I reached the bottom of the stairs, trying to be cordial. Stuart just gave me a long, cold look and brushed past me to the kitchen. I sighed heavily and wondered if anything would go right this morning.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kwest man, You've got to help me." I stated, sitting down at the boards next to my best friend. Kwest looked over at me, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Hello to you too." He muttered. I scowled.

"I need your help." I stated again, running a hand through my hair.

"With what?"

"Stuart." Kwest made a face of pure nervousness and then shook his head.

"I'm sorry man, I can't."

"Kwest, I can't deal with this guy." I told him, feeling like I was going to explode. "I need…something. Anything to one up this guy."

"You want to blackmail your father in law?" Kwest asked me, looking like he wanted to laugh or smack me upside the head. Maybe both.

"No." I stated, and paused a moment. "OK, yes…sort of. I don't know!" I yelled, throwing my hands down on the soundboard and my head down on top of them. "I just…the man is getting to me, Kwest. He knows things that I don't. I don't like being on uneven turf with this guy."

"You want to know Tom Quincy Stuart Harrison 101?"

"I know the cliffnotes version, Kwest. I know the short version, I want to know the full length novel." Kwest bit his lip and looked nervous for a moment. "Come on, Kwest. I need to know."

"I know…it's just…"

"What?"

"We've been told not to tell you full stories. Jude said the doctors felt it could get your brain to create false memories." I slammed my fist down on the soundboard causing Kwest to jump slightly.

"I'm so sick and fucking tired of this!" I yelled. I got up from my seat and paced the length of the studio. Kwest watched me, a nervous look in his eyes. "Kwest, the man has something against me. I don't know what the hell is problem is but it has to be more than just dating his daughter before she was 18." I stopped in my tracks and stared at Kwest. "Come on, Man. I need to know."

Kwest sighed and I could see his resolve slipping.

"I don't know the full details. Most of it, I got second hand." He told me.

"Just tell me what you know, please." I practically begged.

"Why don't you talk to Jude about this?" Kwest asked me and I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Because…" I said, looking down at my shoes. "Because she loves her father and everytime I bring up the past, she gets this…sad look in her eyes." I told him, and looked back up, blowing out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "I just…I don't want to drudge more pain up. It…She…I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but it makes her sad when she remembers I don't remember." I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head. "That probably made no sense."

"It does." Kwest assured me with a sigh. "Alright," I smiled at him and took a seat down next to him. "You already know about Stuart forcing you to break up with Jude before her 18th." I nodded my agreement. "I can't tell you much about then because I didn't know you were dating until Stuart forced you two to break up. After that…well, I only got a drunken confession out of you." I winced and Kwest kept going on. "Stuart didn't want you dating his little girl. He didn't like your bad boy reputation and he worried about his daughter getting hurt. I don't know if there was more to it than that." Kwest told me and I nodded, committing this all to memory. "Jude found out two years later. She came back trying to make amends"

"I was dating someone else."

"Yes. You stayed friends, I don't know the story, but you two had a one night stand. Jude ended up pregnant and Jude told you the same day you broke up with Michelle. You guys planned to be together and raise the child together. Stuart came back to Toronto a few months later."

"He didn't like his daughter being pregnant."

"No, he didn't." Kwest said, his gaze getting sad.

"What happened?" I asked, feeling a wave of cold dread wash over me.

"You guys fought. You and Stuart were about to duke it out when Jude went to separate you. Stuart shoved her to she side and…being pregnant"

"She fell." I filled in, my breath escaping me with shock. Oh my god. Her father…

"She hit her head, almost lost the baby. She made it out ok and she made amends with her father if he accepted you were her baby's father and future husband." Kwest told me. "I remember you telling this to me, clearly. Stuart left the hospital room and asked you if you two could set aside your differences. For Jude. He offered you his hand to shake on the deal and you walked away from him." Kwest finished with a sad smile. "From the way I hear it, you two are cordial for Jude, but otherwise…well,"

"We don't like each other?"

"You never forgave him for shoving Jude."

I nodded, still not able to believe her father would do something like that. It made me sick. How could Jude forgive him for that?

"You ok, man?" Kwest asked and I sighed.

"Yeah." I told him. "Thanks." I gave him a sad smile, still not able to believe Stuart would do such a thing.

"Hey…um…while you're here…" Kwest said, suddenly looking nervous. I sat up in my seat, interested in what he was about to say. "What would you say if I said I wanted to propose to Sadie?"

"I thought you already were." I said with a slight wince. Kwest shook his head.

"We've had our fair share of problems." Kwest told me with a sigh. "We're happy and then we fight badly and break up and get back together again. And then we got back together and the accident happened and…well…I just…" Kwest paused. "I feel like it's the right time for us."

"Then ask her." I told him, feeling a smile come to my face.

"You think she'll say yes?"

"You're asking the guy who doesn't remember his whole life?"

"Good point." Kwest said, leaning forward, his head in his hands.

"I don't think she'd say no." I told him honestly. "I already thought you were engaged."

"I just…"

"Kwest, go for it. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks, man." Kwest said, and held out his fist. I tapped mine on his and he smiled at me.

"Hey, guys!" I heard a voice say from behind us. I turned my head around to see Jude walking into the studio.

"Hey Jude!" Kwest greeted, smiling at her as she walked into the room.

"Hey Kwest." She returned coming over to stand next to us. "What're you guys talking about?" She asked, looking between the two of us.

"Just…guy stuff." I stated, giving Kwest a go with it look and he nodded in agreement.

"Mmmhm." Jude didn't look convinced but I just smiled at her. She continued to stare between us a moment but no one was cracking.

"How'd the press conference go?" Kwest asked.

"It went alright." Jude said with a shrug. "It's over with, that's all that matters." She stated and I shrugged in response at Kwest's questioning look. Jude sighed and turned to me. "You about ready to go? Bri's going to be getting out of school soon and I don't want to leave Dad at the house by himself all day."

"Yeah, we're done here, right?" I asked Kwest, making sure he didn't want to finish the Sadie talk.

"Yeah." Kwest said and looked at me. "Thanks, T."

"No problem," I said, and got up from my seat. "Later," Kwest nodded and Jude and I left the studio as Kwest went back to the boards to mix a song or whatever it was he was working on before I interrupted.

"What were you guys talking about?" Jude asked me as we walked towards the parking lot.

"Just..stuff." I told her, not sure if I should mention Kwest's might be proposal or not.

"You're not going to tell me." She stated simply.

"I'm just…I'm not sure if it's my place to say anything." I told her and Jude stopped and turned around to face me, eyes narrowed in annoyance but her eyes were twinged with pain. How could she do that? I wondered. Be simultaneously hurt and angry? "I didn't mean…it's just…" I stammered hopelessly but Jude just turned away from me and walked towards the car, leaving me standing near the entrance of G Major, wondering what the hell I did wrong this time.

* * *

**Featured CMT Quote**

_"I tried so many ti"_

_"So, let me get this straight." Tommy said and Jude stopped, letting him have his say, head bowing in shame. "Kwest and Sadie decide to tell me and you decide to try and beat them to the punch, but you almost didn't get that chance hu? Or did you expect me to be so happy you're back that I'd run over to you and kiss you? What were you expecting Jude!" Tommy demanded._

_"Not this." Jude said, her eyes filling with tears._


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **Hey guys! Sorry it's been awhile. Life is crazy and all that, still, but it's all good. A bit longer of an update. I hope you all like it:D

* * *

**Chapter 23**

Tommy and I walked into the front door and I didn't wait for him before tossing my keys on the table by the door and heading into the house and straight for the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, my eyes breezing over a note held to the fridge with a magnet in my dad's handwriting saying he was meeting up with old friends and wouldn't be home til later. I nodded to myself as I twisted the lid off the bottle and took a long drink before lowering the bottle and closing my eyes with a sigh. _Get yourself together Jude_. I told myself.

"Jude, I" I heard Tommy's nervous voice say before he paused. I could feel his eyes on me before I turned around to see his helpless gaze.

"I'm sorry." I told him, dropping my gaze. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You're stressed." Tommy stated, simply and I looked back up at him. _Was it so wrong that I_ really _wanted him to remember_? I missed our passion and complete trust. Then again, he read me so easily that it made me forget he didn't remember exactly who I was to him and how much he loved…loves? Me. We had our problems before the accident, but it wasn't anything we wouldn't get through with some more time. We were, after all, Tommy and Jude. Team Jommy, as Kat and Jamie often called us. We survived a lot of odds stacked against us and, suddenly, I found myself doubting we'd survive this one.

"Yeah…" I answered, looking into his eyes for any sign of the husband I remembered. "I guess I am."

Silence fell over us and I turned away from him. This wasn't one of those comfortable silences were neither person had to say anything. This was that uncomfortable silence that both people knew something needed to be said but neither wanted to spit it out. We were doing that lately, I noticed. Almost like before…when we were pretending we weren't madly in love with eachother. We both knew it was there, we'd have the perfect moments, and then one of us would snap out of it and awkwardness would set in. That's what this was like. It was like I was 15 again and in love with my producer who, I didn't think, liked me back. I blew out a long breath and turned back around to face him.

"I'm sorry." I stated. "I shouldn't unload all my crap on you like that and"

"Well," Tommy interrupted, shifting his weight nervously before continuing. "Isn't that what a spouse is for?"

"It's not fair to you."

Tommy sighed, almost in frustration, and stepped closer to me. I watched him, and I could feel my confusion crossing my face. His hands closed around my hips and pulled me to him. I closed my eyes, automatically reveling in the feel of our bodies close together again, in his scent, and his hands on me. I felt a pleasant weight settle on my forehead and I opened my eyes to his crystal blue eyes staring back at me, our foreheads touching, with the softest look in his eyes.

"Jude, you know that I" Tommy didn't get to finish his thought as the doorbell echoed through the room. I went to pull away from him to get the door but his hands tightened their hold on my hips, keeping me where I was. "Let me finish." He said as the doorbell rang again.

"I should really get that." I told him, feeling bad when I saw the look of irritation settle in. He sighed and dropped his hands and brushed past me. "Hey," He stopped but didn't turn to look at me and I felt my heart clench. _Is this our 'first' fight?_ "We'll finish this later, ok?"

"Sure, whatever." He said with a heavy sigh, his frustration evident in his voice.

"Tommy, I-" I said as the doorbell rang again.

"I thought you were going to get _that_?" He spat as he turned around, arms crossing over his chest and staring at me with narrowed eyes; not quiet a glare but the effect was the same. I recoiled slightly, not expecting him to snap at me. I stared at him a moment, trying to figure out what he was so mad about before turning on my heel and going to get the door. It was at least one problem I could fix without someone being all pissy with me.

I pulled open the front door and my eyes instantly widened and flashbacks ran through my mind at the person before me.

-------------

"_Mrs. Quincy, your Husband was in a car accident…"_

-------------

"_Mrs. Quincy, we're sorry; we've done all we can"_

"_Try harder!"_

-------------

"_Mrs. Quincy, your Husband is now presumed dead. I'm very sorry for your loss." _

-------------

"Mrs. Quincy?" I snapped out of my thoughts and took a deep breath to pull myself together. _Tommy's alive,_ I told myself. _They can't be bringing bad news_.

"Can I help you?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly from the aftermath of the flashbacks.

"We're here to investigate your Husband's kidnapping." The officer stated, and I felt my mouth open into an "o" of surprise. "We'd like to ask some questions." He continued. "Unless the time is not convenient. If that's the case, we can make an appointment and I can come back or you come to the station"

"No, no!" I said, shaking my head. "It's fine. I'm just…I wasn't…" I took a deep breath. "I wasn't expecting this." The officer gave me a sad smile.

"I'm still sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances, Mrs. Quincy." Officer Dubane stated, his eyes sympathetic. "I was very glad to hear your husband has been found, alive."

"Me too." I said, a small smile coming to my face.

"Jude?" I turned my head and saw Tommy staring quizzically at me from the staircase. I turned back to Officer Dubane and stepped back and waved him inside.

"Please, come in." He gave me a curt nod and stepped into the foyer. I closed the door behind him as the officer was introducing himself to Tommy.

"Mr. Quincy, I am Lieutenant Jacque Dubane with the Toronto Police Department, I was the investigating officer assigned to your case." He stated as Tommy eyed him suspiciously a moment before taking the officer's outstretched hand.

"I don't think nice to meet ya is appropriate here?" Tommy joked and the officer smiled.

"I wouldn't really expect it, no." The officer responded.

"Officer Dubane has some questions to ask." I told Tommy as he nodded and I could tell he really didn't want to do this from the stiffness of his posture and the way he guarded his expressions. Maybe this wasn't the time to do this, I thought, remembering our earlier fight in the kitchen.

"About what?" Tommy asked, crossing his arms over his chest and eyeing the lieutenant carefully.

"Jessica White."

"What about her?" Tommy asked and Dubane sighed. This really wasn't a good time, I thought with a wince.

"Ya know," I said speaking up, stepping between the two men. "I forgot about this…thing and this really probably isn't the best time to do this."

"Oh, no." I heard Tommy's voice. I turned around and gave him a pointed look and he just glared at me. "Let's do this now."

I gritted my teeth and turned back to the Dubane and waved him into the living room. "Let's sit down, then." I offered and Dubane gave me a nod and walked off. Tommy went to follow and I grabbed his arm.

"What?" He asked.

"What? What the hell is your problem!" I whispered.

"You can't back out now." Tommy stated with a shrug. "Might as well get this over with." He muttered.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about."

"Do I?" He asked, staring sarcastically at me a moment before brushing past me and into the living room and sitting down across from Jacque Dubane. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what this was all about. I shook my head and sat down in the arm chair off to the side.

"Mr. Quincy, we presumed you dead after your body wasn't found after the accident"

"Yes, I know this." Tommy stated, giving the other man a look that asked to get to the point.

"The department wants to determine where we went wrong in the old investigation as well as open a case against Ms. White."

"Why?"

"She committed a felony by kidnapping you, Mr. Quincy, the province does not like to let someone like that go free." Dubane stated honestly, looking Tommy straight into the eyes.

"She shouldn't be able to." I stated and Tommy looked at me and then back at the Lieutenant.

"Why waste the time and resources?" Tommy asked and I gaped at him. Tommy ignored me and continued to talk to the officer. "We know what happened, more or less, I want to get on with my life."

"WHAT?!" I demanded. Tommy looked at me, a look of surprise on his face. "You want that…that…that…PSYCHOTIC BITCH TO GO FREE!?"

"Jude…I…"

"Mrs. Quincy, why don't you take a moment and calm down?" Dubane suggested and I closed my eyes, counted to ten and then took a deep breath before opening them again.

"That…that…_woman _ruined my life. _Our_ lives." I continued, a bit more calm. I had to get Tommy to agree to this. To get answers. "I need answers, Tommy." I told him, staring directly into his eyes. "I need to know why," I said, my voice and eyes pleading with him.

"I … I can't lock her up and throw away the key." Tommy stated, looking away from my gaze and at the floor. "I just…I can't."

"I don't need a direct answer now, Mr. Quincy. Just enough to open the investigation." Dubane stated, his tone soft and understanding. I kept my gaze locked on Tommy. I needed this. I needed answers.

"OK." Tommy said, looking up with a sigh. "You can do your investigation but I don't want to press charges…not yet." I closed my eyes and felt myself relax into the chair.

I heard Tommy let the lieutenant out and the door close softly.

"Jude?" I opened my eyes and looked up at Tommy. He stood in the doorjam, hands in his pockets. "I get that you need answers, but so do I." I stared at him in confusion for a long moment. He sighed and walked over to me. "I agreed to do this, because I know how it is not to understand what's going on and why." He knelt down before and took my hand.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I get it now." I told him with a sad smile. "I just…I don't want to lose you again."

"What if I promised if any of the bad side effects start to take effect, it's done."

"Do you?" I asked.

"Jude…I…" He sighed and shook his head. "I promise. I don't want to lose you either." I felt a smile come to my face. Our eyes were locked and I watched his smile slowly spread across his face, mirroring mine. I leaned down and threw my arms around him into a tight hug and his wrapped around me. I closed my eyes, thankful that he was here and whatever it was he was so mad about earlier was done and gone. I hated it when we fought; it always left me feeling anxious, worried, and hurt.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Tommy and I broke apart to see Briana running into the room. I felt a smile grow on my face as I got up and hugged my little girl.

"Bri! How's my baby girl?!" I asked as she backed away from me.

"Good! Aunt Sadie and I got ice cream!" I looked past my daughter to shoot a glare at Aunt Sadie who just shrugged in return.

"Thanks for picking her up." I told Sadie as Bri rushed over to Tommy and hugged him.

"No problem." Sadie said with a smile. Her smile faded as she took me in. "Are you ok?" She asked and I turned to glance at my husband and daughter and smiled at them as Bri talked adamantly about school and Tommy listened intently.

"Yeah, it's ok now."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **OK, I know. I'm a slacker, but I think this chapter will be worth it. It's LONG and...well, yeah. You'll see. :D I hope you guys enjoy! I had a blast writing it. So much stuff, so little time to write.

* * *

**Chapter 24**

"Are you ok?" Jude asked me as we left the hospital from my first round of the Amytal treatments.

"Yeah…just…got a headache." I answered, blinking a couple times to try and clear my head. "I'll be fine."

"Maybe I shouldn't go back to work…"

"Why?"

"What if you"

"Jude?" She looked at me with worried eyes. "I think I'll be ok by myself. I am an adult ya know." Jude bit her lip and didn't look convinced as we continued out to the car.

"How about we see how you're feeling when we get home?" She asked as she hit the remote lock for the car doors and opened her door. I sighed and got into the car, closing the door behind me with a slight slam. I settled into the seat and leaned my head back and closed my eyes, trying to will the headache that was only getting worst by the seconds away.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Jude asked me, her voice not concealing her worry. I rolled my eyes beneath closed eyelids and turned my head to look at her, her eyes as worried as her voice.

"I'll be ok." I answered.

"So, no." Jude retorted with a sigh. "What's wrong?"

"Headache. Dr. Franchi said it's normal, remember?" Jude frowned in response and reached over and felt my forehead.

"At least you don't have a fever." She muttered.

"Jude?" She removed her hand and looked at me. "I'm…what, 33?"

"32."

"Whatever. I'm old enough to know if I'm sick or not."

"Yes, I know that, but are you going to put aside your pride and say something when you're not ok?"

"I don't want you to worry about me." I told her. "I'll be fine. We already agreed" Jude sighed.

"I can't help but worry about you."

"I'll be ok. I'm not going anywhere." I told her and gave her a small smile. "I was too stubborn to die the first time, what makes you think it'll happen again?" Jude gave me a small smile and shook her head.

"OK, I'll stop hovering and treating you like you're 3."

"Thank you."

"Maybe like you're 10?"

"Whatever makes you happy."

Jude beamed and turned the key in the ignition. I sighed and closed my eyes and turned my head away from her. My head was pounding like the walls at a heavy metal concert. I could feel the car move as Jude began to navigate towards our house. I took a deep breath and hoped I wouldn't end up getting sick.

---------------------------------

"Jude!" Stuart yelled, not two seconds after we walked in the door. I winced at the volume but Jude, thankfully, did not notice it.

"Yeah, Dad?" She asked, stepping into the living room and pausing to stare. I sighed and followed her and tried to suppress the urge to jump up and down cheering. Littering the floor of the living room, were Stuart's suitcases. I managed to keep a grin of satisfaction off my face as Jude looked disappointedly around. "You're leaving?"

"Work called, we were in the middle of this huge audit and it was looking pretty routine, and well, they found something that is reminiscent of fraud and I need to get back there." Stuart said, sounding harried and apologetic all at the same time. He was supposed to be this hot shot Auditor in New York or whatever. Who cares, if it gets him away from me, I'm happy.

"Oh." Jude said, sounding slightly disappointed.

"I'm sorry, honey, I would stay and visit longer, but"

"No, it's fine. I understand. You're needed at work."

Stuart smiled in relief and I reached up and massaged my throbbing temples. In my momentary happiness, I almost forgot about my pounding head. It almost seemed like it was getting worst. I took a deep breath and looked at Jude.

"I'm going to go and lay down for a bit." I told her and she frowned, her eyes looking critically at me. "Stuart, it was nice meeting you…again." I managed to say, relatively politely, and brushed past him, heading towards the stairs.

"Tom?" I stopped and suppressed a groan. "Can I talk to you a minute, before I leave?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, willing the drummer that was banging on my skull to go a way. I reopened them and no such luck.

"Dad, can't you wait and"

"It's fine, Jude." I said, turning around and eyeing Stuart suspiciously. "Let's talk," _and then I can pass out and sleep off this headache_. I added silently.

Stuart smiled and Jude watched us uncertaintly.

"I'll be in the family room." She said, leaving us alone. I shifted my weight nervously, remembering the last conversation I had alone with the man, and shoved my hands into my pockets, hoping I could keep myself from losing it. Stuart watched Jude go and then turned towards me with a sigh. _Here we go…_

"Look, Tom"

"If this is gonna be some lame apology or another bash, can we skip it?" I asked tiredly.

"Will you hear me out?" Stuart asked and I sighed. I should just say no and forget the whole damn thing and go on with my life. But for some reason, I stayed and Stuart took that as a yes. "I don't know if you're playing my daughter and the rest of us for fools," He stated, his voice stern and for a split second, I swear his head turned this fire-y yellowish color and horns sprouted on top of his head. I blinked and the image stayed. I closed my eyes and shook my head and, when I reopened them, they were gone and Stuart was looking normal again. "…but I can see you still make my Baby Girl happy."

"Stuart, I care about your daughter. I couldn't imagine that I'd ever want to do something like that to her."

"I would hope not."

I clenched my jaw and bit down on my lip to keep a snide remark to myself. Silence stretched between us for a long moment. We both watched the other like predator eyeing a prey.

"Take care of my girl." I resisted the urge to say she was my girl and just nodded.

"I don't think Jude would let me take care of her." I joked and Stuart's eyes narrowed in response. "Yes, sir." I amended, suddenly knowing how the teenager felt when he took daddy's little girl out on her first date. Stuart held out his hand to me and I accepted the shake. I'd probably have to disinfect my hand later.

"See you later, Tom."

Not if I can help it. I thought and wondered for a moment if Stuart's words were a threat or a promise.

---------------------------------

"Bri! Don't climb on top of the counters!" I yelled as I grabbed the ringing phone, watching my daughter out of the corner of my eye change her mind about climbing on the counter and going back to her crayons on the floor.

"Hello?"

"Jude!" Sadie's high pitched voice squealed out. I winced at the sound.

"Hey, Sades, I'm kinda busy-"

"KWEST PROPOSED!" She yelled, and I found myself grinning in spite of her hysterical yell.

"Finally!"

"I know!" She squealed out and I could hear the beaming smile in her voice.

"Oh, Sades, I'd love to hear details, but"

"I understand. I just…had to tell you!"

"I'll call you later tonight, when I get Bri down." I turned my head and watched as Bri carefully selected her next crayon color and brought the tip to the paper, coloring vigorously and with the concentration only a five-year-old could muster. She was usually a good kid and very well behaved, but like most five-year-olds, she had her moments.

"Byez!" sadie said happily and we both disconnected the phone. I sighed and glanced up at the clock. Dad had left about 8 hours ago and Tommy had been out cold since. I ended up making dinner for me and Bri and leaving the left overs in the fridge if he woke up.

"Hey, Bri?" Briana looked up from her crayons and paper, her crystal blue eyes sparkling. "Can I color too?" I asked her, walking to stand next to her and kneeling down to her level. Bri watched me for a moment, a deep frown on her face as if she was thinking about letting me color with her. Bri nodded after a long pause and smiled. I smiled back and Bri found me a picture from her coloring book and handed it to me. I smiled at it. It was of a girl with a guitar. "You can color that one, Mommy." She told me and I smiled at her and looked down at the crayons, hmm-ing loudly as I scoped out my crayon victim.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah sweety?" I asked, snatching a good guitar brown and started coloring the guitar.

"Is Daddy sick?" She asked me, her voice serious and sad all the same time. I stopped coloring and looked up at Bri, surprised by her question and the sadness in her eyes when she asked it.

"He's just tired, sweety." I told her, reaching over and ruffling her brown hair. Her father's hair.

"Oh." Briana said, her eyes frowning.

"Hey, Daddy's fine." I told her, in a voice so certain, I almost believed it.

Briana looked uncertain for a long moment, as if considering my words before nodding and going back to coloring a cat purple. I watched her for awhile, wondering how she managed to be so observant for a five-year-old. She never ceased to amaze me.

A sharp knock on the door jarred me from my thoughts. I looked over at Bri, who remained unfazed by the door. I told her to stay where she was and she just nodded and continued to color the cat in. I got up and hurried over to the door. I didn't bother to see who it was before opening it, Officer Jacques Dubane standing on the porch. I blinked, momentarily surprised.

"How can I help you, Officer Dubane?"

"I'm sorry for stopping by so late, but I was in the area and"

"It's fine." I said, shaking my head and getting over my surprise. "How can I help you?" I asked. The man sighed and pulled a manila file folder from behind his back and handed it to me. I took the folder, staring at it in confusion and then back up at the officer. He gestured for me to open it and I did, my confusion turning to shock.

"Did you know about this previously, Mrs. Quincy?" He asked me and I glanced at the date before shaking my head. Six months before the accident. My heart had stopped, my throat was tight and I didn't know if I could say anything. I could barely breath. Why didn't Tommy tell me? "I'll take it as a no."

"No…I…I didn't" I felt tears sting my eyes as I shut the folder. Tommy had filed a police report with Toronto Police Department about a stalker roughly 6 months before the accident took place. A few weeks before the accident, a restraining order was issued to a woman named Jessica Blaine, fitting the description of Jessica White. The woman who had, essentially, kidnapped my husband.

"Is your husband in? I'd like to ask him some questions about this"

"It's really not a good time." I stated with a shaky voice. Dubane nodded. "Here's your file." I held it out for him and Dubane shook his head.

"Keep it. Show it to Mr. Quincy. It's a copy anyway. Maybe it'll jog something for him." I nodded and he turned and walked down the stops. He paused at the bottom and turned around to look at me once more. "Mrs. Quincy, I am continuing the investigation to see if this woman is actually Jessica White. If it turns out to be the case…I will have to arrest her."

I nodded and the officer tipped his hat before turning around and heading for his squad car. I turned and went back into the house and shut the door, my eyes on the file in my hands.

"Whatcha lookin at?" I glanced up and saw Tommy coming down the stairs, a questioning look in his eyes, looking more normal than he was earlier today. His skin lacked the paleness that had set in and his eyes were clear and focused.

"Hey, you're feeling better." I stated and he nodded. Despite the disheveled hair, he looked good.

"Mmm." He answered and looked at the file in my hands and then back at me. I wordlessly handed it to him and he took it from me, our fingers brushing and sending a tingle up my fingers. Tommy looked at me quizzically I couldn't do this right now. I didn't think I could handle discussing it. I glanced at the clock and left the room, needing to get Bri to bed and letting Tommy read the contents.

---------------------------------

I watched Jude as she left, my eyes narrowed in a frown. She rounded the corner and was out of sight and I looked back down at the file in my hands, staring at it for a long moment. I sighed and walked over to the couch and sat down, slipping it open and reading the information a bit before feeling more confused than I had in days.

Apparently, I had reported to the police a stalker chick. She made calls almost daily, wanting to talk to me at G Major and talking about how we were friend and even more some days. How she loved me and I loved her. I never knew who she was, she didn't ever give me a name but I wanted it on record that it was happening. Eventually, I told the receptionist to not forward the calls.

I flipped a couple pages, scanning and noting the progress of the crazy girl. She even came by G Major, asking for me. The staff wouldn't let her in, thinking she was some fan coming to get an autograph or something. When she couldn't contact me through G Major, she waited for me to get off work. Hung out at the coffee shop across the street, everywhere and anywhere, she was there. Trying to get me to remember that I loved her, that we were a family.

"Daddy!" I looked up from the file just in time to see Briana before she launched herself at me, her arms automatically wrapping around me. I let out an oomph of surprise and hugged her back. Briana pulled back a little, settling herself in my lap, her eyes looking at me in such a way, I had to resist the urge to squirm. Under the gaze of a five-year-old. Yes, I am officially pathetic.

"Yes, Bri?"

"Are you feeling better, Daddy?" She asked me and I nodded.

"Yeah, Bri. I'm feeling a lot better." Briana nodded.

"Good, cuz Mommy was worried." She told me and I glanced over at Jude who was blushing slightly. I gave Jude a smile and then turned my attention back to Bri.

"Mommy worries a lot, hu?" I asked and Bri nodded vigorously and I grinned. I reached up and stroked Bri's hair. "Ya know what, Angel?" As I said the words, I got a flashback, a memory.

"_Here, you take her!" Jude said, handing the screaming infant over to me. _

"_What do you want me to do?!" I asked as I took little Briana Lynn into my arms. _

"_She always stops crying for you." Jude stated and I situated Bri in my arms and she stopped crying. Her tear filled blue eyes looking up at me and she burped, then giggled. I couldn't help but smile. "See, what did I tell you?" Jude asked, smiling at us. I didn't look up at her, but continued to look into the eyes of my 3 month old daughter. Not even a year old and I knew I was whipped for the rest of my life. "Daddy's Little Angel."_

"Daddy?" Bri's voice came and I shook my head and looked back at her.

"Bri, Honey, it's bed time." Jude's voice came and Briana looked at me, waiting for me to continue saying what I was gonna say. I leaned in and kissed her cheek and Briana smiled.

"Mommy just cares about us. That's why she worries so much." I told her and Briana nodded. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Daddy, don't let anything bad take you away again." She told me and I swear I felt my heart break at her words. I couldn't even say anything to that. How could you? Briana kissed my cheek and hopped off my lap, leaving me speechless. "Night Daddy!" She called as she walked up the stairs, followed by Jude. I turned my head, still trying to get my brain to work, Bri's words echoing through my brain.

I glanced back over at the file and sighed. If this were really true, and Jessica Blaine is Jessica White…I shook my head. What kind of sick person would do that? I wondered, and picked up the file to finish the last couple pages. The whole drama ended when I apparently got the name of the girl from an in person meeting and promptly slapped her with a restraining order. A month later, I was in a car accident that resulted in total memory loss. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows for sure. I sighed and looked up to see Jude coming down the stairs, Bri must have been out like a light tonight, carrying a laundry basket.

"Want help with that?" I asked, setting the file aside and getting up. The washer and dryer were downstairs in the basement.

"Nope. I'm good." Jude said, her voice tense as she struggled with the basket full of clothes.

"Are you"

Jude just glared at me as she rounded the corner to the basement door. I held up my hands in surrender and went back to the couch, glancing back through the file to see if I missed anything through my skim. A minute or two later, Jude back into the living room, looking more calm than she had before.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, wondering what caused her sudden change in mood.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked, her voice sounding strangely tense as she sat down across from me.

"You've been…acting weird. Since this came." Jude's eyes narrowed.

"Let's not talk about it." She muttered. I sighed and slapped the file folder down on the coffee table between us.

"I think you need to."

"What's it going to accomplish?" She asked, tears stinging her eyes. "you don't even remember filing those reports, so what's the point in yelling about it?"

"Jude, I"

"Tommy, if you know what's good for you, drop it." Her voice was full of anger as she said the words and I knew I should do as she requested and drop the subject. But I didn't want to. I didn't want it to loom over us like a dark cloud.

"Jude, I"

She leapt up from the couch, faster than my eyes could track, and started pacing angrily across the living room.

"What do you want me to say, Tommy, hu? You want me to talk about how hurt and angry I am that you hid this from me nearly 4 years ago? That I'm wondering what the hell else you were hiding from me? That I knew we had problems but I didn't think my own husband would keep something like this from me!" Jude's eyes started to water and a stray tear escaped her eyes. She reached up and brushed it away angrily, not breaking a step. "How the hell am I suppose to know that the chick, this Jessica, wasn't a one night stand gone wrong? Or, heaven forbid, an affair that got out of hand?" She stopped and stared at me. "How the hell am I suppose to know if my husband was fucking cheating on me?!" Tears were now falling from her face and I was speechless during her rant. At one point, my jaw had dropped slightly, never guessing she would feel this way. She sniffed. "you were always at work and…" She shook her head and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she quietly sobbed. I stared at her, not knowing what to do. If I should do anything, or if she'd accept anything I tried.

Not knowing what to say, I got up, and slowly approached her. Jude didn't move, just continued to hold her head in her hands and cry. I felt my heart break as a soft sob escaped her throat.

"Hey," I said softly, and reached out and touched her arm. Jude unburied her face and threw her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms instinctly around her, rocking us softly back and forth, my hands running calming strokes through her hair and down her back, murmuring whatever came to mind to help her feel better. Jude's sobs finally quieted down and she stood, shaking slightly, her grip on me tight as if she was afraid I was going to disappear if she let go of me.

"Jude?" I said softly and she sniffled in response. "I could never imagine in a million years cheating on you." I told her, and she looked up at me and into my eyes, her blue eyes red, puffy, and filled with tears and sadness, but so much hope as well. "I can't guarantee it, but Jude…I couldn't imagine ever hurting you like that." Jude untangled one hand from around me and reached up and stroked my cheek softly with the tips of her fingers.

"I wish that you remembered." Jude whispered, her hand sliding through my hair and running over the scar I knew covered my scalp, hidden by my thick dark hair.

"Me too."

Jude smiled sadly at me and I continued to look into her eyes. She was so beautiful even with her cheeks tear stained and eyes blood shot. When she was upset and crying, it felt like my world was crashing around me. I felt her pain probably as well as if it had been my own. Before I was even conscious of it, she kissed me…or was it I kissed her…either way, her soft, velvety lips were on mine and I felt my eyes close instantly. My arm around her waist pulled her closer. I deepened the kiss, putting everything into it and Jude responded, her hands locked around my neck, pulling my head down closer to her and I didn't mind at all. This, I thought, is perfect.

After a long moment, Jude and I both pulled back. Jude's eyes grew wide in panick and I reached up and caressed her cheek. She looked down at the floor, away from my eyes and I felt my heart sink.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have"

"Jude?"

"Yeah?" I moved my hand and lifted her chin so her eyes were looking into mine.

"Don't be sorry." I whispered and leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Whoo! This chapter has been a doosy to write. I swear I've spent more time on this chapter than I have any other chapter in the fic. I hope you guys enjoy this one. It was kinda fun to write. I don't think you'll be disappointed. I apologize for the long wait on this update. As I said in my last Running Back Update…I got sick, and then I had exams, and yeah…it was bad. I hope you guys like this one! Happy reading!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the lyrics to the song "Over You". It's performed by Chris Daughtry and owned by his people.

* * *

**Chapter 25**

Previously…

_"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have"_

_"Jude?"_

_"Yeah?" I moved my hand and lifted her chin so her eyes were looking into mine._

_"Don't be sorry." I whispered and leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth._

We both pulled away simultaneously and I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach, like a giddy teenage girl getting her first kiss. Tommy didn't look away from my eyes but I let mine droop to the floor. What do we do now? I found myself wondering.

"Now what?" I found myself whispering, raising my eyes to meet his. He gave me a small nervous smile and took my hands in his.

"Jude?"

"Hm?"

"Will you go out with me?" He asked and I felt my heart melt.

"Well…I don't know, I mean, I am married." I stated, looking up at him with a grin on my face.

"Are you?"

"Mmmm, yeah, to the most handsome, wonderful man alive." I murmured, leaning closer into him. He smiled.

"I guess I'll have to kill him." He murmured against my lips before kissing me. I felt a moan rise in my throat and wrapped my arms around his neck. It felt good to be like this again with him. I would have been content to just stand here and kiss all night. Unfortunately, Tommy didn't want to and pulled away. I let out a whimper and he leaned his forehead on mine. "You never gave me an answer."

"I'll have to talk to my husband."

"I don't think he'll mind."

"You think?"

"I know."

"Well, I guess it'll be ok then." I said, smiling. Tommy smiled warmly at me and my heart fluttered in my chest. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, his smile fading a little bit.

"Ya know…if you hadn't said yes, this would have been really awkward."

"And why wouldn't I agree?" I asked, cocking my head to the side with a smile.

"I…I don't know…I mean…you could have not wanted to or whatever." Tommy stammered out. I laughed and shook my head.

"What?" He asked.

"Tommy, we're married."

"And…?"

"And we're going on a date…it's kinda funny."

"Oh…" Tommy said, looking disappointed.

"But cute." I added and his eyes brightened and my heart melted. I loved his smile. I loved him. I loved that we could finally be this comfortable with each other. "So, when do you want to go out?" I asked him, batting my eyes.

"Um…I hadn't thought that far yet." He admitted, grinning sheepishly at me. I rolled my eyes and hit him playfully on the arm and he faked injury and pouted.

"You ask me out and don't even have anywhere in mind?" I asked, giving him a hard time. "Maybe I should go back to my jealous husband…"

"Funny." He muttered and I leaned into him and kissed him.

"You're lucky you're a better kisser." I joked with a smile and he shook his head.

"Are you sure that's all I'm better at?" He asked and I felt my face grow warm as I looked away from him and at the floor. "Oh, so I am worth more than a good mouth?" He joked, mocking shock and I felt my face grow warmer. Oh he had no idea. I looked up at him, and knew my face had to be red from the thoughts I was trying to keep out of the forefront of my memory.

"Maybe if you play your cards right, we'll both know for sure." Tommy smiled at me and wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into him. I sighed and closed my eyes, content to lay my head against his chest. His hands stroked my back and I felt his lips on the top of my head.

"Maybe." He answered, winking at me and dropping his arms and stepping past me and heading up the stairs. I just stood, staring stupidly after him, trying to figure out what had just happened between us.

- - - - - - - - - -

"OK, spill." I looked up from my place at the soundboard to see Kat standing next to me. I turned to face her, and realized I was already smiling. "You haven't been this happy since"

"Jude, I…" Sadie paused in the doorway, took one look at me and closed the door behind her and rushed over to my other side. "OK, story time! What's got you all happy!"

"What, am I not allowed to be"

"Did you and Tommy have sex?!" Kat asked and I stared at my friend in shock before shaking my head. I wish, I found myself thinking.

"No! Kat…no. It's…it's too soon."

"Ok, so what's got you all smiley?" Kat asked and both women leaned closer to me, hands propped on the soundboards. I kind of felt like an animal in a zoo and squirmed under their gazes.

"Tommy asked me on a date."

"Aaaaawwww!" Both girls squealed and I felt my smile grow bigger.

"That is so cute!" Sadie Squealed, and kat nodded in agreement.

"I wish Jamie would ask me on a date…I mean, we're married, but…Oh my God! Jude, you are so lucky!"

"Details!" Sadie demanded, giving me an insistent look.

"Yes, details!"

I sighed and told them about last nights events, about officer Dubane's visit, pausing to let Kat and sadie rant about Tommy hiding things from me, to the kiss (which they awed at) and to him asking me out.

"When are you guys going out?"

"I don't know. We'd have to have someone watch Bri"

"I'll watch her! Go out tonight, Bri can come over and stay the night with Auntie Kat and Uncle Jamie!"

"I don't"

"Jude, go out, have fun with you're unbelievably romantic husband, and let Kat and Jamie watch your daughter – and my niece – for the evening."

"I don't" My eyes widened and I whipped my head to look over at Sadie. "Oh my god! Sadie, Details!"

"About"

Sadie Grinned and held out her left hand, causing Kat to stop in mid sentence when she saw the engagement ring now on Sadie's finger.

"Kwest proposed!" Kat squealed and Sadie beamed happily.

"Sadie, that ring is gorgeous." I told her and she looked at it with a satisfied smile.

"Oh, how'd he do it?" Kat asked.

"He took me to dinner at Andiamos."

"Nice!" Andiamos is one of those really fancy Italian restaurants that Sadie loved. They only served strictly authentic Italian, the chefs barely spoke English and the wait staff all had Italian accents. The menu was one of those that had no prices listed on it and a live instrumentalist who played Italian music.

"We ordered dinner and Kwest ordered some fancy champagne and we ate dinner and he asked if I was enjoying the evening and went on to say how much he loved me and the next thing I know, he's on one knee and I'm balling my eyes out."

"Aw!" Kat and I squealed.

"I wasn't expecting it at all, I mean, we've been dating on and off for so long…"

"It's about time, Sades." I told her and Kat nodded.

"Yeah, I guess." She answered, but still smiling.

"So, Jude, what time am I gonna get Bri?!" kat asked me.

"I have to talk to Tommy first…"

"Fine, but seriously, Jude, Go out, have fun and let Auntie Kat spoil her god child rotten for an evening." I laughed.

"Tommy and Sadie already do.."

"But they don't design her princess dresses." I groaned.

"Kat, she has enough of those"

"Come on! I need to make her a Cinderella still! You cannot deny the girl a Cinderella ballgown!"

"NO!" Kat pouted.

"Not even for Halloween?"

"We'll talk about it."

Kat grinned triumphantly.

"Now go tell your hubby you're going out tonight." Kat stated, pulling me out of the chair and shoving me towards the door.

"OK, ok, I'll be back…I guess." I stated, leaving the studio and sighing. I had a vague idea of where Tommy was. He had ran off to talk to Kwest not long after we got here and I hadn't seen him since. I walked into Kwest's studio to find the booth empty. I frowned and went to leave when I heard a guitar playing. I turned to look through the glass and saw Tommy sitting in the recording booth, strumming a guitar, hypnotic chords coming out of it. I knew I should tell him I was here, but I really wanted to hear what he was working on.

"I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you."

He stopped singing and continued to strum absently at it and looked up, a surprised look coming to his face when he saw me and he set the guitar to the side. I managed to unfreeze myself to walk into the recording booth.

"Hey…" He said, looking nervous.

"Hey, you remembered how to play." I said, pointing at the guitar. He sighed and frowned.

"Kind of…if I don't think about it I just…can." I nodded. I understood what he meant. "Like with the soundboards…I just know what everything does."

"Music's always been a big part of your life. It'd be odd if you weren't familiar with it."

"I guess." He said with a shrug.

"I liked the song." I said, trying to get him to talk about it. He gave me a smile.

"It just…came to me."

"Mind if I ask what it's about?"

"Everything. Jessica, mostly." He admitted looking me into the eyes and I felt relieved to know it wasn't about me. I didn't want him to be over me.

"You should keep working on it." I told him and he sighed.

"Maybe."

"Kat wants to watch Bri for us tonight." I stated, changing the subject. "She says we need to go out and she wants to spend time with her." Tommy smiled at me.

"Sounds like a plan." He said and leaned in to kiss me and paused. "Sure your husband isn't gonna get jealous?"

I rolled my eyes. "You are my husband." I told him and he laughed.

"Good point." He stated and leaned forward and kissed me. I leaned forward into the kiss and closed my eyes. I don't think I'll ever get used to this again. Tommy pulled away and it took me everything I had not to whimper and pull him back. "So, where do you want to go?" Tommy asked me and I smiled at him.

"That's for you to figure out." Tommy threw his head back and groaned. I just smiled at him.

"It can't be that hard…"

"I'm at a disadvantage, ya know." He pointed out and I gave him a sympathetic smile, leaned forward and kissed him quickly before standing up.

"I'll give you a handicap on the date scale."

"Gee, thanks."

"Later Honey!" I called, blowing him a kiss. "Bye Schnookums!" he called and I made a face before leaving him alone in the studio and back to mine, a smile on my face. I was going on a date tonight. With my husband. Who isn't dead. Life couldn't get any better.

- - - - - - - - -

We dropped Bri off at Kat and Jamie's and hung around for a little bit to chat and catch up before taking off to the restaurant Tommy had chosen for us to go to dinner. He had chosen a new restaurant that recently opened in the area. It was classy and not normally my first choice, but I liked the atmosphere of the place. It was small, the light fixtures low and each table held a candelabra in the center.

"So, how'd I do?" Tommy asked me once we were seated and the hostess left us to look over the menu. I smiled at him and glanced around, taking in the surroundings before my eyes landed on him again.

"Very nice." I told him and he smiled.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you look?" He asked and I felt my face growing warm from the compliment.

"Thank you. You look pretty good yourself."

Tommy smiled and went so say something when the waitress walked over wearing blank pants, a white pressed shirt, and a white apron to hold the notepad and such tied around her waist. She set down two glasses of water at the table and smiled warmly at us.

"Hello, my name is Sarah and I'll be your server this evening." She greeted warmly. "How are you doing this evening?"

"Good," We both answered and she smiled.

"Would you like to start off with drinks?" She asked and pulled her notepad and pen out of her pocket.

"We'll split a bottle of your best Merlot." Tommy stated and glanced at me to make sure it was ok. I nodded my agreement and the waitress nodded before leaving us alone. I picked up my glass of water and took a sip before placing it back down.

Silence stretched between us for a moment and I sighed, looking away from Tommy and around the area at couples filling various tables. Most of them were older couples, who were sitting in comfortable silences or talking quietly to each other. As I watched them, I couldn't help but smile and then laugh to myself.

"What?" Tommy asked, looking up from the menu he was looking at. I shook my head and couldn't answer him from laughing. The waitress came to our rescue with the wine and two glasses. She poured us both a glass and then set the bottle in a bucket of ice off to the side.

"Are you ready to order yet?" She asked and we both shook our heads and she nodded before walking off.

"What's so funny?"

"I just…I just remembered our first date."

"What happened?" Tommy asked, leaning forward, looking interested. I picked up my glass and took a sip of the wine before setting it back down again.

"Well…I was 16 at the time. You were 22, so we didn't want to go public with our relationship."

"So…what did we do?"

"You decided to cook me dinner." I said, between giggles, remembering the disaster that dinner had been.

"I take it I'm not a chef?"

"Back then, not so much." I stated with a laugh. "But it was cute. You tried."

"What'd I attempt to make?" Tommy asked me and I frowned, trying to remember what the solid black bricks were supposed to be.

"I don't know. You never told me…I only saw the charred black bricks it turned into." Tommy winced.

"Ouch."

"It was kinda funny. You were disappointed." I stated and then added, "I thought the effort was cute. I use to burn water…so….yeah." Tommy laughed.

"You couldn't have been that bad."

"Oh, yes I was." I said with a grimace.

"So, what did we do?"

"We ordered Chinese take out and watched Return to Me on pay-per-view and fell asleep on your couch."

"That sounds eventful."

"It was all I wanted from you at 16. I was just happy you wanted to be with me."

"Do you mind if I ask why?" I sighed.

"When I met you…it was after I won Instant Star and you were assigned to be my producer. I wasn't exactly thrilled. You were in a Boy Band and I"

"Was a punk rocker and thought I had no substance."

"Exactly." I said but then smiled and held my hand out across the table and Tommy took it and I interlocked our fingers. "But you proved me wrong." Tommy smiled at me. "And I fell for you…hard. On my 16th Birthday, I was dating Shay, this big rapper at the time. Anyway, Shay had just left for his world tour and was coming back for the day to celebrate before going back." I paused and took a deep breath. It's been a long time since I thought about that night. "Shay showed up. I was happy to see him, but then…I found out he was cheating on my with Eden Taylor…the woman I beat in the Instant Star competition."

"Ouch." Tommy said, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, it wasn't pretty. I was upset, ran out of the party. You followed me. Told me Shay was an idiot and I voiced how I couldn't understand why every one of the people I loved and cared about told me how much they loved me and how great I was and how I made them better people and you kissed me." I said, smiling at the memory. God I was so happy. "I was so happy, but then…I was afraid. I had overheard you telling Kwest earlier that you wanted me but didn't want to be 'That Guy'. I thought for sure you were going to freak out on me or something. You didn't…at least, I don't think. You told me to go inside and I did. It was raining and it was cold. I went and hid in the studio and you came and found me later. Told me if we were going to do this that we had to keep it to ourselves." I smiled at the memory. "We were both so damn happy."

"And then your Dad interfered."

"Mmmm. I always wondered what would have happened if I would have stayed instead of running off." I said, and shook my head. "Wow, way to be a Debbie Downer…"

"We ended up together," Tommy told me, squeezing my hand. "In spite of everything." I smiled at that and nodded.

"We did."

We smiled at each other and I found myself getting lost in his gaze, the same eyes I fell for nearly a decade earlier. Tommy lowered his gaze a moment and looked down at the menu before him and I snapped myself out of my trance, picking up my own menu and glancing at it, occasionally shooting glances at him, both of us with a small smile on our faces.

- - - - - - - - -

The rest of the dinner was relatively uneventful. Jude and I ordered our meals and ate while we talked about everything and anything. I was worried the date was going to tank in the beginning. But then she started talking about our first date and how we got together and it made me realize just how lucky I was that I had her. There was so much going against us and it seemed like we had beat all the odds. I only wished I could remember it all. Remember what it was like to fall in love with her for the first time. To remember what it was like to hear her singing something in the studio, seeing her perform.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Jude asked me and I snapped myself out of my thoughts.

"Hm?"

"You got that look on your face, like you're thinking really hard." She said, her expression turning worried. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Just…ya know." I said with a sigh and Jude nodded, seemingly to understand what I was talking about and I was thankful for that.

Jude's phone started chirping and she hurried up and leaned down and pulled her cell out of her purse, glancing at the callerid screen before answering.

"Hello?" She answered and I picked up my wine glass and took a drink as she talked. "Kat, slow down…what happened?" Jude asked, and I looked over at Jude, and saw her face grow pale.

What's wrong? I mouthed to her and Jude shook her head at me and continued to listen.

"Kat, are you sure you didn't check" Jude was cut off and I saw the look of panic rise in her eyes and I felt my heart sink. Bri was missing.

"Tommy!" Jude said and I shook my head and looked over at her, seeing her worried expression.

"Bri…what…" Jude frowned as she looked at me.

"She's fine." Jude said slowly. "Kat was just calling to say she's down for the night…are you ok?" I shook my head and blinked a couple times in confusion.

"Yeah, I just…" I shook my head and reached up and rubbed my temples, suddenly feeling a headache coming on. What the hell is going on with me? I wondered. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure…you look kinda pale…" Jude said, looking worried and sliding out of her seat to come over to stand next to me. She reach forward and lay her hand on my forehead a moment before brushing her hands through my hair. "You're not feverish…" I nodded and reached out and picked up the glass of water that was brought over and took a drink of it.

"Maybe I had too much wine." I offered with a nervous laugh. Jude didn't look too convinced but shrugged.

"Maybe." She said, going back to her seat.

"You want desert or anything?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"You kidding me?" She said and I shrugged.

"Had to ask."

"You ready?" She asked and I nodded. Jude signaled for the waitress to bring the check before I could and I glared at her. "What?"

"That's suppose to be my job." I said, pouting.

"Oh, right…" Jude said with an apologetic look. "Sorry."

"I think my ego can handle the blow." I told her with a wink. Jude laughed and I couldn't help but smile. I loved the sound of her laugh, her smile…everything about her. I couldn't imagine not being with her. I was snapped out of my thoughts when the waitress delivered the bill which I took before Jude could. I got out my wallet and left enough to cover the check and more than enough for a tip and stood up and offered Jude my arm.

"Malady." Jude giggled and took my arm and I helped her up. We walked out of the restaurant that way, with her head laying on my shoulder and I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world.


	28. Hiatus

**A/N:** This is coming as a huge disappointment to both myself and to all my readers out there, but I'm officially putting Black Sunday on hiatus. I'm sorry guys, but I got so busy that I didn't have time to work on it. And now that school's out, I thought I'd have more spare time, but every time I open the word doc to work on it…I just can't. I don't know, but I can't get myself to write to this. I hate forcing out a chapter just to get it out because it lacks substance and I'm sure you guys can tell when my heart isn't really in it. I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to happen, but I guess it had to. The last time I put an official hiatus up, I wrote in a week but we'll see. I don't know, I just can't seem to get my heart into it. I can work on the outline til my hearts content but I can't get myself to write the actual chapters. I guess I'm just not in the right mood. Part of it, I think, is because Running Back is so close to completion, I'm constantly thinking of what needs to happen there and how to officially wrap it all up and do a good ending. So, until further notice – which I guess is when I post – I don't think I'll get anything up for Black Sunday until Running Back is finished and that's another 3 or 4 chapters. I'm gonna try and spit those out fast while I got time and not make this longer than I have to because I love this plot. I really do. I have so many things planned, it's just getting myself to write it. I wasn't going to do this because well, the last time I did it, I posted the hiatus notice and then a week or two later found my muse. But I thought it's better that happen – and maybe it'll be a good luck charm – than to leave you all hanging. I do not plan on letting this go forever. Oh no. There's too much drama to get into and uncover and reveal for me to let it die. It just needs to go on the backburner for awhile.

Until Next Time!

---Destany Mitchell

**PS:** For fun, I leave you some (of my) favorite quotes/moments from Cure My Tragedy!

"I know this probably sounds…lame, but I always know when she's around, I can feel it." Tommy said, shook his head. "I don't know, I thought she was at the Viper Room last week, but I thought…maybe I was crazy, wanting something that wasn't going to happen."

"It's not lame." Sadie said, her voice honest. "It's love." Tommy scoffed.

"Yeah, that worked out real well."

-------------

"You are an instant star." He told her and Jude raised an eyebrow.

"Cliché much?" Jude asked.

"No, I was hoping it'd be enough to get to second base." Ryland said, joking.

-------------

"you're lucky I'm too tired to argue." Tommy said, walking over to the Viper. Jude followed and got in the passenger side when Tommy hit the remote lock.

"I can't believe you still have this car." Jude said, buckling her seat belt.

"Sell it!" Tommy said, looking mortified.

"Breathe Tom…" Jude said, patting him on the shoulder.

-------------

"You know where Kat and Jamie live right?"

"yup." Tommy said, and paused. "whoa…"

"What?"

"Words I never thought I'd say…" Tommy said, shaking his head as he pulled out onto the deserted Canadian street.

"Scare yourself?" Jude asked, her tone light with laughter.

"Yeah…almost had a heart attack." Tommy joked, rolling his eyes.

-------------

"How…" Jude frowned. "How long have you guys been together?" Jude asked, realizing she didn't know the length of the relationship.

"Uh…" Tommy looked thoughtful and Jude smiled. Classic guy, she thought as he struggled to remember. "I don't know for sure…we've been seeing each other probably just over a year, but probably officially dating for…I'd say…8 months?" He said, looking uncertain. Jude shook her head and patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't hurt yourself trying to figure it out." Jude said, her voice light with humor.

"har, har." Tommy said, still looking like he was still trying to figure out when he and Michelle started dating.

-------------

"Wow," Jude said between gasps. She looked back at Tommy and he wasn't looking at her. His gaze was on the floor, and realization hit her. "Tommy"

"Jude, I have a girlfriend…"

"Do you love me?" Jude asked, her voice pleading with him. His head snapped to look at her. "Do you love me?" Jude repeated, her eyes searching his for an inkling of what was going on in his head.

"Jude," he looked away, as if ashamed of himself. "You know"

"That's not going to cut it this time Quincy." She snapped.

….."Jude…I…I never stopped loving you."

-------------

"You know what Tommy! Stop playing me and make your choice! Forget Michelle, forget the world, forget three years had ever past! Forget my dad, Fuck the world, the press, just look at me and tell me you don't want to be with me!" Jude stopped in mid pace and turned to face him. "It's not like" She stopped herself before the words came out. She was going to slip about Michelle. She couldn't do it, not like this, not this way. It'd only succeed in further pissing him off. "Forget it." Jude said, stalking towards the door.

"Jude, where are you going?" Tommy asked, leaping up from the couch to follow her.

"Away from _you_."

---------

"I was serious about what I said before Tommy. Forget three years had past, and forget about my dad…would you still be with me?" She asked, her eyes begging him for the truth.

"I wouldn't have left you for the world." Tommy answered, his eyes staring into hers.

"You didn't have to."

-----------

"No where." She muttered, slamming the freezer door. "You're out of ice cream." She said, looking forlorn. She brushed past Jamie and collapsed on the sofa, a soft sob escaping her throat.

"It's ok Jude…we can get more ice cream…" Jamie said hopefully.

----------

"I want to eat an ocean of Ben and Jerry's. I want to get fat and unattractive and I want to stay in this apartment until I die and my carcass rots." Jude proclaimed between sniffles

"Woah…ok, what'd Tommy do this time?" Kat demanded.

-----------

"Well, I'm going to…" Kwest looked panicked for a moment and picked up his coffee mug. "get more coffee."

"You don't drink" Before Tommy and Jude could finish the statement, Kwest was out the door. Tommy sighed and shook his head. "Subtly was never his strong suit."

---------------

"Jude, this is the fifth day this week you've gotten sick after breakfast." Kat commented.

"It's Jamie's cooking." Jude said between spits

-----------

"You look like shit." Ryland said matter-of-factly.

"You know how to make a girl feel special." Jude muttered. Ryland just shrugged.

------------

"Ryland!" Jude growled in irritation.

"Keep growling my name babe. It sounds sexy when you say it." Ryland said smirking.

"Pig." Ryland just kept smirking.

"You know it."

--------------

"Whoever called it morning sickness needs to be shot." She muttered before she could stop herself. Once she realized what she had just said, her eyes flew open and her hand clamped over her mouth in shock. She looked over at Tommy with scared eyes. His gaze was confused, as if he were still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"You're pregnant." He stated, his voice sounding weird to Jude.

------------------

"I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me because I'm pregnant."

"Jude, I love you. I don't _need_ a reason to be with you."

"And you came to this conclusion when…?"

"I'm slow to the uptake." Tommy state, looking sadly at her.

"You still haven't said how you feel about me being pregnant." Jude reminded him and Tommy sighed, and leaned into her and kissed her lovingly. Jude didn't fight him and returned the kiss with equal emotion. Tommy's lips left hers and Jude let out a moan of protest. He smiled into her cheek as he kissed his way down her neck.

"Marry Me." He said, nuzzling her soft flesh, his warm breath causing her to shiver.

"How romantic."

"I wasn't planning a proposal."

He said into her neck, and his breath continued to tickle her and his lips touched her throat and she let out a low moan of pleasure, and Jude found her ability to form words was gone and she wanted nothing more than a repeat performance of her last visit.

Tommy abruptly pulled back from her and Jude groaned in protest. He smiled slyly at her.

"You didn't answer _my_ question." Tommy said, smirking.

"It was more of a statement." Jude breathed. He glared at her and she sighed.

"Do you want me?"

"More than ever." He said and Jude didn't second guess him from the desire that had formed in his eyes.

"Will you still love me when I'm fat?" She asked.

"You'll be beautiful." He said with such emotion Jude actually thought he could be right.

"Will you still want me when I'm old?"

"If you don't mind me getting old first." He countered.

"Will you still want to be with me when you need to get up at 2 am because of a screaming baby?"

"We'll get use to it." Tommy said.

"Do you love me?"

"More than life." He said, his voice soft with emotion. "Will you marry me?" He asked her, pulling her closer to him.

"Do you have to ask?"

-----------

"I don't think that's in hospital policy." Tommy said smirking.

"Pervert." Jude stated, rolling her eyes. "Get in this bed and sleep with me or else I'll have to…do something." Jude said and Tommy laughed at her threat.

"I'm shaking." He said, grinning and toeing off his shoes and kicking them under the bed so they were out of the way.

"You better be."

----------

"I love you." He said and Jude grinned at him.

"You better!"


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: **5 months later, and I'm back! Sorry guys, life got insane and every time I sat down to work on this chapter, it just sucked even worst. Hopefully this will be good and another update will occur before another 5 months. College sucks. I'm officially at "Accounting School" and the class I just took an exam for was pretty brutal. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I'm a bit rusty, but I don't think the chapter is that bad. More drama to come! This fic isn't over yet. :D Be on the lookout as well for a oneshot I was working on back in August but never finished – though I had, but hadn't. Winter break is gonna be spent writing :D

**

* * *

Chapter 26**

"Are you sure you're doing ok?" Jude asked me. I sighed as I opened my eyes to blink at her. Her brow was creased with fine lines of concern as she looked critically at me. It'd been the hundredth time today she's asked me that since we came back from my second treatment at the hospital earlier today. Jude did have a reason to worry, even if it was misplaced. Since we left the hospital, I had been feeling slightly feverish and light headed, my head hurt with sharp, painful pulses and sometimes my vision blurred a bit. Jude didn't know that last part. Dr. Franchi said the symptoms were normal, but if the fever persisted or got worst by morning, to call back.

"I'll be ok." I told her, giving her a small smile of reassurance. Jude sighed and shook her head. "Really." I offered and she opened her eyes and lifted her hand to my forehead. Her hand was cool against my forehead.

"You're fever's down from earlier." She stated, looking a little less worried than before as she lowered her hand.

"Told you," I said, smirking at her and she rolled her eyes in response. "Look, I don't have to"

"You need to." I stated with a pointed look and she pursed her lips in annoyance.

"I'm fine, really." I told her, taking her hand in mine, but something felt…wrong. Like her hand didn't feel like it's usual softness, but harder…firmer.

"I don't…I wouldn't feel right going out."

"Jude, I'll" I paused a moment, catching a scent of something strong and slightly fowl. Almost like something was…burning. I blinked in confusion and the memory? Vision? Faded away, leaving me standing in the kitchen, near the stove, the scrambled eggs I was making now charred black, spatula in my hand, almost like how I was holding Jude's before. "Shit," I cursed, reaching for the knob on the stove to shut it off, smoke starting to fill the room.

"I think you killed it." Jude stated, her voice sounding amused as she walked in behind me. I turned around to look at her, and she was looking past my shoulder at what was left of breakfast.

"You sure? I think it could use a couple more minutes."

Jude just raised an eyebrow at me and shoved me out of the way and started cleaning up my mess.

"I'll do it," I told her as she started attempting to scrape charred eggs off the skillet.

"I've had tons of practice, it's fine." Jude said, giving me a grin as she turned her attention back to the pan. "How'd you mess up so bad?" Jude asked as she worked.

"I…I got distracted." I said with a sheepish look. Jude shot me an understanding smile and turned her attention back to the task at hand. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief she didn't press the issue. I don't know what that was and I didn't want to worry her about it until I knew for sure. Note to self, stay away from cooking or anything similar that could end in disaster. "Sorry," I added and Jude shut off the water and grabbed a dishtowel and dried the pan and held it up. It looked almost as good as new. I was impressed.

"I've done it a bazillion times in the past," She said with a shrug, setting the pan down and looking expectantly at me. "So mind if I ask what that was supposed to be?"

"Scrambled eggs." I told her solemnly. "Bri asked for them."

"You didn't have to make breakfast…"

"I know, I wanted to." I stated and Jude gave me a smile and going back to the fridge. "How about we make 'em together so if one of us gets distracted, we're covered." Jude stated and I laughed.

"I guess we better hope we both don't get distracted eh?" Jude rolled her eyes in response. I grinned and together we managed to get breakfast made without any further distractions.

Breakfast was uneventful. Bri "helped" wash dishes, and managed to get dish soap and water across the room and even all over the ceiling.

"Daddy!" Bri called, trying to get my attention when Jude and I finished cleaning up.

"Yeah Bri?" I asked watching her while she swaying slightly as she stared up at me.

"Piggy Tails?" She asked, her eyes begging me to say something in the affirmative. I glanced over at Jude for clarification but she wasn't paying attention. OK Tommy, think. Little girl…piggy tails. I scrambled through my brain to try and make some kind of connection to figure out what she was talking about. Unfortunately, I was failing miserably and Briana's face was beginning to fall and tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

"Bri, Honey, Don't cry," I pleaded, bending down to get eye level with her, noticing her lip beginning to quiver. "I just…I don't know what piggy tails are." I told her softly, feeling stupid for the admission. Briana looked at me with a look of pure horror and I tried not to laugh.

"Come Daddy," She said, taking my hand and pulling me with her. For a five year old, she was surprisingly strong. Briana half dragged me up the stairs to her room and motioned for me to sit. I did as directed, knowing better than to cross my determined daughter, as she rushed out of the room and came back with a brush and a couple of those hair things girls use to put their hair back into pony tails. Bri handed me the brush and sat down before me, making sure all her hair was behind her. I stared stupidly at the brush in my hand for a long moment until Bri finally got impatient and turned around to look at me, her eyes filled with annoyance. "Daddy, I can't bwrush by myself." She pointed out and I realized what she wanted me to do and I felt a moment of panic overcome me. My daughter wanted me to do her hair. Bri giggled at me and turned back around, getting herself comfortable. "You're funny Daddy." She stated, waiting for me to start brushing her hair.

I lifted the brush and tentatively brought it to Bri's head and began the process of brushing out her long dark brown hair. I don't know how long it was I tried to brush out her hair but my arm was starting to get tired and Jude walked in, took one look at our daughter, me and the brush and snatched it out of my hand before I could process the fact she moved across the room.

"What did you do?" Jude demanded, trying to keep her volume low and voice even, but I could hear the anger and looking at the mess that was Bri's hair…I'm glad she came to the rescue.

"Bri asked me to do her hair." I mumbled. Jude closed her eyes and motioned for me to move and I did. Jude took my place and started undoing the damage I had done. I watched her for a moment and left the room, knowing there was nothing I could do there.

Minutes later, Jude found me downstairs, sitting on the couch, staring at an old picture of Jude, Briana, and Me. Briana couldn't have been more than a couple months old in the picture and I couldn't help but notice how happy we all looked. I sighed and looked over at Jude.

"How the hell did you manage to do that?!" She asked me, sounding annoyed. I sighed.

"I don't know, it was tangley and…I don't know." Jude shook her head and walked past me, still angry. I watched her go, suddenly feeling my own temper start to rise. Why the hell was she so pissed off at me? I was only trying to be a good father to my daughter and a husband to my wife.

"Why the hell are you so mad?" I demanded, getting up from the couch to follow her. Jude turned around and glared at me.

"I'm not mad." Jude said curtly, turning away from me but I grabbed her arm and made her stay.

"Yes, you are." I insisted, staring into her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You want to know what's wrong, Tommy?" She asked me, staring straight into my eyes. "You! You are my problem!"

"Me?"

"What the hell where you thinking?" She demanded, hands on her hips as she challenged me. I stared stupidly at her for a long moment before I answered her question.

"I was _trying _to do our daughter's hair." Jude rolled her eyes and shook her head. "What? What the hell did I do that was so wrong?" I demanded.

"You could have killed our daughter!" I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing and Jude continued to glare at me. She reached up and hit me in the arm and I stopped laughing, realizing she was being serious.

"It was a knot, Jude, not"

"That's not what I'm talking about." She hissed, glaring at me and I felt my anger rising. What the hell was her problem?

"Care to enlighten me then? Cuz you're starting to sound like a crazy person."

"You just don't think! You just do whatever the hell you feel like and damn the consequences!" She yelled at me and I closed my eyes. I was trying to not loose it with her, I really was. But she isn't making it easy. "What if you would have zoned out again and Bri had gotten hurt? What if"

"You don't trust me." I stated and she stared at me a moment and didn't say anything. I threw my hands up and walked past her. I couldn't stay here for now. I needed to think and she wasn't going to make it easy.

"Where are you going?" Jude asked me, following me and I stopped and turned around to look back at her.

"I'm sorry I don't remember." I stated, taking a breath and letting it out in a sigh. "I'm sorry I don't remember how to be a perfect husband or a good father to Bri, but…" I shook my head and headed towards the door.

"Tommy-"

"Jude, don't." I said softly, opening the front door and pausing for a moment. "I just…I need to think." I told her and left, shutting the door behind me and shoved my hands into my pockets and left the house.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N**: OK, so I got a correction to make. My chapter numbering got all screwed up, so last one should have been 27 and this is 28. So fyi, you didn't miss a chapter. I just went retarded and have two chapter 23s, which I found when I re-outlined the fic so I could remember the progression correctly. Anywho, Are you surprised? Another chapter and it's not 5 months yet :D The first two pages of this I wrote in my tax class Monday and the rest I wrote with my Beta's help tonight. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. It's a long one and I think I did myself good on this one. Thanks to those who read and reviewed the last chapter and welcome all new-comers to the CMT-BS world and the ones who've been there from beginning, middle, etc. Hope you all enjoy this one!

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**Chapter 28**

"Jude, sit." Sadie commanded. I tore my eyes away from the front window to look at my sister. Her eyes were soft and sympathetic, but stern too. With a heavy sigh I moved over to the couch and sat next to her, pulling my legs beneath me, my head in my hands, staring at the window. Willing him to come home and walk past it and to the front door. "Hey, it'll be ok." Sadie told me, resting her hand over mine.

"Sadie, he's been gone for three hours, eleven minutes, and forty-eight seconds." Tears started to fill up in my eyes as I recounted the exact time. "I really messed up." My voice shook as I said the words aloud. The words I'd been thinking for the last three hours, willing harder for Tommy to walk through that door so I could at least see that he was ok and nothing bad happened to him…again.

"Hey, Kwest is out looking for him and I know Tommy will come home when he's ready." I shook my head negatively in response to Sadie's words. I wished that was true. Deep down, I might have known it, but the harm was done. I screwed up big time and I had no idea how to fix it. How to make it up to him. What to do about this. How could I apologize for implying he was a horrible husband and father? How do we come back from that?

"I want to believe it Sades." I said, tears threatening to fall down my cheeks again. "I really do but…"

"But what, Sweetie?" Sadie asked, shifting a bit to wrap an arm around me and pull me to her. Her hand automatically going up to stroke my hair in comfort.

"I don't know Sades. I can't help but think that something's wrong with _me_." A couple tears escaped the prison of my eyes and began to trail slowly down my cheeks. "I really messed up."

"Jude –"

"You didn't see him, Sadie." I continued, not letting my sister continue with her words. "He looked so…so defeated, Sades. I've never seen him, anyone, look that…that empty. Sadie." I took a shaky breath, trying to control my emotions, to forget that haunted look in his eyes when he left. "I just…I don't know if it can be fixed."

"Jude, honey, you and Tommy are both under a lot of stress right now," She said, softly, comfortingly and I shook my head. It wasn't just stress.

"Sadie,"

"No, Jude, you two need to _talk_." She told me sternly. "That's always been a problem with the two of you. You don't talk when the little things happen and then it builds up until…" She gestured, with her hands when the right word failed her to explain this situation.

"Disaster happens?" I offered. Sadie shrugged. I sighed in response, thinking about what she just told me a moment before I answered her. "I don't know what to do Sadie. How can I fix this?"

"You can't." Sadie told me and I jerked away from her, looking her straight in the eyes. "You can't fix this, Jude. He's hurt, you're hurt, it doesn't just go away, you know that." Sadie further explained and I groaned and leaned back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "But you _apologize_, Jude. You apologize to him for being an insensitive bitch and then you both talk about how you _feel_."

"I don't think it'll be that simple Sadie."

"Hey, since when has big sis steered you wrong?" She asked me and I looked up at her, my eyebrows raised. She grinned mischievously back at me. "OK, maybe a time or two, but seriously, Jude. Talk to him. Tell him why you've been acting like a crazy person and tell him how much you love him; how much you _need _him and you listen to him and what he feels."

"I just wish that it would work, Sadie. I really do, but…he doesn't want to talk to me. I ask him what's wrong and he all but lies to me. I know there's something wrong that he's not telling me. I just don't know what it is."

"Maybe he's not honest with you because you're not with him."

I sighed in response and closed my eyes a moment, trying to figure this out; to pin point where it went wrong for us…again. We were so happy the night of our date and the days before it. I was happy when I found him again. More ecstatic when he decided to figure out who he was. I was on air when he kissed me for the first time since the accident. I was in heaven during our date. And then…I shook my head, my eyes burning my closed eyes. Maybe it's too late for us this time. I thought and hated myself the instant the through finished. I could feel Sadie stroking my hair and hear her whispered "It's gonna be ok". I just wished I could believe her words.

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I had long since lost track of time. For awhile, I just walked, pouring out my anger and hurt on the sidewalk through my feet. Once the anger faded, my mind began to wander to analyze what was going on, and I found that I was clueless. I knew I was hurt by Jude's words. I thought we…I was doing ok. That things weren't bad. But I was wrong, if this afternoon was any inclination of that. One thing I did conclude during the walk was that life as Jason Michaels was a lot less complicated than Thomas Quincy's. I sighed heavily and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans, continuing to walk, trying to sort out what was going on with me and Jude. And more importantly, myself.

"Jason!" I froze in place and I swear my heart stopped. "Jason!" I heard someone rushing up behind me and I turned, only to see my suspicion confirmed. It was Jessica. The woman who, apparently, ruined my life. I watched wearily as she came up in front of me, she was panting slightly from her excursion to catch up with me, but she was grinning at me, her smile wide and radiant and her eyes sparkling. She was pretty, but she wasn't Jude.

"Jessica," I said tersely, trying to stay pleasant and scrambling my brain to try and come up with a reason to leave. A place to get away from her.

"Hi," She said, beaming at me, and I gave her a small smile.

"Hey."

"I…how've you been Jas?"

"Jessica, it's Tommy." I told her, annoyed. She rolled her eyes in response. "Look, Jessica, I"

"I've missed you." She said, reaching out and touching my hand, trying to take it in hers. I tensed and pulled my hand away as if it was burned. She looked hurt and I found I didn't care. "Jason, I"

"Tommy!" I turned my head to see Kwest rushing over to me. I almost collapsed in relief. There was my out. I turned back around and saw that Jessica was gone. I frowned and glanced around the street but I didn't see her. Did I really see her? I wondered. I heard Kwest come up behind me and I sighed before turning to look at my friend. "Hey, Man." He greeted and I found myself smiling in response.

"Hey," I said, glancing over my shoulder one last time to see if I saw her or not.

"How's it going?" Kwest asked me and I sighed and turned to face him. I shrugged in response, my brain still scrambling to figure out if Jessica was really there. "Sadie's over with Jude." He told me, looking somber and I sighed again.

"That's good, I guess." I said, shoving my hands back in my pockets.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked me and I shrugged in response. Kwest clamped a hand on my shoulder and steered me down the sidewalk again. We walked in silence for a long time; me looking at the sidewalk just before my feet and I could feel Kwest's eyes studying me as we walked.

"Jude and I had a fight." I stated.

"I gathered that. You ok?" He asked me and I sighed.

"I don't know." I said honestly, looking up from the sidewalk and straight ahead. "I've been trying to figure it out; to figure out exactly what happened, but I can't. I just don't see what went wrong."

"Maybe nothing did." Kwest offered and I looked over at him in confusion.

"People don't fight for no reason, Kwest." I stated and he laughed at me and I continued to stare at him. What the hell was so funny?

"Tom, sometimes, people don't need a reason." He stated cryptically. I waited for him to continue but he just raised his eyebrows at me, a sign that he wasn't going to offer anything more.

"You realize that that makes no sense."

"Yep." He said with a slight smirk on his face and I continue to stare at him, trying to figure out his words. "Look, Tom…" He paused a moment and I waited for him to continue. "It took…a long time for you and Jude to get where you are." He stated.

"I know that, Kwest."

"Not really," he said, his eyes sympathetic. "Tommy and Jude 101 includes a hell of a lot of fighting. You two used to rip out each other's throats for so much as a dirty look in the beginning. You two…you love each other as much as you hate each other. Or at least…used to."

"Are you saying this is normal?"

"Sort of."

"Kwest?"

"Yeah?"

"You're insane." I stated and he laughed, punching me lightly in the shoulder.

"Hate to break it to ya, but so are you." I grinned back and Kwest shook his head. "You ok?" He asked and I sighed.

"I guess…"

"Try to sound more enthusiastic next time." Kwest stated with a wink and I rolled my eyes in response. "You ready to go back?" Kwest asked me and I sighed.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I answered and Kwest gave me a reassuring smile.

"Hey, it'll work out." He told me and I nodded half heartedly. Kwest tilted his head to indicate to follow him over to his car. I did so and we walked in silence, my heart beginning to pound harder in fear of what was to come.

-------------

Kwest pulled up to the house and cut the engine. I sat still in the passenger seat, staring at the house for a long moment. Kwest was staring at me, waiting for me to make the first move. I closed my eyes and blew out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. I reached for the handle and opened the car door. Kwest got out on the other side as I was pulling myself out of the car. I didn't want to come back and face this. I didn't want her to confirm her earlier insinuations that I was a bad father to our daughter. I wanted to run away and pretend this never happened. But I knew I couldn't do that, no matter how much I wanted to. I followed Kwest up to the house, my feet feeling like lead weights. Kwest was waiting for me on the porch in the time it took me to make it half way down the side walk leading to the porch.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to finish the distance to the house, berating myself for feeling so stupid about this whole thing. I was about to open the door when the door opened and Bri stood in the doorway. I stared at my daughter for a moment and opened my mouth to scold her for opening the door when she threw herself at my legs and wrapped her arms tightly around them, burying her face in my thigh. I couldn't help but smile and pull her away so I could pick her up in my arms. Bri wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me again, almost to the point of choking. I couldn't help but smile by the welcome I got from my little girl. I saw Kwest walk into the house out of the corner of my eye and I walked in behind him and closed the door softly behind me. Briana loosened her grip to stare back at me.

"Daddy, I love you." She told me and I swear my heart melted.

"I love you too, Briana." I told her, kissing the top of her head. I looked back at my little girl and saw her eyes still looked troubled. I frowned.

"Bri?" I asked her.

"Daddy…do you…do you still love Mommy?" She asked, her voice quiet and unsure, as if she were afraid of the answer. I stared at her for a long time, unable to fathom where her question came from. The question itself broke my heart. I couldn't see where she got the idea that I didn't love Jude from.

"I'll always love Mommy." I answered automatically. The words seemed so natural to me and came out without a second thought. And in that moment, I realized that they were the truth. I did love her. I was lost without her.

Briana beamed at me and threw her arms around me again. I hugged her close and heard someone in the room. I glanced up with my eyes and saw Sadie, Kwest, and Jude watching us. I panicked slightly, wondering how much they heard and then realized, it didn't matter. I did love Jude. I always did, from what I was told, and I think a part of me knew that. Remembered it, even when nothing else could be remembered.

"I, um…we should go." Sadie said, looking like she was trying not to cry. Jude nodded and she and Kwest said bye. Sadie and Kwest both gave Bri a kiss on the cheek and they were gone, leaving me and Jude staring at each other and Briana gripping my neck in a hug turned to a choke hold.

"Hey," I said, breaking the silence and Jude continued to stare back at me and as I watched her, I noticed a couple tears falling down her face.

"Hey," She said, smiling sadly at me. I turned my head to Bri and whispered in her ear. She leaned back and grinned happily and squirmed out of my arms. I almost dropped her as I set her back down and she ran upstairs happily. Jude looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I told her if she would be good, she could watch a movie upstairs." Jude nodded and silence stretched between us. I sighed.

"Jude"

"Did you mean it?" She asked me, her voice breaking slightly. I frowned a moment, trying to figure out what she was referring to. "Did you mean it?" She asked again, coming closer to me and I realized what she meant.

"Of course, Jude." I told her, walking over to her and looking into her eyes. "I love you. I think I always knew that." She smiled at me for a moment and nodded. Silence stretched between us and I wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm sorry." We both ended up blurting out.

Jude and I stared at each other for a long moment before we both laughed. She turned serious and I stopped laughing and tried to squish my mirth, but I was happy. I loved Jude. My Wife.

"Tommy, I…you'll never know how sorry I am about earlier." She told me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it reassuringly.

"I know you are, Jude." I said giving her a small smile. "I'm sorry I walked out." She shook her head.

"You shouldn't be." She stated, stubbornly. "I … I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have. And…I didn't mean it"

"Jude?" I interrupted

"Yeah?" She asked, tears still filling her eyes.

"You never said it." I told her and she stared at me in confusion. "Do you love me?" I asked her.

"Always." She answered and I smiled. I closed the space between us by pulling her closer to me. She wrapped her arms around me and I steadied her by wrapping an arm around her small waist. Before I had a conscious thought of it, I bent my head down and captured her lips in mine. Jude responded and I thought I died and went to heaven. Kwest's earlier words suddenly made sense to me and I knew now that we'd be ok. That we'd make it. Together.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: **Alright everyone, here's another update! This one is a bit shorter than the norm, but it works for what I need it for. Future chapters will be a bit longer in length. Glad you all seem to be enjoying the fic. I'm excited for the ending of this to unravel. It's been in my head for so long, I can't wait to find out how you all think about it...even though it's another 10-15 chapters away! LOL! Anyway, even though it's a short one, I hope it's still a good one for ya. OH, another note, I opted not to beta this one. So if things seem kinda weird or misspelled or wrote grammatically odd...that's why. I apologize. I handwrote (GASP) the chapter in my classes thursday and typed it up today so...yeah. I didn't deem it necessary to bug FMB to look at it. Hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 29**

The next couple of days were a blur. Jude and I were on better terms; the broken lines of communications seemed to have been mended. Things were better between us and both of us were getting to be happy again.

I was standing by the sink in the kitchen, rubbing my throbbing temples. The memories…hallucinations…whatever it was they were seemed to be getting more frequent, and the headaches skull splitting. I closed my eyes and took a couple deep breathes, trying to get the pounding in my head to subside.

I winced as the shrill ringing of my cell cut through the silence of the house. I sighed and answered the damned thing before it succeeded in making the jackhammer in my head worst.

"Hello?"

"Jason?" My heart stopped and eyes widened, even the jackhammer seemed to have stopped – or I just didn't notice it anymore. "Jas?" She asked again and I took a calming breathe and snapped myself out of my funk.

"It's not Jason, Jessica, you know that."

"Don't be like that Jase." She pleaded and I could feel my jaw clench and eyes close in irritation.

"What do you want?" I asked her.

"I miss you," She whined. "I want to see you."

"I don't think that's a good idea." I stated automatically.

"Please Jase?" She asked, her voice pleading with me. I closed my eyes, remembering a time not so long ago when that voice would have made me drop anything to rush to her side. Now…it just annoyed me. It was strange how quickly things could change.

"I made it clear that I don't feel the same way about you."

"Jase, please, let me explain"

"We're done, Jessica. You call me again and I'll have you listed as a stalker." I snapped before closing my phone and setting it down on the counter, scowling at it a moment before the headache started to make itself known again. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn't want to see her. I knew that much, but the part of me that remembers being her Jason wanted to. It's better this way, I told myself. I didn't need to rehash that again. I was done with the drama that's Jessica and Jason and was focusing on my real life as Tom Quincy; that much I was sure of.

"Hey!" I looked up and saw Jude walk into the room, grinning, her face lighting up the room.

"What are you doing home?" I asked as she stopped infront of me and kissed my cheek.

"Nothing to do at the studio," She said with a shrug and a grin. "So I figured I'd come home and be with my wonderful husband." She said, leaning forward and kissing me.

"Lucky bastard," I murmured and I could feel her smile as she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and deepened the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her slender waist and pulled her closer to me.

"Oh!" Jude exclaimed as she pulled away from the kiss, much too soon for my liking "Who was on the phone?" She asked.

"Wrong number." I stated and immediately felt guilty. I didn't want her to worry about Jessica but I didn't want to lie to her either. Jude seemed satisfied with the answer and changed the subject before I could correct myself.

"So I was thinking," She started to say, breaking out of my embrace and picking things up around the kitchen. "That I could call Kat and Jamie and have them watch Bri for the night and we could go out with just us or with Kwest and Sadie…" She trailed off as she looked over her shoulder at me and I nodded my agreement, watching her busy herself. "I thought it'd be nice to do something just"

"I have a confession." I blurted out and Jude stopped and automatically turned around to face me, her expression turning from happy Jude to worry Jude.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her eyes locking onto mine as she searched for some indication of what I was about to say.

"I…" Say it, I scolded myself. "I…I love it when you skip out of work." Chicken, I chided myself. Jude beamed proudly and walked across the room and wrapped her arms around me, obviously happy with what I told her.

"I love you," She said and I could hear the happiness in her voice. I returned the embrace, hating myself for not saying what was on my mind. Jessica called. I've been experiencing mild delusions and they seem to be getting worst. It's not that hard. Instead of speaking the truth, telling her what was really on my mind, I took the easy way out. "I love you too," I told her and she just grinned happily at me and I forced a smile. Jude kissed me quickly before stepping away from me, talking about how she was going to call Kat and Jamie and see if they'd watch Bri so we could go out tonight. I just nodded my agreement, trying to figure out why I couldn't tell her.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** OK, so I haven't had time to type, but I've had time to write…when I'm pretended to note take in my business class… shifts eyes. Anyway, I'm sorry this has taken forever to get from my pen/pencil and notebook, to the word document and to ff.n, but I do what I can. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I still don't know if I like it, but it needs to be done and I have no idea how else to do it. Hope you enjoy! As always, I look forward to your reviews!

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Chapter 30**

"Bri! No running in the street!" Jude yelled and I watched as our five-year-old daughter froze at the end of the driveway before turning around and giving her mom and I the most innocent smile she could muster before running in the opposite direction. I could feel a smile beginning to tug at the corners of my mouth and managed to contain the laughter I wanted to release.

"Don't encourage her." Jude scolded me and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Jude and I were currently sitting on the porch swing, watching Bri as she ran around the front yard, pretending she was a horse…Black Beauty, I think…if I remember right.

"I didn't say anything!" I argued and Jude raised an eyebrow at me.

"It's not what you say, it's what you do," She told me, teasingly and I sighed. It wasn't a battle worth fighting, not that she set it up to be.

"Sorry," I said, making sure my voice sounded sincere and she nodded her acknowledgement and we were silent for a moment as Bri let out an ear-splitting whinny (which sounded more like a scream than a horse) and resumed "galloping" around the yard. I looked over at Jude and couldn't help but laugh. She grinned, and shook her head.

"So…"

"So?"

"So, are you going to tell me what's up?" Jude asked, changing the subject and I found myself scrambling my brain to figure out what she was talking out.

"What?"

"You've been…jumpy…lately." She stated. "I just…is everything ok?" She asked me and I sighed. I knew what she was talking about; I just had hoped she didn't notice.

"It's nothing, really, but…" I trailed off as a car pulled up before our house. Jude frowned and her head turning and looking to see where Bri was and I found myself trying to place where I had seen that car before. I watched as the door opened and the driver got out and my blood ran cold. I heard Jude suck in a breath next to me and I was frozen. Briana even stopped her galloping to stare at Jessica as she rushed across the yard to us…me.

"What the…" Jude took a deep breath. "What are _you_ doing here?" She demanded, her voice laced with anger. Jessica just glanced nervously at Jude and then her eyes settled on me.

"Jason, I"

"You're not welcome here, Jessica." I told her sternly, and she winced, probably by the harshness of my tone, but I couldn't care less how she felt. I didn't want her here. I didn't want her calling me. I didn't want to see her. I wanted nothing to do with her and she didn't seem to get that.

"I wanted to talk to you." She whined.

"How you kidnapped my husband and led his whole family and friends to believe he was dead? How you convinced him he was yours through some sick, twisted delusion of yours? Please, do explain." Jude hissed.

Jessica just stared at Jude a long moment, an appalled expression on her face and I tried to scramble something together to get her gone and Jude to not murder her. That was the last thing we needed…a murder.

"Is that what she's been telling you?" Jessica whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "Jas.."

"Don't call me that."

"She's filling your head with lies." Jessica said, her eyes whelling up with tears and I didn't know whether I should feel sorry for her or afraid. Jude scoffed beside me and I looked over at her, taking in the firey glare, clenched jaw and fists and found myself relieved not to be on the receiving end of that fury. She reminded me of one of those tigers locked up in the zoo, pacing back and forth, waiting for the moment it could strike.

"I told you not to come here." I told her and she rolled her eyes.

"You won't answer my calls, how else can I" Jessica stopped as Bri ran over and smushed herself between Jude and Jessica. Jude grabbed Briana's arm and pulled her close.

"Mommy, who's the pwetty lady?" Bri attempted to whisper. Jude seemed at a loss what to tell her.

"She's"

"A friend." Jessica interrupted, smiling sweetly at Bri and Bri nodded.

"I'm Bri," Briana said proudly. "and I'm" she paused as she counted her fingers before holding up five digits "this many!" She said, beaming happily, oblivious to the tension around her.

"Wow!" Jessica said and Bri nodded enthusiastically.

"Bri, time to go inside." Jude said, pulling Briana back.

"But Mommy, I wanna talk to the nice lady." Briana whined and Jude closed her eyes and I winced.

"It's almost bed time," Jude insisted, tugging on Bri's hand and shooting me a look, telling me to get rid of Jessica before leading our daughter inside and closing the front door behind them, a little too hard but not quiet a slam. I winced again.

"Jas, please"

"Jessica, I told you to leave me alone. I told you not to contact me."

"I came to see you, I didn't call you." She pointed out and I raised a hand to my temples and pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache.

"Just…go." I told her tiredly. "I don't want to see you."

"Please, let me explain…"

"Jessica, we have different ideas about what happened. I just want to get on with my life." She looked down at her feet, and I knew she was crying, and I found I couldn't care less.

"Jason, please, I…I can't get on with mine without you."

"You don't leave, I'm going to go inside and call the police." I told her and she looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy, tears falling freely down her face. She nodded and turned, walking down the side walk and to her car. I watched her get in and drive off before I went back inside.

"Tommy," Jude said, sounding tired as she walked down the stairs.

"Jude, I had no idea"

"I don't want to fight, but Tommy, I want to make this clear, I don't want her around here. Especially when Bri's around."

"Jude, I didn't know she'd do that." I told her and she nodded and sighed. She walked over to me and I pulled her to me. "I don't want to see her again, you know." I told her and she nodded.

"I know, it's just…" Jude shook her head. "I see her and I swear I want to kill her. I want to rip her apart and…" She took a shuddering breath. "But I can't, and not because killing is bad, but because I remember how I felt when I thought you were dead, and I wouldn't wish that for her family." Jude said, wrapping her arms tighter around me. "I wouldn't wish that on even her." I tightened my grip around her and she looked up at me. "But Tommy, something needs to be done about her. If she's calling you and bugging you all the time"

"I know, I'm going to have her officially listed as a stalker and see about getting a restraining order. I don't want her around here either." I told her and Jude nodded, laying her head back on my shoulder.

"Is that what's been bothering you all week?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I just…I didn't want you to worry about her. I didn't think she'd go this far." I told her and Jude sighed raised her head again.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" Jude asked and I nodded. "I hate it when you hide things from me." She told me honestly and I sighed.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "I really am, I just…you've had so much else to worry about, I didn't want to add to your plate." She nodded and sighed. "Jude, you…" I took a deep breath. "You know that I"

"Mommy? Daddy?" I winced as Jude turned and I looked up at our daughter standing on top of the stairs. Jude had already gotten her in her pajamas. "Did the pretty lady go?" Bri asked and Jude clenched her jaw.

"Yeah, Bri, she left." I told her and Briana looked disappointed.

"I wanted her to read me a story." Bri said, sounding as disappointed as she looked. Jude glanced over at me and I winced again.

"Sorry Bri, but she left." I told her, walking up the stairs to her. "But ya know what?"

"What?"

"How about mommy and me read you a story?" I asked and Bri looked contemplative – or at least, as contemplative as a five year old could look – for a long moment before shaking her head. "No!"

"Nu-uh. Sing." She said, smiling happily and I glanced back at Jude, feeling a little panicked. I hadn't sung since that day in the studio when I was playing around with the guitar; let alone singing to my daughter. I didn't even know if I _knew_ any songs she'd want to hear.

"You drive a hard bargain," Jude said, coming up the stairs behind me. Bri crossed her arms and nodded her head. "I don't know…" Jude said, winking at me and Bri pouted.

"Pweeeeese!"

"What do you think Tommy?"

"I…uh"

"Pweeeeseee!" Bri begged, holding her arms up like she was praying and I couldn't help but smile.

"OK." I said and She squealed happily. I couldn't help but laugh at her as she grabbed mine and Jude's hands and practically dragged us to her room. Briana hopped up on her bed and got herself comfortable before pointed at the guitar in the corner of the room. I glanced over at Jude as she picked it up and pulled over a chair and sat down in it, strumming a few notes before stopping. Briana grinned at us as practically burst waiting for us to sing. Jude looked at me and smiled before she started strumming a little tune, a song I knew because Briana watched the movie almost everyday: "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, our drama with Jessica becoming just a background problem as we sang the song together.


	33. Just an AN

Just an Author Note, no plot this time

Just an Author Note, no plot this time. Unfortunately, while I have many ideas for this story, I guess I just lost the writing bug when it comes to Instant Star. I'm currently working on my own original novel with my best friend – definitely nothing like the Instant Star fics I've wrote thus far. It's a separate genre, probably best compared to a Twilight-esk fic.

Anyway, point of the post, I'm just not in the mindset. Every time I sit down to work on it, it just all comes out wrong. Maybe because I'm thinking like Adriana and Marlee – the main characters in my original – and not Jude and Tommy. It frustrates me sometimes because I love where this fic was going. I guess I got stuck with too many fillers in a row or something, I don't know. But I'm stuck. My IS muse flew out the window and the finale made me mad. I just can't think Jommy when I hate Jude for breaking Tommy's heart. As I sigh heavily, maybe taking a short hiatus will be beneficial (though I guess it was already on an unofficial one).

I'm half tempted to post the outline I have drawn up so far; that way you all can see where I was going. The other half of me thinks maybe I'll get inspired eventually. Maybe seeing your begs and pleads will get me wanting to write to it again; maybe to relook at the outline and fix up the filler I've been forcing out and just skip it all together. I don't know; I just…I don't know if I'll ever finish it. I don't want to post anything that's not "in character"; I'll end up hating it later. Knowing me though, I'll get a couple people begging for more or something and I'll want to write more. Hopefully I'll be back again but I won't promise anything.

Maybe soon, you guys will be able to read my original – straight from the bookstore shelves!! My Co-Author and I are working hard at it so hopefully we'll accomplish a shared life-long dream (ok 21-odd years – our ages but still) and be published.

Until then, with a heavy heart, I put Black Sunday – again – on an official hiatus.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** Inspiration always comes at the weirdest times. I'm sure many of you – who are also authors – have experienced the weird moment of sudden "ah-ha!"! I once got inspired while I was reading the ingredients to a recipe, trying to decide if I had all the ingredients because I really didn't feel like running down to the store. Today's bought of inspiration was probably one of the strangest…or at least the order of things. I got home from work and all week…well for the last two days, I've been avoiding my "ffn" email. I didn't want to see the reviews and what people were saying about the sudden hiatus and thus was already cranky because I knew some of my favorite stories were probably updated and I couldn't read them because I know seeing your reviews would make me pull out the outline and end up throwing my laptop into the wall in frustration (and we all can guess how that would NOT help the lack-of-muse problem). So I get home from work, go to my sister's alteration appointment for her wedding gown, come home and start cleaning my room – trying to release some of my frustration. I turn on my stereo, not sure what cd's in the player and start going through shit I probably should have thrown out a long time ago but the pack rat inside me says "you'll need it; you'll regret doing that" or the object holds "sentimental value" and have long since forgotten why. So while I'm forcing myself to throw this shit out, my cd player starts playing my Cold cd – the one I listen to when I'm working and/or plotting on this stupid story. So I start feeling frustrated when it comes on, but I let it go. I mean, who can't love Remedy, Cure My Tragedy, Stupid Girl….practically the whole Year of the Spider CD? So I let it go and I'm tossing out these notebooks I've had since Junior High when I stumble upon one that's written on the cover with black magic marker "BSPS" (my acronym for Black Sunday Plot Summary; where all my original ideas were wrote out – scenes, ideas, the original outline, notes from CMT, ect. Everything I needed to start working on BS). Curiosity hits me. I mean, how close did I get to the original idea? I know I had thrown out some ideas along the way and I wanted to know how far off the mark I got. Surprisingly, I did pretty good but that's beside the point. I get to the idea for chapter 31 (originally like chapter 12 or something) and I start glaring at the damn thing because, alas, that is the bane of my existence since…however long it's been since I've updated. Try as I might, I can't write the damn scene the way it is in my head. Add to the fact I wasn't inspired and then by the time I got into the IS groove, it was over and the writers killed one of my favorite ships ever, I wasn't in the best mindset to write IS stuff. I start thinking about the plot, reviewing some of the older stuff, trying to figure out how to make it work but I can't seem to get it right. Even in my head I know it won't go on paper the way I envision it – no matter how much I down played it or changed it around a little bit. Frustrated, I end up throwing the notebook across the room where – I am not making this up – the notebook hits the stereo just right that it changes the song from Change the World to Black Sunday. I end up glaring at the damn notebook for a good few minutes, cursing it out for being a demon and "taunting me" (seriously, it was getting colorful for awhile) when I get up and march over to the stereo and go to switch cd's when…it hits me. How I can do what I want without doing it…if that makes sense. How to "fix" the anti-climatic turn this story has suddenly gotten with too many filler chapters in a row because I thought it "needed it" to make the drama "that more dramatic" when all it really did was frustrate the hell out of me and wander too far off the mark. As much as I'd love to go back and delete a few chapters and/or start over, what's done is done and – based off the reviews – you guys seem to like it so I guess I'll leave it be because, let's be honest here, I probably will end up losing interest if I start rewriting from like chapter 10 or something on. I literally put the Cold CD on repeat, ran downstairs, grabbed my laptop and now am sitting here, listening to my "inspiration cd" and writing to chapter…31? And actually getting something accomplished. I seriously hope you guys enjoy this, because I'm feeling better about this story by the moment. So I will promise, I'm going to iron out this fic; I'm going to finish it even if it kills me. This one is most likely going to be my "farewell fic" to Instant Star. I want to go out with a bang…so to speak. So…I guess this was my very longwinded way of saying…I'm back! … Or maybe my muse is back…take it as you will and let's hope I actually am able to finish this sucker because…I got plans, big plans. Plans I think you're all going to love to hate. :D BTW: do I win an award for longest A/N ever??

_**Previously: **Since it's been awhile. I thought I'd sum up the last chapter – for those of you who haven't read it recently. Last chapter picked up with a "nice quiet evening" at the Quincy household. Peace was broken when Jessica, who had been phone-stalking Tommy, stopped by unannounced. Jessica pleased with "Jason" (AKA: Tommy) to return with her. To not listen to Jude's "lies". Tommy ended up kicking her out and he and Jude discussed how she's being a problem and Jude wants her away from her family. Tommy agrees. We left off with our "happy" couple singing Briana to sleep._

* * *

**Chapter 31**

"So, the psychotic bitch shows up. At your _house_?!" Kat exclaimed, her eyes wide as she practically screeched. I bit into my lip and nodded, trying hard not to get worked up along with Kat. "What did she say? What did Tommy say? What did you"

"Kat, calm down. She was rambling on and on about how I was 'filling his head with lies'." I rolled my eyes as I quoted Jessica, feeling my stomach churn a bit as I remembered the sincere look in her eyes. She really believed it. I shuddered. "Anyway, Tommy told her to leave and I guess she finally did." Kat nodded, looking pleased, but confused at the same time.

"That was it? She just…left?"

"Tommy called the police after to report her as a stalker or whatever. He's supposed to be down there talking to them and filling out paperwork or whatever." I said with a sigh, feeling a headache start to come to me. This whole thing was a mess. I just wanted my life back. It was beginning to think it was too much to ask. Maybe it was, I thought. Maybe we just weren't meant to be.

"Well, good, at least that bitch will get something coming to her." Kat muttered and I nodded in half-hearted agreement. Somehow, a restraining order didn't seem like enough to me. It wasn't going to give my husband his memory back, it wasn't going to fix my family. "You ok?" Kat asked me, her eyes growing concerned.

"I just…I swear Kat, I've never hated anyone more than I hate that woman. I just…" I took a deep breath. "I just feel like…"

"Like she should suffer like you did?"

"No, not even that," I paused, trying to find the right words to explain how I was feeling. "I…I just can't explain it right. I wouldn't wish what happened to me and Tommy on anyone. I just….it feels like she did all this and…" I shook my head. "I don't know, I can't explain it right."

"I think I get where you're coming sweetie. She stole your husband from you; made you believe he was dead. Anyone would feel mixed feelings." I just closed my eyes in response. Kat took my response for something else because she immediately began to apologize." Jude, I didn't"

"No, Kat, it's just…" I sighed. "Part of me wants to kill her, strangle her….no, more like rip her apart, atom by atom and throw her into…into…whatever it was that destroys molecules and…" I took a deep breath. "But as much as I want to, it's not going to change the fact that Tommy doesn't remember; that I thought he was dead for three years. I mean, Tommy says he's getting flashes, snippets really, but nothing solid. It's just so…so damn frustrating!"

Kat gave me a look of sympathy and I closed my eyes again. She wrapped an arm around me and I tried hard not to cry. I didn't want to cry again. I was all cried out for this life.

"I'm so sorry sweeties," Kat said, her voice soft. "I know this is rough for you and I know no one could ever possibly imagine what you've gone through, but do you want to ruin your second chance by dwelling on Jessica?" Kat asked me, carefully, like she was afraid I was going to scream at her.

"You're right," I admitted, opening my eyes. "I know you're right, but it's…it's just hard."

"Maybe you're making it harder than it needs to be." Kat suggested with a shrug. "You love him, he loves you, you have a beautiful home, a great job, the cutest daughter ever…" I couldn't help but smile at the mention of Bri. I loved my little girl with everything I had.

"Sometimes Kat, I'm not so sure." I whispered and Kat looked at me in confusion. "Does he love me?"

"Jude," Kat said, her tone sounding like we were talking about how obvious it was the sky was blue, "of course he does."

"Sometimes, I'm just not sure." I told her. "One time it feels like nothing's happened. And the next moment…it's like we're total strangers."

"Jude, he gave up another life for _you._ For Bri." Kat pointed out. "He still looks at you like you're the only woman in the world." Kat's voice was firm but tinged a little with envy. I know she was right. Deep down, I knew we were the only ones for each other. "Jude, have you told him how you feel?" Kat asked.

"Of course, Kat, he knows that I"

"Jude, have you told _him_ you love him, not…not…past Tommy?" Kat asked and I gave her a questioning look. "Have you ever looked him in the eyes and said 'I love you you big hunk of burning love, even if you don't remember all our hot passionate sex'?" Kat asked and I raised an eye brow at her. I would never tell Tommy that. I could tell by her tone of voice she was joking, slightly, but I got her message.

"I…I think I see where you're getting."

"Maybe he thinks you're in love with who he used to be." Kat stated more clearly and realization hit me hard. Kat was right. Maybe I was the problem in this relationship. I licked my lips in thought and looked over at Kat.

"I gatta go." I told her and Kat smiled as I leapt off the couch and grabbed my purse, rushing around the house to find my shoes and ran towards the door.

"CALL ME!" Kat called as I opened the door and slammed it shut. I was determined to get home and let Tommy know how much I loved him. We were going to settle this, tonight. We were going to hash everything out and I was going to let him know that memory or not, he was my life; my air; my world. I was a million times happier than I had been in years and I wasn't about to give it up because I was being stupid.

I never made the trip cross town so fast in my life. I drove quickly, but safely, back home. I wanted to get a start on fixing what was left of my marriage. I was going to get my husband back; it didn't matter if he remembered the past; only that he still wanted me. I parked the car in the garage, jumped out and rushed into the house, noting how the door was unlocked. Tommy must have beaten me home.

"Tommy?" I called, walking through the house trying to figure out where he was. The house was oddly quiet and I frowned. Maybe I had just forgotten to lock the door when I had left…I sighed and wandered into the kitchen. Better figure out dinner, I figured when I rounded the corner and froze in my tracks, eyes wide. It seemed like the world had stopped and I was frozen in place. I knew I needed to get to a phone, to call for help but I couldn't get myself to move. My eyes were locked on my husband, lying on the floor, his body convulsing in what looked to be a seizure. I blinked, slowly and suddenly, the world moved again. I ran over to him, holding his head in my hands like I had seen on TV. I tried keeping his head still as I grabbed my cell and dialed frantically, my hands shaking so hard I almost dropped the phone six times.

"911 emergency-"

"I…I need help…"

"Calm down ma'am." The woman spoke softly, and I knew she was trying to help but I was about to go hysterical. Tommy was having a seizure and this woman was telling me to calm down!

"My husband…Tommy….I think…I think he's having a s-s-eizure." I managed to spit out, my voice cracking. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I…this couldn't be happening.

"I'm sending an ambulance, ma'am. Can you tell me how long?" She asked kindly, softly, her voice calm and polite and I felt like my world was ending.

"I…I don't know. I just got home and found him…"

"It's ok Ma'am." She assured me. I wanted to say no, it wasn't going to be ok but I couldn't get my voice to work. My throat had closed up and I couldn't form a sound, let alone a sentence.

It felt like an eternity but only minutes had passed by the time I could hear the sirens. Time seemed to go faster as the lady from 911 hung up with me. The paramedics checked Tommy's vitals, the seizure seemed to have stopped, and loaded him onto a stretcher. I remember being asked if I wanted to come. I don't remember how I did it, but I managed to walk out of the house and into the back of the ambulance. I was numb. I could feel my body shaking. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I remember closing my eyes and praying to God for the countless time that everything would be ok. I don't remember much of the ride. I remember the paramedics asking me questions and I could I couldn't answer them. I couldn't think. I knew they were things I knew but…I couldn't remember. I panicked. They stopped asking questions. Before we knew it, we were at the hospital and I was told to sit in the waiting room. A nurse handed me a clip board and I stared at the information, my mind blank. As I stared at the empty lines, the paper started to get wet. I couldn't figure out for the longest time where the water was coming from. It wasn't until the soft sob escaped my throat that I realized I was crying. I dropped the clipboard and buried my face in my hands and cried.

_I can't lose him_, I thought. _I can't_.

I moved my hands off my face and leaned my head back, keeping my eyes closed, trying to catch my breath when the world started to tip slightly. I opened my eyes and the edges of my vision got blurry. I blinked a couple times, trying to get my eyes to focus. The blurriness closed in, making my vision narrower before blackness filled my eyes and I felt nothing.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **I swear you all probably think I was lying about having this whole fic worked out and I'll have it done ASAP. Heh. Well…my sister got married last weekend. I got so incredibly busy with wedding prep work that I haven't had a moment to work on this or my original (which I don't feel bad about because my co-writer is slacking more than I am). Anyway, I want to say I hope to be done with this before September 24, 2008. Why you may ask? That's the date my fall semester begins and I know I'll never be able to work on it until winter break. Not too many chapters left, but they're all biggies and packed full of drama, romance, and resolution. I hope you all enjoy!!

* * *

**Chapter 32**

"…she?" A female voice asked. It sounded familiar but I couldn't place the name with the voice. I was floating. I was surrounded by darkness; not scary darkness, but comfortable darkness that made me feel happy, content. I felt nothing. I briefly wondered if this is what suspended animation felt like; a concept I had been amazed with through various comic books and cartoons in my childhood.

"Your sister is fine, Ms. Harrison," A second voice said. It was warm, comforting, and carried an authority with it not too many people can manage. "Simply put, your sister collapsed from stress. The brain sometimes has a mind of its own. It decided Jude needed to rest and it needed to process things."

"When will she wake up?"

"It's hard to say. Probably within the next hour or two."

Silence filled the room and I thought I was left alone. That was fine with me. I liked it here, in the darkness. It was calm, peaceful.

"Jude," The female voice said. Through the fog of my brain, I could feel something touch my hand. I looked down, but nothing seemed to be touching me.

"Jude," The voice said again, more insistent.

I wanted to say leave me alone, but my voice wouldn't work. I felt a bit of panic wash over me. My voice…did the darkness steal it?

"Come on honey, it's time to wake up," The voice said again. I felt a stronger pressure on my hand and suddenly, the darkness was gone and I was surrounded in a world of Technicolor. Though the white burned my eyes, I couldn't look away. It was beautiful, the color. More so than the blanket of darkness that had stolen my eyes, my voice.

"Jude?"

I blinked and turned my head, my eyes landing on the concerned face my of sister's.

"Sadie?" I croaked and winced at the sound of my voice. I watched as the relief flooded my sister's features as she turned slightly away from me and poured a glass of water. She handed me the cup and I took my, my hand a little shaky and took a long drink, the water at first burning my throat and then soothing it as it went down. "Where am I?" I finished as I handed the cup back to her.

"The hospital, Sweetie. Don't you remember?" Sadie asked me. I frowned. Hospital? Why was I…and then it hit me. Talking to Kat. Going home. Finding Tommy. Tommy…My chest tightened and suddenly, it was hard to breathe. My lungs burned with the need for oxygen, but I couldn't force myself to inhale; it hurt too much to try.

"Jude, calm down," Sadie said, her voice soothing as she reached out to brush my hair off my forehead. "Just…take a deep breath, ok honey?" Sadie said, her hand brushing against my cheek and into my hair again, trying to comfort me. I closed my eyes and managed to get myself to breathe. To calm down and ask what was going on with me, with Tommy…Bri….

"Bri, where-"

"Kwest is picking her up from school right now." Sadie told me, taking my hand. I nodded, one source of my panic making it easier to breathe.

"Tommy?"

"I…they were still doing tests when I got here; I … I'm sorry Jude, but I was a little more concerned about my sister who collapsed for, seemingly, no good reason." Sadie told me.

"Sadie, please, you have to go find Tommy, I need…" I could feel my throat close and tears burn my eyes. Please God, don't take him from me again. I grabbed the thin blanket covering me and pulled it back. I went to get up and Sadie stopped me with a firm grip on my shoulder.

"Jude, you can't"

"I need to see him," I said, my words coming out in a rush. I don't know if Sadie understood the words, but she sensed my urgency, my panic. Sadie gave me a sympathetic look. She stood up and kissed my cheek before giving my hand a squeeze.

"I'll go find out for you," She told me. I opened my mouth to argue and Sadie pushed me back further onto the bed. "Jude, you collapsed a little over two hours ago. You need to rest. While I'm out, I'll find your doctor and see if he can arrange for a visit, ok?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. I know my sister is right. She's always right. But it didn't help the pain in my heart. I had to see him. I had to see for myself that he was ok. I opened my eyes, prepared to do battle with my sister but her hard, determined look told me it was no use. Sadie, when she put her mind to something, was as easy to move as a giant angry grizzly bear. If you're smart, you don't mess with that bear but let it do battle for you. I sighed and nodded my agreement. Sadie gave me a small smile, her eyes still stern.

"I'll be right back, OK?" She told me and I sighed heavily in response. Sadie just smiled at me and left the room, leaving me alone.

I sighed again and tried to relax into the pillows. Sadie was on the job. No one got in the way of Sadie when she had her mind on something. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep. Exhaustion suddenly the forefront of my mind.

"Mrs. Quincy?" A booming voice asked. I sighed and opened my eyes, ready to tell off whoever was about to interrupt me and stopped, my eyes taking in who was standing in the doorway. Standing in the doorway, was one of the Toronto Police Officers. His face was blank, but his eyes gave him away.

"Can I help you?" I asked, feeling dazed. What did the police want?

The man stepped into the room and gestured towards the chair Sadie had just vacated.

"May I?" I nodded, unable to speak. "Mrs. Quincy," The man said, raising his eyes to meet mine once he was seated. "I have come on behalf of the Toronto Police Department to offer my sincerest apologies."

* * *

Sadie Harrison walked with a purpose. Her pace was quick, her face was hardly set. As she moved, patients, nurses, and even doctors moved out of her way. Satisfaction lit up a part of her that loved the way people seemed to do whatever she wanted, when she wanted. She still had it.

She continued to move, her eyes on her goal, never deviating from the straight line she moved in. Once she approached it, Sadie stopped abruptly at the nurses' station.

"Excuse me?" Sadie said, her voice pleasant enough, betraying the hard look in her eyes. The nurse at the desk glanced up at her and then went back to doing her work.

"I need to find someone." Sadie stated, her voice going from pleasant to slightly irritated.

"Ma'am, you need to go on the first floor to admissions, they'll find whoever you're looking for." The woman said without looking up.

Sadie pursed her lips and slapped a hand down on the desk. The woman started in her seat and looked up at Sadie, her mouth open to say something but Sadie interrupted her.

"I don't care who you are or who's file you're working on. My baby sister is in her room, suffering from undo stress because she's waiting to hear news on her husband. And if I have to go down those stairs, wait in a line at admissions, and then wander around this hospital, trying to find Thomas Quincy, I _will_ make sure that your chief of medicine knows what an incompetent miscreant you are and _then_ I will be contacting my sister's lawyer and we _will_ be suing this hospital for every red cent for the undo-stress that was imposed on her by your inability to turn to your computer and type in a simple name. _Now_, Ms." Sadie paused only long enough to glance at the name badge and then back into the nurse's eyes. "Stevens, do you _really_ want to send me down to admissions?"

The woman glared at Sadie for a long moment and then sighed. The turned her chair away and typed on the computer.

"You'll find him in ICU Room 8; take the elevator up to the third floor, take a right and it'll be the second door on your left." The nurse said.

Sadie smiled sweetly at the woman, thanked her, and went on her way to the elevator, determined to make her little sister happy.

* * *

Kwest made the short drive from his and Sadie's place to the elementary school that Briana attended. His mind was elsewhere, worrying about his best friend and fiancés sister. Those two, he thought, could never get a break it seemed.

Kwest pulled into the "parent's" parking and parked his car. He got out and headed to the office, knowing he was a little late and Briana was probably being kept in there until he could pick her up. He walked briskly through the little school, marveling at the small lockers and smiling slightly as he remembered his days in a similar building.

Shaking his head, he walked into the office and scanned the waiting area. He frowned when his eyes didn't see Briana sitting there. Kwest turned and walked over to the reception desk, waiting impatiently for the woman to finish her phone call. His mind wondering, where was Briana?

* * *

"Apologize?" I asked, confusion coming over me. "What would the department have to apologize for?"

"Mrs. Quincy, first I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Chief Redwall, and we do owe you our apologies."

"I think you need to explain a bit, Chief," I answered, unable to wrap my head around what he was telling me. "I don't know of any reason the police department should be apologizing to me."

"Your husband, Thomas Quincy, was in our office earlier today."

"Yes…"

"He wanted us to list a…" He looked down at his notes and then back up again, "Jessica White as a stalker."

"That's right," I said frowning.

"Whenever we get reports like these, we usually do a background check. We like to know who we're doing with, previous offenses things like that." I nodded, in understanding and he gave me a small nod. "Once your husband left, my cadets ran the check, standard procedure, as I told you, when they found something…disturbing."

"Disturbing?" I asked, my heart sinking. "Disturbing how?"

"If we hadn't had a photo, I would have thought this was a mistake…" He told me, suddenly looking nervous. He opened a file and showed it to me. "This is Jessica White." He told me and I frowned at the picture attached to the file. That can't be right...it looked nothing like Jessica. "That's the _real_ Jessica White," he told me as I stared wide-eyed at the photo. "She died in 2001."

* * *

Sadie followed the nurse's directions to the letter. She walked into room 8 and was pleased to see her brother-in-law in the bed. She frowned when she looked at him. He was too pale and had a few too many machines hooked up to him than her liking.

Sadie turned her head when she saw a nurse walk into the room. She paused and looked at Sadie a moment before taking a few notes on her chart.

"Are you family?"

"Sister-in-law." Sadie stated and the young woman nodded.

"I'll page the doctor down to talk with you." She said, giving her a sweet smile and Sadie couldn't help but smile in return. Finally, she thought, someone who did her job.

"Thank you,"

"No problem," she said, giving Sadie another smile before walking out of the room.

Sadie looked at Tommy laying on the bed and sighed angrily. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Tommy and Jude were supposed to be at home, with Bri, doing…whatever it was they did on a Friday night at home. They shouldn't both be lying in hospital beds. It wasn't right.

"Ms. Harrison?" A male voice asked. Sadie turned and saw a middle-aged man with a white lab coat inside the room. "I'm Doctor Misamki, I'm on call for Dr. Franchi right now." The doctor had to be from Asian lineage, but Sadie didn't think too closely; he was tall and only had a slight accent. Maybe the child of a second generation of mix-breading.

Dr. Misamki offered his hand and Sadie shook it.

"How is he?" She asked, glancing to look at Tommy again and then back at the doctor.

"Your Brother-in-law suffered a Grand Mal Seizure." He started and then continued to explain. "It's one of the worst types of seizures and, when people think of what a seizure is, this is the type they would think about. A grand mal is the result of abnormal electrical activity throughout the brain. Dr. Franchi and I both agree that this is most likely the result of the drugs Mr. Quincy was taking for his memory loss."

"He's going to be ok?" Sadie asked and Dr. Misamki sighed.

"We've stopped medication and allowing it to leave his system. However, with a seizure, especially one as big as a grand mal, there is always a risk of complications."

"Complications?"

"Memory loss, loss of motor function, speech…the possibilities are endless. He could be fine, he could be worst. We've done an MRI and some CT scans and are running a constant EKG, they've all come back normal, but you never really know until they wake up."

Sadie nodded and looked over at Tommy. You better be ok, she thought to him.

"Any other questions?" He asked and Sadie turned her attention back to him.

"Actually, my sister, Jude Quincy is also admitted. She passed out in the waiting room and her doctor wants her to stay in bed the rest of the evening. I just…she's really worried about Tommy and I think it would not be helpful to either of them if she's forced to stay in her room. Could you talk to her doctor and see if there's anything we can do?"

Dr. Misamki looked thoughtful for a moment. He looked at Sadie and then back at his patient.

"They say it helps to have people they love with them." He said, giving her a gentle smile. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," Sadie breathed out, feeling a million times better.

"After all, I wouldn't want the Chief of Medicine to hear how incompetent we all are." He said, giving her a wink before leaving the room. Sadie couldn't help but grin after him.

She turned back to Tommy and approached her brother-in-law.

"You hear that? You don't mess with Sadie H. So you better be waking up and getting your ass out of that bed and continue making my sister happy." Sadie told him sternly, then softened her voice. "I'll be back later. You focus on getting better." She told him, reaching down and giving his hand a squeeze before leaving the room and heading back down to her sister's room.

* * *

The receptionist finally ended her phone call and looked at Kwest.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually, I'm here to pick up Briana Quincy." Kwest stated and the woman appraised him for a moment and sighed.

"Relation?"

"Jude asked me to pick her up."

"I need to check it in my file."

"I'm Kevin West, I know I'm listed as an emergency contact along with Jude's sister, Sadie Harrison."

The woman gave him a suspicious look as she turned to her computer and pulled up Briana's file. She scanned through it and found Kwest's name.

"ID please." She stated and Kwest sighed before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. He took out his license and handed it to her. She glanced at the name on the license, scrutinized the picture and then handed it back to Kwest, seemingly satisfied.

"You're free to take her home." She told him sweetly and turned away.

"Where is she?"

"Excuse me?" The woman asked. Kwest gestured to the empty chairs littering the cluttered office.

"There's no one else here." The woman frowned.

"You sure she wasn't already picked up?" She asked.

"Yes," Kwest said, feeling frustrated. "Her mother and father are in the hospital and so is Sadie, her Aunt. No one else could have picked her up."

The woman frowned and gave him a 'one moment' sign and picked up the clipboard of sign outs and read through it, looking for a Briana Quincy.

* * *

"The real Jessica? Then who is,"

"Let me explain, Mrs. Quincy," The Chief said as I began to ramble off questions. "I told my cadets they had to have the wrong woman. We ran it again. Only one hit with all the information your husband had left us with. I pulled the old files, we keep records of incidents like these and I started to dig and I found," The Chief handed me another file. She took it, glancing at the picture first. This was her, I thought. "Information on Monica Remus."

"Who is she?" I asked, studying the picture. I started to glance through some of the information listed and frowned when I saw summaries of reports.

"Monica Remus had been issued a restraining order by your husband three years ago." The Chief said, and paused, letting the information sit.

"Three years ago?" I whispered, frowning. "Tommy never told me about…"

"Ms. Remus had been calling him at work. She'd call claiming to be his wife, claiming to be a best friend or even a sister. She began showing up at G Major and he had told her many times to stay away from him. That's when he called us in."

"When was this?" I asked, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

"In November."

The accident occurred in January. I was frozen. I didn't know what to think. Jessica…Monica, had been stalking my husband and he never told me about it. Why? Why didn't he trust me? Why did….how…? So many questions ran through my head it was hard to form any coherent thought. My mind was spinning and I couldn't figure out what any of this meant.

"As I said, Mrs. Quincy, we owe you both an apology for not looking into this matter before."

"Tommy had said not to." I whispered.

"We had a duty to look into this. We failed you both and I apologize. My department is out in full force looking for Monica Remus. I promise you, Mrs. Quincy that we will find her and bring her in."

I nodded, not sure I could actually say anything. My head was whirling with questions I couldn't get answered.

"Are there any other questions or anything I can do for you?" He asked me and I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. He gave me a small nod and rose from his chair. "I'll keep you updated on the investigation and search." He told me and I nodded again. He gave me a small smile and wished me good health and left the room, leaving me alone again.

It wasn't long until Sadie came back in the room. She took one look at me and frowned.

"How's Tommy?"

"Sleeping. Like you should be." She told me, giving me a look of disapproval. I rolled my eyes.

"I got a visitor."

"Who?" She demanded.

"The police chief." Sadie raised an eyebrow and I managed to tell her everything in a calm, rational voice.

"I just don't get why he didn't tell me." I whispered. Sadie sat down on the bed and wrapped an arm around me.

"He probably didn't want to worry you." She told me. "Remember, he's a big strong manly, man." She joked and I rolled my eyes.

"I could have handled it." I told her and she nodded.

"I know Sweetie. I'm sure he did too."

I gave her a look of frustration and Sadie just hugged me tighter.

"On the positive side, we'll be getting you to see Tommy soon-ish." She told me and I nodded against her shoulder, feeling my eyes get heavy. "Sleep for a bit Jude. I'll wake you up when it's time." I nodded again and couldn't help but fall back to the darkness. It wasn't as peaceful this time but I welcomed it.

* * *

Jude had been sleeping for a good fifteen minutes when her doctor walked in. I nudged her awake and she sat up bleery eyed. The doctor wasn't happy about it, but he hooked her up to a portable IV pole and got her into a wheel chair. He expressed his unhappiness and Jude expressed she'd slit his through with his stethoscope if he didn't let her see Tommy. The doctor knew it would be nearly impossible, but the firey look in my sister's eyes stopped him short. It made me proud.

I watched as Jude sat next to Tommy's bed, whispering to him, holding his hand, stroking his face. As much as I wanted to look away, I couldn't. It wasn't every day you got to witness this kind of love. That kind of devotion.

"Sadie?" I looked up at my name and saw Kwest heading towards me. I turned away from my sister and rushed over to Kwest, throwing my arms around him. For the first time all day, I finally felt like things were going to be ok. Kwest returned the embrace, but he was stiff. Tense. I frowned and pulled away.

"Where's Bri?" I asked, looking around for my favorite little girl on the planet and not seeing her. I looked back up into Kwest's eyes and what I saw there made my stomach drop.

"No," I whispered, my heart stopping as tears sprang to my eyes. Where is Bri? I wondered, even my thoughts panicking.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **This chapter was a pain to write. I swear I re-wrote the ending to this fifty-bazillion times before I came up with this chapter ending. I hope you all like it and glad you all seemed to enjoy the last chapter….thought it ended in sort of a cliff hanger. Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 33**

I held Tommy's hand in my own, stroking his fingers, watching his face for any signs of waking up. My mind was spinning, trying to process everything that had been told to me over the last couple of hours. Tommy had been keeping his stalker a secret for me. A part of me wondered what else he had failed to tell me. Another knew he did it only to protect me. And still another was resentful that he hadn't. Maybe if I had known, I wouldn't have had to loose him for three years.

The doctor had just left. He answered some of my questions. Telling me the seizure was most likely a cause of the medication. That we should talk to Dr. Franchi when he gets on call later tonight to decide what to do in the future…that is, if he woke up.

He had to wake up. He couldn't leave me sitting here and worrying. I closed my eyes a moment and imagined for a moment what the day would have been like if I had come home to normal events. I would have told him I loved him. Maybe he would have told me he still loved me too. We'd kiss. Maybe more. I would have my family back. We'd be happy and it'd be perfect.

I sighed and opened my eyes. This wasn't right, I thought. I wasn't sure how much more I could take of all of this. I wanted a drama free life, just for once. Maybe I did something to deserve all this. Maybe it was just fated to be. Whatever the reason, I hated it. I was going to make it better. I was going to do everything in my power to rebuild my family and keep it. No matter what.

"Jude," I turned my head and saw Sadie standing in the doorway, her face grim and I felt my heart sink. What did she just find out?

I was about to ask her what was wrong when I felt movement in my hand. I gasped and turned away from Sadie, reaching up with my free hand to brush it across Tommy's cheek. He was stirring slightly and I couldn't help but smile. I held my breath as his blue eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," I said, feeling relief flood through me as he turned his gaze on me.

"What happened?" He asked, looking at me with confused eyes.

"You had a seizure," I said, feeling my eyes beginning to water. "I came home and…" I took a deep breath. "I found you in the middle of it in the kitchen and called an ambulance…"

"I'm sorry," He told me, giving me a sympathetic look.

"It's not your fault," I said automatically, giving him a smile. "You're awake now, that's all that matters."

"What about Bri? She wasn't home was she?" Tommy asked me, wincing slightly and I shook my head. "Kwest went to pick her up from school. She should be in the waiting room with them."

Tommy nodded his acknowledgement and I couldn't keep the smile off my face. He was awake. The rest of the problems seemed very small in comparison.

* * *

Sadie turned away from the couple when she noticed Tommy starting to awake. Kwest gave her a questioning look as she turned away from the door and came back over to him, wrapping her arms around her chest.

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Tommy just woke up," Sadie said, tears in her eyes. "God Kwest, I just wanted them to have some happiness before I kill them both by telling them their daughter is missing." Sadie closed her eyes, her thoughts going to her five-year-old niece. "She's got to be so scared."

"Hey, it'll be ok, we'll have her found." Kwest said, pulling Sadie close to him.

"We need to call the police, list her as missing and"

"I already did that." Kwest said, giving Sadie a tight squeeze. Sadie wrapped her arms around him in return.

"I don't know if I can tell her…them." Sadie whispered, her voice breaking as she tried to think in her head the best way to break the news about Briana to her sister and her husband.

"Do you want me to?" Kwest asked and Sadie sniffed.

"Maybe, together?" Sadie asked and Kwest nodded his agreement. The couple turned and glanced back at the couple in the hospital room.

"Why don't we leave them be for a minute?" Sadie suggested and Kwest shook his head.

"They need to know, Sadie." He told her and she sighed.

"I know, it's just…" Sadie shook her head. "I just want them to be happy for a little bit."

"Wouldn't you want to know?" Kwest asked her and Sadie sighed.

"You're right," She told him, looking away from her sister for a moment. "Let's do this." Kwest gave her a sad smile and took her hand, squeezed it and led her into the room with Tommy and Jude.

* * *

"Tommy," I whispered, running my fingertips across his cheek, reassuring myself that he was here, that he was awake.

"Hm?"

"I…I want to tell you that," I took a deep breath, suddenly nervous. I could feel my throat closing up and my palms getting sweaty. Why can't I do this? I asked.

"Jude," Tommy said, his eyes soft as he looked at me. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I love you," I blurted out and he just stared at me like I was an idiot. "I do, I…I want you to know that. It doesn't matter to me if you can remember everything or not…you don't even have to remember the last few months, I just…I love you and I don't think anything will change that." I said, feeling a weight lift from me when I said the words. I felt happy, free, and couldn't help but smiling at him. I felt like I was sixteen again and telling my 22-year-old producer that I was in love with him.

"I love you too Jude," He told me, smiling at me. "I think I always have."

I couldn't help but smile at his words. Finally, everything seemed to be going right.

"Jude? Tommy?" Sadie said as she walked into the room. I glanced over at my sister and saw Kwest behind her. I couldn't help but smile at them too.

"Hey!" I said, glancing around them to look for my daughter, confused that I didn't see her. "Where's Bri?" I asked, looking at Sadie and Kwest. The two glanced at eachother and I felt my heart sink. "Sadie?" I asked, suddenly unable to breath. "Where. Is. My. Daughter?" I asked, feeling almost hysterical.

"Jude," Tommy said, taking my attention from my sister and Kwest. His eyes were half mast, like he was fighting to stay awake. "calm down," He told me and suddenly, I felt like I could breathe again.

"She isn't here." Sadie whispered, and I looked back over at my sister, confused. I saw her eyes fill up with tears and watched as they started to fall down her face.

"Sadie…what?"

"Jude, when I got to the school," Kwest said, giving me a grave look. "Briana was already gone."

"Gone? Gone where?" I demanded. "She couldn't be gone, she-"

"Someone had already checked her out and 'took her home'." Kwest told me and I felt like I was run over by a steam roller. I was frozen. I couldn't move. Couldn't think. All I wanted to know was, where was my baby girl.

Before I could process what Sadie and Kwest had told me, Tommy's doctor made his way into the room.

"Well, look who's decided to join us," The doctor stated, giving everyone a smile. Tommy just eyed the younger doctor warily but didn't say anything. He asked us to leave while he checked Tommy over and Kwest had to come over and force me to move, I couldn't get my limbs to work on their own. I just didn't know how to do it.

I moved into the hall and Kwest led me over to one of the chairs across from the room. I sat down and just…stared. I couldn't help but think about Bri. About what would have happened if I had passed at the hospital. If I'd only called Sadie before she got the call from the hospital, Kwest might have been there in time. She wouldn't be missing. It was my fault she was missing. If I'd only thought ahead, if I'd only…

"Hey," Sadie said softly, wrapping her arm around me and whipping my eyes. It was then that I realized I had been crying. "It's going to be ok," she told me. "Kwest already notified the police and they're out looking for Briana. It won't be long before"

"I should have called." I murmured, not able to process what Sadie was telling me. "I…I should have called when I got to the hospital….or on the way…this wouldn't have happened if I'd just called and now" A sob broke my words and I couldn't find any more to say. My eyes were leaking rivers and I couldn't stop.

All I could think about was my baby girl was missing. And it was all my fault.

It wasn't long before Tommy's doctor left his room. He had stopped to talk to Sadie and Kwest but I couldn't hear what was said. I only remember that Sadie had hugged me closer and told him where to shove it when he suggested she take me home, make me rest. He had left after that and Sadie told me Tommy was fine. He was ok. The doctors just wanted to keep him for a day or two to make sure everything was going to stay normal.

Sadie asked me if I wanted to go back and see Tommy and I couldn't speak, only nod my head, afraid I'd scream or say something hysterical if I opened my mouth. She walked me into the room and I was shaking. Tommy took one look at me and I knew how bad I looked. Sadie led her over to the bed and Tommy pulled me down with him. I let him and buried my face in his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to comfort me. I remember wondering why he wasn't upset, and when I managed to shift my head so I was looking at him, I could see the tears in his eyes he was keeping at bay. He was being the strong one. I felt my eyes grow heavy and I tried to keep them open. I had to find Briana. I had to start looking. I had to start calling friends, relatives, anyone who we talked to see if they'd seen her. Maybe she went home with a friend maybe…I felt Tommy's hand stroking my hair and my eyes drifted closed. I can't sleep. I kept saying, over and over in my mind. I can't sleep. I have to find Bri. I have to…I can't…


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: **Alright, I'm seriously not 100 happy with this chapter, but it works. It's…well, not as well written as the rest of it but I think I drained all my writing juices when I wrote to Chapter 9 last night of Into The Woods – my original book I'm cowriting and want to get published. But that's ok. Those chapters need to be amazing and…well…this I'm just trying to finish before I completely give up on fanfiction. After this chapter, I have two chapters and an epilogue so we're almost done! I think I'll probably regret later posting this chapter as is, but honestly, I'm to the point I just want to be done with it and devoting full energies editing/reviewing/writing to Into the Woods. I guess everyone's got their priorities. I hope this chapter isn't that much of a disappointment! More to come!

* * *

**Chapter 34**

A soft groan escaped my lips as my eyes blinked open. It took a few minutes for my vision to get rid of the fuzzy edges and I found myself staring into Tommy's relieved eyes.

"Hey, you're awake," He said, stroking the top of my hair. Not recognizing my surroundings, I was about to ask him where we were and what was going on when it all seeped back to the front of my thoughts. Seizure. Hospital. Jessica/Monica. Tommy. Sadie. Bri…

"Why did you let me sleep?!" I demanded, jerking upright and scrambling out of the hospital bed. Tommy reached out and grabbed my arm and I whirled around to face him. "I need to, I need"

"Jude." He said, his voice calm and I had a fleeting thought of hating him. Why wasn't he worried about Briana? "Honey, I know how you feel, but what are we going to do? The police have her picture all over the news, they're looking into Jessica and other possible explanation…"

"Tommy, I need to do something," I said, closing my eyes, tears stinging them. "I can't sit back when Bri could be"

"Jude, breath." He told me and I realized I was nearly hysterical. My lungs burned as I took a breath and I wondered if I had even been breathing since I woke up. I did as he told me and took a couple deep breathes. I didn't feel nearly as better but I found I could relax a little. Barely. My mind was racing, trying to think of anything that could help my little girl.

"Dr. Franchi was by earlier." Tommy told me. "When you were out," and I looked up at him, another worry coming to the front of my mind. "He pretty much said I'd be ok and recommended stopping the drug treatment." He told me with a sigh. He frowned when he studied my eyes.

"What?"

"What's going on, Jude?" He asked me, watching my eyes. "you've been…stressed."

"I'm fine." I answered automatically, feeling anything but.

"No, you're not." He told me, and tugged me closer to the bed and I reluctantly came, sitting down on the edge. He sat up a bit and his critical eyes appraised me. "What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?"

"Hardly brilliant," I muttered, but found myself enjoying the compliment. "I just…there's a lot going on," I muttered and sighed. "I'll feel better when I find Bri."

"You keep saying 'I'." Tommy pointed out, frowning. I started to correct him when I realized he was right. "Why?"

"Because, you just…you had a seizure and"

"Jude," He said, shaking his head at me like I just said something stupid. "Do you really think I'm gonna sit here and let you go running all over the place and getting yourself killed?"

"But"

"I already talked to Dr. Franchi. He didn't like it, but he's going to release me in less than a hour."

"What time is it?"

"9 am."

"Shit." I breathed out, closing my eyes. I had slept through the night and lord knew what was going on with my daughter. Some mother I am. I scolded myself. "Should you really be leaving?"

"Probably not but I wouldn't take no for an answer." He said with a shrug. "I also decided…" He paused, as if considering his next words.

"Decided what?" I asked, felling dread wash over me.

"I don't know if this is the right time," He told me, giving me a small smile.

"Tell me." I demanded. "I don't know how much more crap I can take."

"I decided that it's not worth remembering if I don't survive long enough to enjoy it," He summed, looking into my eyes. "with you." He finished. "I…I think I still love you, Jude. And I don't want to mess that up again."

Tears sprang to my eyes and I momentarily was able to forget that Briana was missing and Jessica was really Monica who had been stalking Tommy for lord only knew how long. Tommy still loves me. I felt like my heart was now whole and then felt terrible that I could find some happiness in this dark time.

"I…I was rushing home from Kat to tell you the same thing…" I stammered, sniffling slightly. "I love you too," I said and Tommy smiled at me and I suddenly felt like things just might turn out ok.

Tommy reached down and took my hand in mine, intertwining our fingers and gave it a squeeze.

"Now, what else is bothering you?" He asked and I found myself pouring out the story of the police chief coming to see me and the story of Jessica and her real name being Monica. Tommy listened, frowning slightly as I told him what I felt, how I couldn't understand why he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me what was going on. When I finally finished, he stroked my hair and told me how he couldn't give me any answers but he didn't think it was about not trusting as it was about protecting me. We made an agreement that we'd trust each other to know we didn't need protecting. That we'd be open with everything and anything so no more surprises came our way.

After the talk, I felt a little better about everything going on. My only concern was finding Briana and suddenly, I felt like I could do it. That _we_ could do it.

Before long, the doctors came back, lectured Tommy on how he shouldn't be leaving so soon that they wanted more tests. They came to an agreement that he would come back and do them once things settled back down. We were lectured on how he should relax and take it easy but everyone in the room knew it probably wouldn't happen. Before long, we were signing against medical advise forms and were on our way back home.

I was more than thankful that when we arrived home, the news cameras had either already came and left or hadn't arrived yet. We hurried into the house and I checked to see if there were any messages. There weren't any.

Tommy and I sat down at the table and went over everything he knew about Jessica. We figured she wouldn't be dumb enough to be at the same place Tommy knew she'd be living and he wrecked his brain to come up with any relatives. He remembered her briefly talking about a cousin who lived in the area but didn't remember the name or where the house was. It was leaving us both frustrated as we both scrambled for places to look, people to call. The phone rang a few times, friends and family offering condolences and asking if there was anything they could do. After the first few calls, we let them go to the answering machine or voice mail. There's only so much "I'm so sorry, can we do anything for you" a person could take before it began to drive you crazy.

We were just about to give up when the phone rang once more. Tommy and I looked at each other, both of our gazes filled with annoyance. The answering machine clicked on and I heard my voice telling the person to leave a message. The beep echoed through the house and there was a long pause. I frowned and looked at Tommy but he was watching the phone, as if waiting for it to do something.

"Hi, Jason, It's me" Before the sentence could be finished, Tommy shot out of his chair and had the phone in his hand. My eyes widened and I moved to stand closer to him, my heart pounding and my mind racing. Please let Briana be ok…

"Jessica-" Tommy barely got her name out before she cut him off.

"We need to talk." Jessica stated, her voice sounding crazier than usual. I shivered. I could feel tears stinging my eyes and I continued to pray that Briana was ok. That Jessica wouldn't harm an innocent little girl.

"We're not talking. Not until you let me bring Briana home."

"I can do better," Jessica said, laughing as she said the words. "I keep Briana. You come to us, Love." She whispered, her voice getting lower, crazier. "We can be a family again."

"Jessica, I"

"We were happy!" She shrieked and Tommy winced. My eyes widened and I stared at him, not sure what to do. "You come to me, or you'll never see your little girl again. OK?" She asked, her voice becoming sweet, almost innocent sounding if she could lose the hint of crazy behind it.

"You'll have to tell me where you are." Tommy stated and I gaped at him. Tommy closed his eyes and nodded as Jessica told him. "I'll be there." He told her and she said something else I couldn't hear and Tommy made an affirmative noise before hanging up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I demanded. "You can't go to her, she's fucking crazy!"

"Jude, I have to"

"No, we're calling the police. They'll"

"Jude, she said she'd kill Briana if we involved the police." He stated and I felt my whole body go numb with that statement. "Jude, I have to go. OK?" He told me, wrapping his arms around me and I couldn't move. I couldn't take comfort in the embrace. I was going to lose my baby and my husband. I… "It's going to be ok." He whispered and I shook my head, unable to say anything. "I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"I can." He told me and for a moment, I almost believed he could. "I have to go." He told me and started towards the door. I took a deep breath.

"Wait." I said, my voice cracking slightly. He stopped and turned around to look at me. "I know…I won't call the police but Tommy, please tell me where you're going because if I don't hear from you….I don't want to wonder the rest of my life…" A lump gathered in my throat and tears blurred my vision. I couldn't continue with losing it and Tommy must have saw it because he nodded and crossed back to the kitchen and wrote an address down on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

"Don't come after me," Tommy whispered, to me. "Promise me."

"I…I won't." I said, knowing I probably couldn't keep that promise. Tommy kissed the top of my head and pulled away.

"You going to be ok?" He asked and I nodded my head. "I could call Sadie or Kat or"

"I'll be fine." I told him, working to keep myself under control. He nodded, looking a bit skeptical and walked out the door. I closed my eyes, tears falling down my face. This is it, I thought. This is when I lose everything.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 35

**A/N: **I have a distinct feeling you are all going to hate me after you read this chapter, but it'll be worth it. I promise. :D I'm really proud of this one so I hope you like it. One more after this and then an epilogue. Almost done, peeps! :D I know I haven't updated in awhile, but I was working on finishing my chapters for the original before I started school. Thankfully, those are all done. Just waiting for my co-writer to write her last 5 and we're on publishing road. Crazy to believe, but yay! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this!

**Chapter 35**

I moved tentatively towards the house address Jessica had given me over the phone. My mind was reeling, trying to imagine what I would find once I went inside. A big part of me didn't want to go in there, fearing for the worst. Another part said I had to go in. With my heart pounding, I got out of the car and headed towards the house. The door opened as I walked up the drive and Jessica stood in the doorway, watching me approach, a big grin on her face.

"I knew you'd come." She said, her voice happy as her eyes and I resisted the urge to remind her I had no choice. "Welcome home, Jason." She told me and I closed my eyes, trying to decide if I should play along with her sick fantasy until I could be sure Briana was ok.

"I want to see Briana." I told her, my words clipped. She frowned at my tone but moved aside so I could walk into the house. She closed the door behind me, not locking it, and moved further into the house, leading me to a back room. She stopped before the closed door and gestured. I watched her wearily as I opened the door and stepped inside.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw Briana sitting on the floor, surrounded by stuffed animals, playing. When the door opened, she turned to the door, saw me and grinned. She leapt up from her seat and threw her arms around me. I couldn't help but end down and hug my daughter closer to me. She was ok. Briana was safe.

"The lady told me you were coming." Briana said, her voice proud as she told me what Jessica had told her.

"She did, did she?"

Briana nodded her head vigorously. I couldn't be mad at Briana. Later, I'd have to tell her not to go off with strangers, but for now…I was just happy she was safe.

"Where's Mommy?" Briana asked me and I squeezed her hand, hoping I wouldn't be made a liar.

"She's at home Bri," I told her. "waiting for us to come home."

"I wanna go home." Briana told me, her eyes stubborn and her jaw set, prepared to argue with me. I couldn't help but smile a little.

"I need to talk with Jessica for a minute, ok?" I told her and Briana pouted in response. "We…you'll be home soon, ok? I promise." I told her and Briana nodded. "Why don't you stay here and play with the animals?"

"K…" Briana said, looking disappointed. "Ms. Jessica gave me a teddy bear. She told me he was mine." Briana said, smiling happily at me and I knew I wouldn't have the heart to take the bear away from her. I nodded to Briana and she turned back to the animals in the middle of the floor. I watched her for a moment before letting out a sigh and got up and headed back into the hallway were Jess was still standing. She smiled at me and I closed the door, leaving Briana once again.

"You wanted to talk?" I asked, preparing myself for whatever she threw my way. She nodded and I turned away from the room Bri was playing in and headed back to the front room. I didn't want Briana to over hear anything.

Tommy had left a little over 20 minutes ago. I paced the floor for the hundredth time, staring at the paper he had given me. I had memorized the address already. I knew exactly were to go. I knew how long I could get there going the speed limit. I estimated how long it'd take if I took the old Viper and pushed it to it's limits. Tommy might get a little mad at me, but it'd be worth it.

My gaze drifted to the phone. My other plan. Maybe I should call the police. Get them over there to make sure Tommy and Bri came home safely. When the phone would be in my hand, and my fingers hovering over the number, I would freeze. What if she hurt them when she heard the sirens. What if something bad happened and it was all because I was a wreck and couldn't wait at home.

One thing I was certain of. I couldn't sit here and just wait. I was never good at waiting. I never had the patience of a priest. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now. Maybe that's why I had been such a successful artist. Maybe that's how I ended up with Tommy after all.

My eyes slid over to the locked drawer in the kitchen. I moved, faster than I thought possible. I unlocked the draw and pulled out my prize. It was heavier than I remembered. But that was ok. It would do it's job. I grabbed my keys off the counter and ran out the door. I was probably making a big mistake doing this, but I couldn't stay home. I couldn't sit here and wonder what was going to happen.

I wouldn't be me if I did.

Once we were back in the front room, Jessica turned away from me. She picked up a picture on the coffee table and stared at it a long moment.

"I miss you," She said, her voice a whisper.

"Jessica…" I sighed. "Monica, I know. You don't need to pretend anymore."

"I'm not Monica." She told her, her eyes blazing a moment in anger. "Monica was no one."

"Mon-"

"We were happy." She stated, simply. "you can't just…you can't just throw this…us away."

"I moved on," I told her. "I was living a life of lies."

"No," She whispered, insisting her delusions were real. "We were happy. We were in love. We were engaged to be married-"

I closed my eyes. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"I had another life. I owed it to myself, to Jude, to Briana, to see what it was."

"And you did." She told me, smiling. She set the picture back down and walked over to me, I tensed and she leaned into me, her hand on my cheek. "You saw who she was, met your daughter. You can come back to me now."

I lifted my hand and grabbed her wrist, taking her hand away from my face. She just smiled at me and I wanted to slap her. I didn't want this. I don't think I ever really did.

"And if I don't want to?" I asked her.

She didn't respond. Not verbally. Her eyes darkened in response. Her eyes narrowed, her brow furrowed in anger.

"Oh. You want to." She hissed, her voice sounding more like a snake.

"I'd be lying if I said I did." I told her, feeling a little regretful.

"You're lying to yourself." She insisted, sounding more than just a little desperate. A little crazy. "You forgot how good we were when you were with her. I'll forgive you, Jason. After all"

Monica broke off when the front door flew open. We both turned to see Jude standing in the doorway, her blue eyes hard in anger, a gun pointed out before her in her right hand.

"I told you not to come," I told her, eying the gun in her hand, wondering where she got it.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sit back and wait for her to rip you apart." Jude stated, walking into the door, shutting it behind her. She crossed to me, her eyes questioning.

"Briana's ok." I told her and I saw relief flood through her, she lowered the gun a little bit, relaxing with the knowledge her daughter was ok.

"You." Monica hissed, her voice coming out more like a growl. I turned to look at Monica but she had already moved, her eyes blazing as she looked at Jude. "You ruined my life."

"I think you did that for yourself," Jude muttered, rolling her eyes and I fought to keep a smile away from my lips. Though she should have been more…tactful, I knew she was right.

Before either of us could do anything, Monica sprang, throwing herself at Jude, tackling her to the floor. Jude let out a yelp of surprise and the gun flew out her hand and skid across the floor. Jude and Monica began to struggle, slapping and kicking when they could. I moved my eyes, trying to spot where the gun moved to. When I spotted it, it was already too late, Jude had grabbed it, and the women were struggling with it. I froze, unable to move, not wanting provoke one of them into shooting, my heart pounding in my head. I could only watch in horror as Jude and Monica struggled with the weapon. Could only feel my blood run cold when a crack filled the air, and both women went still.

Oh God, I thought, frozen in place, my body and mind numb. What had I done.


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: This chapter, is seriously, unaffectionately known to me as the chapter from hell

**A/N**: This chapter, is seriously, unaffectionately known to me as the chapter from hell. Seriously, I just can't seem to nail this stupid thing. I had wanted Black Sunday to be over with by now, but alas, it hasn't happened. I can't count the number of times I've rewritten this. It's like…I can't write Jude anymore. And Tommy's pov…ulg! It's been disgusting. I have a feeling it's because of thinking like Adriana – my character in the original I want to attempt to get published. I keep looking at my pages and thinking – This is AD, Not JH (well, in my fic, JQ). It sucks ass. I'm seriously trying guys but ulg! Frustration isn't helping me at all. On a positive note, my manuscript is now completed – after a rewrite. I'm determined to get this fic finished within the next week. My original chapter opening is being tossed out the window, because honestly, it's just not working. At the end of this chapter, I'll fill it in for you – on how it was supposed to go because it directly correlated with the ending for the last chapter but…gr. If I would've realized how nasty it would be to write…well…yeah. I woulda rethought that plot point. Anyway, enough rambling and I seriously hope you guys like this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 36**

**One Week Later**

I was numb.

I couldn't feel anything as I sat in the pew, staring straight ahead. The atmosphere of the church was melancholy and I couldn't even feel a single thing. I still couldn't believe it had happened. My mind couldn't wrap itself around the events that brought me here, to the church, listening to the depressing sounds of the organ as the Father delivered his eulogy.

Father Morris finished his words. I heard a few sobs coming from the people around me and watched as the funeral was called to a close, the casket being carried from the church. I was frozen.

How could it all have gone so wrong?

A hand on my arm snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned my head to look at her, a tentative smile on her face.

"You ready?" She asked, her eyes offering me sympathy.

I sighed, my eyes leaving her to glance at the casket that had held one possible life for me. As numb as I felt, I didn't feel empty. Not with her here beside me. This was right. The woman in the casket had just been another woman. She wasn't the love of my life.

I slid my eyes back to the woman next to me and offered her a small smile. I was ready. I was ready for a lot more than she knew.

"Yeah," I told her, feeling like a big weight had been lifted from me. Seconds ago I hadn't been sure what to think, what to feel, but I knew that this was right. This was what was meant to be. "let's get out of here." I stated, reaching out and taking her small, petite hand that fit so perfectly in mine, and left the church and Monica Remus behind me. It was time to move on, for both our sakes and as I stared into her shining eyes, I knew there was no where else I was meant to be.

* * *

"Jude?" I asked and she turned towards me a question in her eyes. I sighed, feeling more nervous than I ever felt before, but I had to do this. I had to be sure. "You're ok with everything right?" I asked her and she gave me a sad smile.

"I killed her." Jude stated, looking lost for a long moment and I didn't know what to do to comfort her, but she gave me a sad smile. "I mean…I know I had to. I mean…she would have killed me. Maybe you too…and…I-I guess I'll never be 100 ok with it, but I can live with it." Jude explained, her eyes questioning. "Why?"

"I just…I want to make sure that we're ok, after everything that happened."

"Tommy, we'll always be ok in my book." She said, smiling and she stepped closer to me and kissed me briefly and I couldn't help but smile at her in return. She was right. I just…I had to be sure. I took a deep breath and she raised an eyebrow at me. "What? What's wrong?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"Nothing, I just…I have a proposal for you." I stated and she raised her eyebrow at me.

"Really?" She asked, looking intrigued. "I actually have one for you too."

"You first." I stated, feeling my heart beginning to race and she shook her head.

"Nope. You said it first. You first."

I sighed and suddenly felt like I could be sick. I didn't know if this was appropriate or not and I didn't want her to think it was stupid either but…I had to do this. I had to for me, for her, for us. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and stared into her eyes.

"Jude, You know that I love you, right?" She nodded and I couldn't help but feel like the world's biggest idiot. I hope I wasn't this bad the first time around, I thought to myself as I forced myself to think about the words I had rehearsed a million times this week before opening my mouth again.

"Tommy, are you ok?" She asked me and I sighed and closed my eyes. I wasn't even sure how to say what was on my mind, but…I opened my eyes, stared into hers and lowered myself to one knee. She stared at me, eyes widening.

"Jude, will you marry me?" I asked her, not at all sure what her answer would be. "Again?"

Silence stretched between us for a long moment and I wondered during the time if I had done the wrong thing. We were already married. Maybe she didn't want to do it again.

She smiled at me, wide and large, her eyes shined as she grabbed my hands and pulled me up. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me, deeply and I couldn't help but smile into the kiss. She pulled away and stared right into my eyes, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears as she said one word.

"Yes."

And I swear, my heart soared. I couldn't remember being this happy. I threw my arms around her and kissed her like my life counted on it. She responded and when we broke away, breathless, she giggled and I knew I could die happily.

"I feel like I'm 20 all over again," She mused, grinning at me and I couldn't help but smile in return.

"I wasn't sure if you'd even say yes."

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked, giving me an accusing look and I suddenly felt like I was being scolded.

"Because, we're already married and…well, I didn't know if you wanted to do it all over again, but…I don't remember and I thought…I thought it'd be a good way for us to start over." Jude nodded, agreeing with my reasoning and she burst out laughing and I stared at her questioningly, waiting for her to catch her breath so she could tell me what was so funny.

"I'm sorry it's just…we've had so many start overs….I mean, there was the time we first met, and then after my dad interfered, and now…well, now."

"Maybe the third time will be the charm." I suggested and Jude just smiled at me.

"Maybe." She mused, grinning at me.

"So," I asked, changing the discussion. "What did you have to ask me?"

"OH!" Jude's eyes widened and then she gave me a smug look. "Well…I was thinking…I want to sing again."

"You should."

"I don't want to do it alone."

"I don't really remember much about producing."

"That wasn't what I was proposing." She stated and I lifted an eyebrow, not sure what she was getting at.

"I was thinking of a compilation album. A couple duets, a few singles from both of us, maybe a couple remixes of older songs…something for the fans." Jude stated, looking happily at me as she told me about this and I found myself nodding along, liking the sounds of the joint project.

"I like it."

"I knew you would." She said, grinning smugly at me and I rolled my eyes.

"You know, you're at a distinct disadvantage in this relationship." I told her and she smirked at me before leaning close and I shivered at the feel of her breath against my neck.

"I think I can make it worth your while," She whispered before pulling away and giving me a smoky look. I raised an eyebrow and she took my hand in hers and led me up the stairs.

"Come on Quincy…after all, we're married now."

"I thought we were engaged."

"Best of both worlds," She stated, waggling her eyebrows at me as she disappeared into the bedroom and I couldn't help but follow her.

I had a distinct feeling I could never resist following her.

**To be continued in the epilogue!**

**Final A/N: **As I said above, this chapter was supposed to pick up moments after the gun went off. Essentially, there was a monologue on how the world stopped for Tommy when the gun went off and he couldn't do much but stare at the fallen figures. He was snapped out of his trance by Bri, who had come out of the room at the noise. Time restarts for Tommy at her voice and he ushers her away before she can see anything. Once Bri's out of the way, he checks on Jude and Monica/Jessica and enter cops. I bet you can all think of what they thought happened….guy leaning over two seemingly dead bodies? Questioning, Jude being fine/in shock, but fine, they go home, funeral scene essentially and the ending proposal piece.

I hope you guys still liked this. I don't know if the writing is very good but…well…it's done. And if I held it back until I was happy with it it'd probably never get posted. Plus, I really really want to write the epilogue. It's going to be amazing. I desperately hope you all love it. It so works in my head and honestly, it's been there so long, I'll be seriously depressed if it don't work out.

Hope you all enjoyed! I'll be sure to have up the epilogue within the next week. I promise!


	40. Epilogue

**A/N: **OMG! This is it! This is the ending that had been in my head for YEARS! I'm so proud of this chapter and I cannot express how happy I am that it turned out so amazingly well. I hope you all enjoy it.

* * *

**Epilogue**

**Four Months Later**

My heart pounded heavily in my chest as I stared at myself in the half mirror. I reached up for the millionth time and straightened my bow tie. This was it, I thought for the millionth time this morning. This was the day I was going to marry the love of my life. Again. I couldn't help the smile that came across my face. As happy as the thought made me, it scared me as well. I was sweating a little too much and I swore I could have a heart attack. I was so nervous and I honestly didn't understand why. It's not like we're not already married. We're just, essentially, renewing our vows.

A new beginning.

One that Monica or anyone else could not mess with.

I knock at the door turned my attention away from the door. Kwest stood in the doorway, smiling at me.

"They're ready for us." He told me and I nodded, unable to say much else.

I followed him out of the room and out the large mansion and into the back yard. We had made arrangements with Darius to use his mansion. Jude said we didn't need a church again. We had the big wedding before and she wanted it to be a little smaller. Just close friends and family. The reception would be held in the massive ball room Darius had insisted he have when the thing was built.

Outside, I could see our guests sitting in the chairs, complete with white satin covers and bright red bows on the back, before the makeshift alter. There was a huge arch surrounding it, covered with white and pink roses. I knew Jude would love it.

I headed up the isle and stood at my place by Jude's family minister. He shook my hand and expressed his happiness that we asked him to be apart of our ceremony. Again. I thanked him for agreeing.

The music started up – piano music, played by none other than Vince Spiederman, Jude's former band mate – and couldn't help but smile as Briana walked down the isle, complete in her puffy flower girl dress, a flower wreath atop her head, tossing rose petals down the isle. Bri grinned happily, proudly as she moved down the isle. I heard a few people aw at my daughter and that just fed Briana's confidence. She stood off to the side, as we had practice and asked me in a loud stage whisper: "Did you see Daddy!"

I couldn't help but laugh a little and I nodded at Briana and quietly shushed her. She sighed heavily but stood still, also as instructed. I had to remember to get her a really nice present after this. She was being good.

Jude's one and only bridesmaid came down the isle – Sadie, her older sister. She looked good in the loud red dress Jude had chosen for her, though I knew she would. We could have thrown Sadie in a brown bag and she would have still looked amazing. Sadie's just that kind of girl.

After a moment, Speed's music changed beats, fluently moving into the bridal march. Everyone's heads turned and waited for Jude to make her grand entrance. When my eyes locked with hers, I couldn't see anything else. I just saw her, Jude and her smiling, radiant face. I didn't even notice the dress or the way her hair was done. She was the light in my life. I couldn't help the stupid grin that spread across my face. Looking at her now, like this, I knew that my life was complete. That this was right. And when this was all over, we were going to be fine. Stronger than ever.

Jude slowly made her way up to join me at the alter. She mouthed a small 'hi' and I couldn't help but answer by whispering "I love you" to her. She smiled, and we joined hands, turning to the minister, he began a short homily. I didn't hear what he was saying. My attention was all on the woman next to me and our new life together.

* * *

The reception passed by in a blur. Though we had only invited the most necessary people, we still had a massive amount of talking and catching up to do. The part was still going on when we left, finishing off the night with an expression of the passion we felt for each other.

When it was all over, we lay together, our bodies intertwined, Jude's head resting on my chest. My fingers played lazily in her blonde hair and I still couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face. We were married.

Jude sighed and my smile faltered. Uh-ho.

"Tommy," She said, sitting up to look me in the eyes. She must have seen the panic on my face because she gave me a tentative smile and touched her hand to my cheek. "I have a confession to make." She said, her eyes searching mine, as if she was looking for some kind of answer there.

I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. What did she have to confess? Was it something good, something bad, something…My mind raced and my heart went along with it.

"I'm pregnant." She stated after a long beat of silence.

I just stared at her, amazed. I think my mouth even dropped open at the statement but my mind was racing again. Pregnant. We were having another baby.

"I….when?" I asked her and she smiled.

"A couple weeks ago. I wanted to tell you but…" She sighed. "I thought it'd be a good wedding present," She said, smiling cheekily at me before kissing me.

I responded mechanically, my mind too busy wrapping my head around the news.

"You're happy, right?" She asked me, her eyes narrowing into a frown.

"I…of course I am, I'm just…I wasn't expecting that, that's all." I said, grinning at her. "A baby? For real!"

"Well…we already have one, but yes…"

I couldn't help but grin wider and kiss her, for real this time. God I love this woman.

When we separated she smiled at me and I grinned up at her.

"Since we're all about confession…I have something to confess as well." I told her, turning the tables and she stared at me, her eyes widening slightly. I could see the same fear that had taken me over switch people. I watched her a moment, trying to draw out the suspense, but I couldn't do that to her. I loved her too much and I thought I was going to burst anyway.

"I remembered."

There was a long beat of silence as she took it in. She took a deep breath, tears stinging her eyes.

"W-what did you remember?" She asked me, her voice shaking a little with the emotions running behind those words. I smiled, I couldn't help it.

"Everything."

She just stared at me, her expression amazed. Tears began to fall from her eyes and I reached up and brushed them away. I felt my heart clench at the sight of her tears.

"W-when?" She asked, her voice even more broken than it was before.

"When you walked down the isle." I said, kissing her gently, playing with her hair once again. "I saw you and it…it was like a switch flipped in my head." I told her, whipping away more tears that fell from her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Jude." I told her, putting everything I had into those words.

She shushed me, putting a finger to my lips. She removed it quickly and replaced it with her lips. We kissed, long and slow. It wasn't a kiss of promise, it was a sweet kiss. A hello kiss. One that promised things to come.

"It doesn't matter now." She whispered when she pulled away and I went to argue with her but she kissed me again. More passionately this time. My argument left my brain as she continued to distract me. There would be time to talk later.

"Tommy?" I heard a voice say and I opened my eyes.

"What?" I mumbled, trying to get my brain to process where I was. My vision cleared and I was face-to-face with Kwest.

I started slightly, leaning away from my friend and he laughed at me. I looked around, and found myself back in the room I had been getting ready in, sitting in a large, plushy chair. It had been just a dream. The wedding hadn't happened yet. I felt my emotions plummet in disappointment. It hadn't happened.

"You ready?" Kwest asked me and I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It had been perfect. The fairy tale ending. A promise of the future.

"Tom?" Kwest said, his voice more insistent and I looked up at my best friend, feeling a little dejected but hopeful at the same time.

"You ready? They're waiting for us." He said, sounding annoyed and I slide my eyes over to the mirror for a moment, taking in my appearance. I got up and pushed my friend out of the way and reached up to straighten my bow tie.

"Hey, man, are you ok?" Kwest asked, his eyes looking at me in concern. I turned away from the mirror and smiled at my friend.

I was ok. I couldn't help the smile that came across my face.

"Yeah, I'm ready." I said, feeling a sense of déjà vu over come me. Kwest nodded and headed out of the room. I stayed where I was a moment, glancing back at the mirror and taking in my appearance a moment and then rushing out of the room. I was ready. I was ready for anything.

* * *

**FIN**

**END NOTE**

Please note, I am doing as promised and am going to supply the outline for the deleted chapters when I changed directions with this fic. I'm also going to do an extensive A/N and explain the final ending. I have a feeling you are all wondering what I was thinking and I believe it deserves a good explanation. If you're confused and want to know what happened, stay tuned and click the next button to see what it was all about. If you're just interested, great. If not…well, I'll read the reviews, but I'll probably end up referring you to the final A/N if there's something asked that is explained there. I hope you all truly enjoyed this. I'm so freaking amazed at how well it all turned out.


	41. Final Notes

**FINAL AUTHOR NOTE/deleted chapters**

First, I want to take a moment to explain the ending. I'm sure you're all going "OMG, why didn't she make him remember? Why that last section when he wakes up?!

Well…there's two major reasons for it. I'm going to start at the beginning of the story though, so you can all see what the intent was here.

When I wrote Cure My Tragedy, I strongly believed it was a story that no one else had done before in the Instant Star realm. It was truly different from the many things I had ever seen. Many people begged me for a sequel and I refused. That story was my masterpiece – in my mind though many would say it was Running Back, my season 2 story – I didn't want to ruin it by a suck-tastic sequel. I had no plans to ever continue in that universe.

And one day, I was listening to my Cold CD and this amazing idea popped into my head when Black Sunday came on. The first thought was that it's an amazingly depressing song. It's bittersweet. It's beautiful. It's sad. It's a little bit hopeful and I love it. The story done to it would have to be the same. I came up with the idea for the funeral scenes listening to the song. I tried to determine how it would work. Tommy and Jude being together, Tommy "dying" but really wasn't dead. How best to do it than memory loss? But what if something else was done with it? What if he had a whole other life? What if he was happy in it? Or, at least, he thought he was? What if, what if, what if. All these scenarios ran through my head and I realized that this was the sequel that would make CMT that much more amazing. It was the perfect follow up.

So I got to school, I printed off the lyrics – did I mention I was in my car? – and I read them over and over again, jotting down various plot bunnies along the way. Finally, I had so many ideas I had to organize into a plot. For one of the first times as a writer, I outlined. I had never done it previously. I just let the ideas flow, but this…this needed real life timing. It had to be perfect, it couldn't be rushed. It had to seem like every day life with little inconsequential moments and a hole load of underlying drama.

I originally wrote this with the intentions of making Tommy Remember in the end. After all, what's a good story without a happy ending? Right? And the further along I got the more invested I got with this….I didn't want him to remember. Honestly, what's the probability of someone recovering all their memories after that long of a time? Slim to none. It had been stressed in the story from the beginning. All my research told me that. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want him to remember. But at the same time….I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be permanent. Ya know? He _could_ remember. But he also might never. I needed something good, something that fit this thinking. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that that epilogue was the perfect way to end it. A dream, where he remembers.

It could be prophetic, telling what's to come. It could be just that, a dream. Who will ever know?

Reader decides.

PERFECTION!

The ultimate bittersweet ending to the most bittersweet song I know. The most bittersweet IS fanfiction I have seen over the years. The same way I feel about the show, quite honestly.

How many of you have stressed all along "he has to remember" well…honestly, that's what you all expect. And let's be honest, the real world doesn't always "live happily ever after". How many of you are going to remember this more this way than if I made him remember? I hope that I accomplished the task of many years down the road, you say "remember that story where Tommy lost his memory but may or may not have recovered it?" It gives you something to think about and I'm always going to stand by this ending. It's perfect. I couldn't have ended it any better.

I hope you all now have a greater understanding of the end of Black Sunday. Please, if you have another question, please ask. I've never been one to leave you all confused and hanging. I appreciate your feedback. Good, bad, whatever.

* * *

Now for part two of this insanely long final note. As promised, my deleted chapters/scenes. Feel free to ask questions. I'm doing my best to describe my thinking but…well, it's already over so...

**Chapter 31**

Tommy experiences a huge hallucination. He relieves a previous memory (may be something from CMT?) and accidentally hits Jude in his confusion. (Believes she may be Stuart?)

Tommy blacks out/passes out from the hallucination.

Jude is scared, upset. She calls 911 for help, praying Tommy's ok.

**Chapter 32**

Tommy wakes up from blackout. Jude is relieved. J&T talk about the treatment. T still wants to do it, J can't live with herself if he gets killed. They agree to discuss with Dr Franchi.

**Chapter 33**

Police find out Jessica's full story and tell Jommy.

T tells J he loves her. Confesses it's not worth remembering if he can't live to be with her.

J tells him he's all she needs. (police story after this admission?)

**Chapter 34**

T,J,And Bri go to park for family day. Jommy are acting "newly-wed-ish". Bri momentarily gets lost. Jommy panics but find her. Bri comments on the "nice lady" who gave her a teddy bear. Worried, Jommy and Bri go home.

**Chapter 35**

T gets an ultimatum call from Jess. T calls police but hides the call from J. He doesn't want to worry her. J proposes Album idea. T proposes. Again.

**Chapter 36**

Bri is kidnapped from school. J freaks out and blames T for losing her. T decides to do whatever it takes.

From this point, it's essentially the same story with a few extra drama pieces. 37 would be where Tommy goes to Jessica's. Jude, in the meantime was going to talk with Kat or Sadie or maybe both about the fight. She goes home and finds a note from T telling her where he had gone. She'd follow and same accident would happen. The ending is pretty much the same only with an apology scene for losing Bri.

* * *

Now you know everything! All my dirty little secrets about Black Sunday are now on the table.

I hope you all truly enjoyed the ride. I know I have. :D

BTW: There is no sequel to this fic. As far as I'm concerned, this is my last Instant Star fiction ever. My next work is going to be found in bookstores. HAHA! :D


End file.
